Changes and growing up...

As much as I hate my little girl growing up, it's going to happen.  She's been having aggressive moments at daycare and I'm not sure why.  I love my little girl.  I don't want her to be that bully we hear about in school.  Yesterday my daycare person said she was sitting on one of the older kids.  She's only a year behind and smaller than all the other kids.  The kids were screaming that G is sitting on M to the teacher.  I was so shocked.  What causes kids to act like this.  When I picked her up she slapped my face.  I told her no, we don't do that.  Then she rubbed my face.  I wonder if it's a growing spurt and she gets angry because she's hungry.  Daycare does time outs and so do we.  She's only 2 so we'll have to see how things happen but I'm keeping an eye on this aggressive behavior.  I don't like it and feel awful for the child she sat on.  

Trip planning with a 2 year old in tow...

So we have 2 trips coming up.  One in June and one in July.  J's family is June and we'll be driving the new car for this adventure.  We did this last September and made an overnight stop going and coming back.  Made the trip a bit easier with a little one.  I also took a trip from hell to NY to visit my family.  Had lots of storms and long story short, took me 36 hours to get from Chicago to NY.  Not fun at all.  G had a blast even though I was an exhausted wreck.  Hoping these 2 trips go smoothly.  I'm excited about both of them.  Travelling with G is an adventure in itself.  She's so different every day.  I'm in planning mode for the trip.  Especially the one to NY.  I need a lightweight car seat.  Hoping to be able to attach it to the stroller and travel that way.  If not, I found a luggage carrier to turn a car seat into a stroller securely and easily....I hope.  Also need entertainment for G and snacks, milk, etc to carry along.  So much to think about and I love planning it all.

An update on G being TWO...

I wish I can blog more than I have been doing.  J is home for half the month and the other half, I'm on my own.  We've had a hard winter.  J's been sick a lot and it's been really cold and snowy.  I feel like we are on the flip side of the weather. G is now over 2 and going through the typical two's with full blown temper tantrums.  I'm trying to figure out how to handle all of them.  She wants what she wants and when she can't get it, look out here she comes.  She's fiercely independent.  "I do it mommy, I do it."  She wants so badly to do it herself that she's say "I need help, I need help, then No...I do it"  She can put on her own socks, pants, shoes.  She can eat with utensils for the most part. She loves bouncy house and always wants to play.  She loves her baby dolls too.  Puts them in the cradle, covers them with blankies and points to them saying "NAP".  She loves her routines and we love them too.  Every night, before bed, we read books.  She's so smart and learning her ABC's.  She can recognize some of the letters.  E, D, R I know she knows them.  She's starting to know her colors and can also count.  She's say's "Thank you and You're welcome"  She's growing up so fast and I just don't want to miss any of it. 

21 Months Old....

G is now 21 months old.  So much has changed.  She gave up the bottle when she was ready and is now into sippy cups.  She loves water.  We took her to a splash park and it was "wawa wawa wawa".  It was awesome.  J and I spent many weekend mornings taking her to the splash park.  It so wears her out and so fun to watch her having so much fun.  She's talking up a storm and starting to put sentences together.  She amazes me with how smart she is.  She is trying to learn her A, B, C's at her daycare.  She can watch the A, B, C song all day long.  She also says random works.  Her newest is SPIDER.  She saw one on the baseboard and now she won't stop saying it.  After dinner, she get's ready for her shower.  Yes, I said shower.  She loves her shower.  Get's so excited when I'm splashing her with the water.  We have our routine and heaven help me if I try to change anything unless she wants to.  She was watching lullabies before bed but she's now starting to want me to read to her.  I love this little girl so much.  Her little personality is coming through.  She's outgoing, friendly, fearless and so very loving.  I'm trying to find a gymnastics class for her age.  Of course it's full so next session we'll be first on line to sign up.

Ready for school

G reading a book

Easter Sunday and April Fools Day...

Well, for us, it's just another Sunday with some closed stores.  A bit inconvenient since we needed to go to the pet food store and it was one of the stores closed today.  Luckily, I still have some hard food for the cats and hopefully J will be coming home tomorrow.  G has been having good days and bad days.  She's now walking up a storm.  Exerting her independence.  She's always pulling away and wanting to walk alone.  She can stack her stacking toys.  She can put covers on her bottles and toddler fruits and veggie containers.  She loves chicken Florentine with pasta.  She loves all pastas.  She's loves her day care and all the kids there.  We're struggling to get her to drink out of a sippy cup.  But I've changed her bottle nipples so it's really flowing fast.  I keep trying different sippy's but at some point during the day (on weekends) she'll have a meltdown if she can't have her bottle.  Unfortunately, I give in.  I hate seeing her so hysterical.  Maybe she's not ready.  I'll keep on trying at meals and for bed time milk, I'll still let her have a bottle. 

Tonight is his check ride and he's stressed out.  He's actually taking it now.  I'm praying it all goes well.  J was home for 3 days in March.  G is missing her Daddy.  I'm missing him too.  Praying all goes well tonight for him and he comes home on schedule.

The beginning of 2018....

Well, it's been well over a year since my little one came into our lives.  I can't believe how different things are.  I'm so in love with my little girl.  She's will say a random word and take us all by surprise but then refuses to say the word again.  She's on the brink of walking any day now.  She loves her mum mum's, bananas and oatmeal.  And pasta.  She really loves her pasta.  Definitely and Italian little girl.  And such a Daddy's girl.  She has J wrapped around her little finger.  She's an awesome sleeper for the most part.  Bed is at 8 but lately, it's been sooner.  I put her in her crib and she lays down on her pillow and let's me tuck her in under the covers.  I say, I love you and goodnight.  See you in the morning.  She's left with her lullaby playing for 15 minutes and off to dreamland for the night. I get her up at 6 to start her day unless she decides to get up earlier.  Don't be fooled.  Getting her to go to sleep at a specific time took lots of training and effort.  Months and months of being consistent.  And it's not perfect because sometimes she can still have a bad night.  J takes her to day care when he's home otherwise it's all on me.  We had 3 weeks without J and I think it wen't well.   I just made sure to stay consistent with everything I did.  We did okay.  It was hard and we missed J.  She missed J.  It was so adorable seeing the look on her face when Daddy came to pick her up.  Pure love. 

Bittersweet as this year is coming to a close...

2016 was a crazy year for me with lots of new.  I'm still experiencing the new.  I don't know when it will become old.  Maybe never.  Last year I was enjoying my pregnancy and around this time I was getting her nursery set up.  I was nesting and it's hard to nest when you need help to complete your tasks.  A year ago I couldn't imagine where I am today.  A mom.   I'M A MOM!  I love her so much and can't imagine my life without her in it.  She's everything to me and more.  She's my hopes, my dreams.  Last year I was growing my belly and now my days are so crazy busy.  I start a 4:30 am and pump milk for my girl.  Then I take my shower and get ready.  About 5:45 AM, I eat breakfast.  6 AM I get the little one up.  Feed her and dress her.  6:30 AM I pump again.  7 AM finish getting little one ready and myself.  Pack milk, cereal, fruit.  I get whatever I can figure out, snacks, water.  Pack pump and supplies.  J takes little one to day care and I go to work.  Where I pump 3 more times during the day.  The day flies by and before I know it, it's time to go home.  Pack up my milk from the work day and drive home where I pump again at 6 PM.  Prepare little one's dinner, my dinner, and we play for a bit before I change her for bed (bath a few times a week).  Milk at 8 PM and out by 8:30 PM.  In the meantime, I again pump.  If it's after 9 PM, I'm done.  If it's 8 PM, I might pump again.  But it exhausts me.  The pumping and breastmilk is less than a month from being over.  I'll have time on my hands for sure which will be spent with my little one.  I'm trying to figure out what to do for her 1st birthday.  We'll visit family but it'll probably be next year. Right now, I'm trying to figure out a holiday card (Feeling guilty because I didn't send out all my Thank You's like I should have) so I can thank everyone for the gifts they sent us.  In the next week, I should have everything set for that.

Time is flying by...9 months old

I can't believe this year is going by so quickly.  A year ago, I was in shock that my dream of being a Mom was finally coming true.  And now, I'm in the throws of it all.  We have our difficult moments.  The moments that I can't make her happy or stop her from crying but I can comfort her and love her no matter what.  I treasure it all.  I love changing her, feeding her, putting her to bed.  I love baths and when she blows raspberries in my face.  Her determination at getting Curtis and never succeeding...yet.  Things she loves:  Her Daddy for sure. Daddy singing songs to her.  Her oatmeal with fruit and some veggies.  She also loves her stuffed animals.  Hoping she loves me too.  Things she hates:  Having her nose wiped.  Having her mouth wiped.  Sitting by herself.

Update after 6 months of a new life...

I now know why people stop blogging.  The days go by so quickly when you are caring for a new human being.  It's hard.  So very hard and J and I aren't so young that we bounce back easily.  The first month was just getting used to a new way of living and healing.  After that she got Colic and when that ended, it was time for me to return to work.  First week in day care she caught her first cold, then her second put her in the hospital for 3 days.  Now she is 6 months old and I can't believe it.  She is the light of my life.

The final week: 36 weeks, 3 days and our birth story...

This week was a very special week.  On Christmas morning, I got up at 1:30 AM to use the bathroom.  For a while now, I feel the urge to pee but not a lot comes out.  Baby takes up most of the room in there.  Anyway, this time I went and it kept on going.  I told J that something was wrong.  He said just lay down and see what happens.  I did and kept on leaking.  I knew we had to go to the hospital so I started to pack my bag but J stopped me.  He was convinced that the hospital would say we were over-reacting and send us home.  Well, turns out my water broke and baby was still breech so they called my doctor and she arrived by 3:30 AM.  I was wheeled into the OR and they did my epidural there.  I felt nothing from the neck down.  It was hard to talk or breath.  I was laid down, sheet was put up, anesthesiologist was talking me through everything.  J was brought in and they had him sit down and hold my hand next to me.  He took out his cell phone for pictures.  The next thing I know, I'm looking at my baby through the screen.  12/25/16,@3:59 AM she arrived,  She is 5lbs 15oz,, 18.25" long and perfect in every way.  We named her Giuliana Rose.  Being held up and spread all out she started to cry.  J took her picture, then he went over to cut the cord.  He took more pics.  They laid her on my neck to do some skin to skin to skin for a few minutes.  It was hard because I couldn't really hold her. After that, things are a bit blurry.  I went to a recovery room but I really can't remember it.  Only what J tells me.  I do remember being moved to the post-partum room.  The three of us stayed together in that room.  I remember thinking on the operating table that this is really happening. That today, we are becoming parents.  It all felt like an out of body experience.  Before going into the OR when they told us we were delivering in the next hour, J thought of the fact that we didn't have a middle name.  She was 3 weeks and 3 days early.  She had some blood sugar issues and body temp issues but so did I.  I just can't believe how much love I feel for her.  I can see J does too.  He loves holding her and cuddling with her.  He's even good with changing diapers.  We came home on 12/27 which apparently is record breaking time.  Everyone I speak to has said they have been in the hospital for 3-4 days.  I just wanted to go home and sleep in my own bed.  J is here and looks after me when necessary.  She's now 7 days old and we're trying to get into a routine as hard as it is but I'm so loving every moment of it and loving every minute of our little angel.

35 weeks...

I'm a little late on my 35 week update.  Luckily, I don't have pre-eclampsia just a lot of swelling and I mean a lot.  Feet, toes, ankles, legs, knees, hands, etc.   It's actually quite painful.  I'm trying to stay off my feet but I have so much to do around the house and want the house perfect and clean for the baby's arrival.  She's still breech so if she doesn't turn I'll be having a c-section.

Symptoms I felt this week:

• Breasts itchy, rashy Sore on and off
• Tired and out of breath
• Back hurts badly
• Hard to move around.  Getting out of bed is an ordeal
• Belly popping out.  J's comment "You're huge"just what every woman wants to hear
• Very full belly and very tight sometimes.  Cramps on and off
• Baby kicks and movement all over.  Stomach sometimes moves when she moves.  
• Sleeping issues a lot
• Stomach hard.  Baby is still breech. 
• Lot's of swelling all over

34 weeks...

Well, had some issues this past week.  My legs don't look like my legs at all.  Legs/feet are all swelled up and hurt.  Dr is running tests to make sure it's not pre-eclampsia.  I don't think it is. BP is still really good.  I've been feeling like crap though.  I think it's because of the pain and not being able to sleep.  I'm currently on bed rests till the tests come back in.  Feet up and no walking around at all except for food and bathroom.  Trying to finish up any administrative work I have that's so I don't have to worry about it.

Symptoms I felt this week:

• Breasts itchy, rashy and getting sore again
• Tired and out of breath. 
• Back hurts badly
• Hard to move around.  Getting out of bed is an ordeal
• Belly popping out 
• Very full belly and very tight sometimes.  Could be Braxton Hicks.
• Baby kicks and movement all over.  Stomach sometimes moves when she moves.  
• Sleeping issues a lot
• Stomach hard.  As of last U/S, baby is still breech. 
• Lot's of swelling in the legs.  Currently on bedrest

33 weeks...

So I'm going to my twice weekly NST's and also had an MFM U/S last week.  Baby is doing great.  They think she weighs about 4 lbs which is on target.  My weight is on target.  My Blood Sugars are doing okay.  Now, my back is hurting all the time and I get pain after I eat.  Doctor thought it was my gallbladder but when I mentioned I had pain after I had glucose tabs she thinks I have gerd.  She said take Pepcid twice a day.   I'm kind of ready for her arrival.    I've put in for my disability so I should be ready when the time comes.

Symptoms I felt this week:

• Breasts itchy, rashy and getting sore again
• Tired and out of breath. 
• Back hurts badly
• Hard to move around.  Getting out of bed is an ordeal
• Belly popping out 
• Very full belly and very tight sometimes.  Could be Braxton Hicks.
• Baby kicks and movement all over.  Stomach sometimes moves when she moves.  
• Sleeping issues a lot
• Stomach hard.  As of last U/S, baby is still breech. 

32 weeks...

This week I started my twice weekly NST's.  So far so good.  OB still isn't happy with my fasting numbers.  I'm trying but I can't control what happens when I sleep.  We got a lot done in the nursery this week.  Still have some work to do but it's slowly coming together.  All the bedding has been washed.  I've washed all the the clothes, towels and blankets.  Had a small mishap on the steam cleaned carpet in the nursery but I'm confident I can get the stain out.  We still need to clean up the changing table and get it upstairs and put the butterfly decals on the wall.  Last thing I'm going to do is get the lampshade, curtains and rocker recliner.  The biggest hurdle I have is getting the stuff I got from friends out of the living room.  Our downstairs looks like a tornado went thru it.  Quite an embarrassment if someone was to come over and into our home.    The big thing I've noticed is my lack of energy and ability to move easily.  I tire quickly and need to take frequent breaks so everything is taking longer than normal.

Symptoms I felt this week:

• Breasts itchy, rashy and getting sore again
• Tired and out of breath. 
• Hard to move around.  Getting out of bed is an ordeal
• Belly popping out 
• Very full belly and very tight sometimes.  Could be Braxton Hicks.
• Baby kicks and movement all over.  Stomach sometimes moves when she moves.  
• Sleeping issues a lot
• Stomach hard.  Not sure what position baby is in.  Hopefully head down.  

31 weeks...

This was another interesting week.  Work was uneventful.  Blood sugar had some issues but straightened out.  I had my 2nd and final Fetal Echo and everything looked really good.  Baby's heart is just fine.   After the appointment we had childcare appointments.  We went to the first app and it was a woman from Chile.  She has one 2 year old presently and she's not state certified.  She mentioned doing the mother goose learning and mentioned she might be speaking to her in Spanish.  When we left, J was not happy about any of that.  She seemed more like a baby sitter than a childcare provider.   J overreacted and didn't even want to look at the next one but we went anyway because we had an appointment.  We were presently surprised.  She has an area for teaching.  She also has an assistant.  She has a degree in childhood education.  I was really impressed and so was J.    Then we went to the last one on my list.  She is the mother of 7 children.  She seemed frazzled and the house was not in order at all.  Very unorganized but she is the mother of 7 kids.  When we left and got in the car, I simply said NO.  I could tell she is just a baby sitter and nothing more.  We are going to look at some of the centers which run about $100 more a week.  I have the feeling we are going with #2 on our list.  So glad we didn't just cancel because of the first one.

Symptoms I felt this week:

• Breasts itchy and getting sore again
• Tired and out of breath.  Still finding it hard to walk at lunch at my usual pace
• Definitely hard to move finding it harder to move freely and tie my shoelaces
• Belly popping out 
• Very full belly and very tight sometimes.  Could be Braxton Hicks.
• Baby kicks and movement all over
• Sleeping issues a lot
• Stomach hard.  Baby is still breech right now.  

30 weeks...

This week has been better than last.  I had the last of my scolding doctor appointments last week and hopefully it will be better for the last 7 weeks of my pregnancy.  I made progress on the office and got the carpet steamcleaned and guest bed moved.  Now I'm working on the baby's room.  Hopefully this weekend J can move the rest of the furniture out and I can steam clean that carpet and then J can put the furniture together.  After that, I need to get the rest of the house organized.  I have a feeling I'll be running out of time to clean up and prepare.  I just want everything perfect for her arrival.  I hesitate to buy any more items till I have the nursery and the rest of the house in order.  Guess I'm in the nesting phase.

Symptoms I felt this week:

• Breasts still itchy
• Tired and out of breath.  Still finding it hard to walk at lunch at my usual pace
• Definitely hard to move finding it harder to move freely and tie my shoelaces
• Belly popping out 
• Very full belly and very tight sometimes.  Could be Braxton Hicks.
• Baby kicks and movement all over
• Sleeping issues a lot

29 weeks...

This week wasn't so good.  My Endo wasn't happy with my blood sugars.  Neither was my OB.  I received a call from the MFM group to make an appointment to review my blood sugars and prescribe insulin which I'm already on.  I use a pump.  My OB wanted them to take over management of my diabetes but they don't manage pumps.  I went in the next day to the MFM and they did an exam and everything was measuring perfect.  My weight, the babies size, etc.  All is good.  The MFM said he would call my Endo to discuss.  I felt so lectured and yelled at.  So did J.  He promised not to push any more of his delicious desserts on me till our little one is born.  We have an appointment next week with my OB.  I'm not looking forward to it.

On another note, we picked up the crib, mattress, dresser and travel system.   My family purchased the travel system for us.  The crib, mattress and dresser was purchased using the money from the gift card from my co-workers.  I need to start working on those thank you cards tonight and get them done for Monday.  I'm also making a lot of progress in cleaning up the bedrooms.  It's going slow but I'm hoping by Thanksgiving we have the rooms all finished.

Symptoms I felt this week:

• Rash has gone away on my my breasts
• Tired and out of breath.  Still finding it hard to walk at lunch at my usual pace
• Finding it harder to move freely and tie my shoelaces
• Belly popping out 
• Very full belly and very tight sometimes.  Could be Braxton Hicks.
• Baby kicks and movement
• Sleeping issues
• Blood sugars have been high but now I'm being more careful with my food choices

28 weeks...

This week was really special for me.  First off, it was the beginning of the 3rd and final trimester of my pregnancy.  I feel like I'm in for the home stretch at this point.  Next, my office family threw me an awesome baby shower.  It was pot luck at lunchtime.  There was lots of food and some presents.  I was so blown away by the gifts.  I got some things from my registry and 2 gift cards.  One was from one person I work with for $25 to target.  The other was what they collected from all my co-workers.  Because of all of them, I was able to buy my crib, mattress and dresser.  And I still have some money left on it.  Now I have to start making out the Thank You cards. I was really touched by it all.  Nothing like I expected.

Now that I have furniture on the way, I need to get the rooms in order.  I wanted to do more yesterday but I was so tired.  I am every weekend.  Today was no different but I'm trying to do a little at a time. We looked at buying a new carpet but it's just not in the cards right now so we'll have to steam clean what we have till next year sometime.

Symptoms I felt this week:

• Rash going away on my my breasts
• Tired and out of breath.  Still finding it hard to walk at lunch at my usual pace
• Finding it harder to move freely and tie my shoelaces
• Belly popping out 
• Very full belly and very tight sometimes.  Could be Braxton Hicks.
• Baby kicks and movement
• Sleeping issues
• Stomach has been making gurgling noises.  Wonder if it's because my internal organs are moving around.  

27 weeks...

This week we had some good classes to take.  Bringing home baby and the Childbirth Education.  J didn't really enjoy the Childbirth Education.  He felt it was too long and no breaks.  They catered lunch for us but it might have been better if we could have left the building for that hour.  Instead we ate and someone talked about cord blood to us.  Not really a break.  Overall, we got a lot of good information.  A lot to think about and a lot to know about the labor process.  I wound up with more questions for my doctor.

Symptoms I felt this week:

• Breasts still itchy and sensitive and now have a rash
• Tired and out of breath.  Hard to walk at lunch at my usual pace
• Finding it harder to move freely and tie my shoelaces
• Belly popping out 
• Very full belly and very tight sometimes.  Could be Braxton Hicks.
• Baby kicks and movement
• Sleeping issues

26 weeks...

This week we have a few classes at the hospital.  Bringing home baby which is only an hour and the childbirth marathon on Saturday.  It's from 8:30-4:30 pm.  It'll be a long day but worth it.  I can't believe I've made it this far. It feels a bit surreal.  I can't wait to meet our little girl.  I love feeling her move around.  It makes me feel so reassured that she's okay. A part of me thinks J is in a bit of denial. We need to do so much work around the house I have no idea when it will be done.  J doesn't seem to be able to get started.  Anyway, all I can do is take one day at a time.

Symptoms I felt this week:

• Breasts still itchy and sensitve
• Tired and out of breath rather quickly
• Finding it harder to move freely and tie my shoelaces
• Belly popping out 
• Very full belly 
• Baby kicks and movement
• Sleeping issues

25 weeks...

We went on the hospital tour last Monday.  Now we know where to go and what to expect.   We even got to experience it this weekend.  Friday, 3AM I woke with a headache.  I took some Tylenol but woke up with it anyway.  Took more Tylenol and high blood sugar and it still didn't help.  My blood sugar was high that day and it didn't help that I had a bagel for breakfast.  Anyway, called my OB at 7PM and she said to try Sudafed and Tylenol.  Unfortunately, I was shaky all night and still had a headache.  Felt even worse by then so I called her back after I ate (I had hoped some food would help but it didn't) so she said go to labor and delivery.  We checked in, they hooked me up to monitors and did blood work.  Everything was normal so my Dr said I could take Benedryl and Zyrtec.  I took the Benedryl last night and slept so hard.  It felt so good.  This morning I took the Zyrtec.  I still have a twinge of headache but not like yesterday and I feel better knowing it's just allergy related.  Mold count is really high right now.  My blood sugar is still up and down.  I'm not sure if it's related to the additional meds I'm taking or not.  Could be just pregnancy and I need more insulin as I progress.

Symptoms I felt this week:

• Breasts don't hurt but now are itchy
• Tired
• Headache (unrelated to pregnancy thank goodness)
• Belly popping out
• Very full belly 
• Baby kicks and movement
• Sleeping issues

24 weeks...

This week was uneventful on the pregnancy part.  I'm really grateful for that.  We did adopt an adorable kitten named Curtis. He's full of energy and spunk.  Amelia is not ready to accept him completely.  She hisses but that's it.  I guess that's enough for her to get her point across.  "This is my house and I make the rules"

On the pregnancy part, we just had our hospital tour.  We saw the labor and delivery rooms and the postpartum rooms.  We know where to go when it's time.  We are almost down to 15 weeks till our little "Roscoe" arrives.  Can't believe we are about to become parents.  It's a dream I started to think was unattainable and now is almost a reality.  We have so much to do to get this house ready.  J said October was when he was going to start on everything.  I'll see what happens this weekend.  I'll keep trying to get my part done.  That's all I can do at this point.  I'm excited for the day we meet her.  I'm also so terrified of making mistakes.  I don't know if we'll be able to have a second baby. We have one embryo left and if it doesn't work, we're done.  I suppose that will have to be okay since we won't have time to try anything more than just that one.

Symptoms I felt this week:

• Breasts still hurt and feel like they are still growing
• Tired
• Belly popping out
• Very full belly 
• Baby kicks and movement
• Sleeping issues

23 weeks...

It's been an interesting week.  The re-org at work is under way.  I'm grateful I'm on the winning side right now.  Hoping it stays that way.  With a baby on the way and going on maternity leave I really don't want to have a new boss.  It would be easy to be forgotten when I'm not around by someone new.  The other thing is we are adopting a kitten.  Amelia is so sad and clingy.  She really needs a companion and better to do it now before I get too uncomfortable and the baby arrives.  I know a new baby is going to suck all my time from Amelia and if she has a playmate she may be okay.  We found one today and we'll be picking him up on Tuesday morning.

The best thing that happened this morning is J got to feel the baby give a good kick.  It was early this morning and I felt her kick.  I asked J if he wanted to feel her.  He put his had on my belly and boom she gave him a kick as if to say "Mr... I'm here.  It was so awesome.

Symptoms I felt this week:

• Breasts still hurt
• Tired
• Belly popping out
• Sciatica pain but not too bad
• Very full belly 
• Baby has some good kicks and now J can feel them too :)
• Can't sleep a full night due to bladder needing to be emptied.  

22 weeks...

Another week has gone by.  We found a farm for our cat to live on.  I can't believe how upsetting this was.  We've had her for 3 years and although her behavior improved greatly, she still had unpredictable aggression.  Mainly toward me.  I wish we could have fixed her of that but we ran out of time.  An old co-worker's mother in law has a farm and we brought her there.  She sent me pictures after we left and started to feel better about it.  She had her tail up high and looked like she was really enjoying herself.  My friend said she was hanging with the chickens and trying to climb the trees.  Maybe this is what she needed all along.  I was hoping for an indoor only home but no shelter would take her from us.  Now Amelia seems like she's a bit down and very clingy.  We may need to find her a playmate soon.  Other than that work is crazy.  We had a reorg and not sure how things are going to play out.  People are scared about losing there jobs.  Trying hard not to stress about it.

Symptoms I felt this week:

• Breasts still hurt
• Tired
• Belly popping out
• Sciatica pain
• Very full belly 
• Baby is definitely moving and kicks me in my bladder every once in a while
• Can't sleep a full night 

21 weeks....

This week has been uneventful.  Just trying to do some planning. My co-workers have pressured me into doing a registry so that's done.  Babies need so much.  My sister and Mom are buying us a travel system.  I was initially upset because they weren't taking into account what we wanted but we went to see what they are going to purchase and J and I are both happy with it.

Symptoms I felt this week:

• Breasts still hurt
• Tired
• Starting to really look pregnant
• Sciatica pain
• Still feeling cramps and back aches on and off.  Stomach is feeling taut sometimes.  
• I'm starting to feel the baby move.  I know when she's kicking my bladder and sometimes I feel something like a gas bubble in my belly but it goes away

20 weeks...

This week was an exciting week for us.  1st, we had our regular OB appointment.  It took the Dr a moment to find the heartbeat which scared J for a moment.  I was looking at the OB and remembering one of my friends mentioning that sometimes it takes a bit to find the heartbeat with a Doppler.  But all was okay.  The next day we had our anatomy scan.  We got to see our baby move around.  It really makes it all seem real.  And the best part was that we're having a little girl.  J and I are so super excited about that.  At work, I was told I had that new mommy glow.

Baby Girl Profile

Baby Girl Terminator

Baby Feet

Symptoms I felt this week:

• Breasts semi hurt
• Tired
• Stomach is getting bigger and rounder
• Sciatica pain
• I feel cramps and back aches on and off.  Stomaching is feels taut sometimes.  
• I think I felt the baby move today.  I felt some weird flutters.  Felt like butterflies in my stomach.  

19 weeks...

Well week 19 was not too bad.  I'm starting back up with walking and my company has a challenge in the works from 8/29-9.25 and that always helps keep me honest.  My cold is nearly all gone and I feel so much better.  Presently we are trying to find a new home for our problem cat.  We just can't get trust her.  She is very unpredictable and has hurt me.  Sometimes she's playing other times she's getting even because I won't let her do something she wants.  So far none of the shelters will take her and I've reached out to an old co-worker that has a farm in her family.  I'm thinking that's her only option other than putting her down. One of the shelters actually said I should do just that.  I'd rather her be able to run and play then have her life snuffed out intentionally.

Anyway, I have my OB app today and MFM tomorrow for the anatomy scan.  I'm looking forward to finding out what this little one will be.

Symptoms I felt this week:

• Breasts hurt on and off
• Tired
• Stomach is getting bigger and rounder
• Sciatica pain
• I feel pains in my abdomen in different areas.  Guess things are stretching out to fit baby

18 weeks...

Other than this awful cold, things have been uneventful.  Work is a bit stressful but that's all.  I'm trying to start planning and cleaning up.  I'm signing J and I up for some classes at the hospital. Childbirth classes, bringing home baby and the hospital tour.  They will all be in October.  Can't believe how quickly time is moving by.  I've started a list of baby items we'll be needing.  J is a bit shocked by the price tag but it is what it is.  I'm also needing to look into childcare.  I was thinking a company would be better but it might be too pricey.  Home day care seems more affordable.  Just worried about the safety of our baby.

Symptoms I felt this week:

• Breasts don't hurt as much but nipples seem very sensitive
• Tired but because of this cold
• Stomach is definitely getting bigger
• Sneezing and coughing still.  Lots of congestion

17 weeks...

So, we had our OB appointment last Wed when I was officially 17 weeks.  This app was only to listen to the heartbeat.  With it came lots of kicking from the little one.  I still don't feel the kicking yet but hoping soon.  On Friday I started having a sore throat and feeling bad.  By nightfall, it was a full blown cold,  I've been miserable all weekend and even now.  All I can take is Tylenol.  Whoop dee do.  I might as well take nothing.  Well, it's for the greater good, right?  I just keep trying to tell myself that over and over again.


Symptoms I felt this week:

• Breasts don't hurt as much since I bought bras that fit
• Tired but probably because of this nasty old cold
• Stomach looks a bit bigger.  
• Sneezing and coughing from this crazy cold

16 weeks...

This has been a wonderful week.  For starters, I'm feeling much better these days.  J and I also had a trip to visit J's family for an anniversary party.  It was really nice to see everyone.  It's been way too long between visits and hopefully we don't have to wait too long to do this again.

Symptoms I felt this week:

• Breasts still hurting.
• Still tired
• Odd feeling in my belly.  Sometimes one side is hard and the other mushy.  Usually happens when I wake up in the middle of the night.  

15 weeks...

We got the results of the blood work I had back at my 12/13 week ultrasound with the MFM.  The baby is healthy.  All markers are 1 in a 10,000 range which is a very low risk for down's or the trisomies.  What I am disappointed about was that they didn't run the test to find out the gender after they said they would.  If it was never mentioned I never would have been so upset.  And of course, now I have to wait till 20 weeks according to the nurse because insurance won't pay for another blood test.  Another crappy issue I have is that I had to call them to find out the results.  They didn't bother to send it to my OB nor did they call to let me know.  I finally messaged my OB office and they said to call the MFM directly.  I'm not happy with the communication in that office.  I will say that the next time the nurse says J can't come in the room with me, I'm going to say I want him with me.  She wanted me alone so she can take vitals and ask me about being safe at home.  Then after seeing her, I had to go back and wait in the waiting room for another 15 minutes or so.  Next came the ultrasound with someone else now.  Then walks in another nurse for the blood work.  Then the doctor who said he wanted me to do a 24 hour urine test to make sure my kidney's are functioning.  Of course no one spoke to me about it.  I also had the first nurse hand me a bunch of papers.  Blood sugar logs sheets but no one bothered to discuss it with me.   The whole appointment was so overwhelming.  Right now I'm just so disappointed and pissed off.  I am glad the baby is healthy though.  I know that's the most important part and I'm trying hard to focus on that. 

Symptoms I felt this week:

• Breasts still hurt but less than last week.  Still need to go bra shopping.
• Feeling sick but usually right before bed which is also extreme exhaustion
• Still tired
• Still feeling full in my belly
• Constipation (so joyful)
• Headaches on and off.

14 weeks...

It's technically the start of week 15 but wanted to update on week 14.  Last week I made my announcement at work.  I was so nervous but everyone has been so excited for me and they enjoyed the treats.  A few were slow to figure out what the celebration was all about but eventually figured it out.  Here is the awesome banner my friend made that I got to post on facebook for the world to see.

Symptoms I felt this week:

• Breasts still hurt but less and less.  Also they are much bigger and time to bra shop
• Still feeling sick but also less and less each day.  
• Still tired
• Feeling full in my belly.  Guess thats the baby taking up room in my tummy. 

13 weeks...

We had our MFM app this past week.  It was very overwhelming and I'm not really sure what they want me to do next.  They gave me forms for filling out my blood sugars but no one actually mentioned anything to me about faxing it over each week.  Not to mention I already do a log sheet for my Endo so I'd rather fax that over to them then fill out another form.  Doctor mentioned about measuring my urine in a 24 hour time span but no one actually spoke with me about it before I left and I forgot.  It was exciting to see the baby on ultrasound though.  Baby has really grown so much since our last one.  It really looks like a baby with attitude and all. J and I were so excited to see him/her.  Hoping we find out the sex soon.

Symptoms I feel this week:

• Breasts hurt but not as much as before
• Still feeling sick but not as much as before
• Still tired
• Stretching pain on my right side (baby is on the right side)

12 weeks...

I had my OB app last Thursday.  No ultrasound this time or blood work but we did get to hear the baby's heartbeat.  She found it pretty quickly and it was music to our ears.  Nice and fast too.   I have my MFM app on Tuesday morning.  They'll be doing an ultrasound and blood work for this one.  My OB mentioned that one of the tests will give us the gender.  We're super excited to find out what our baby is.  It will take 2 1/2 weeks though.  Hoping it goes by fast.

Symptoms I feel this week:

• Nauseous every night
• Sore breasts and larger
• Stomach is getting larger
• Tired
• Forgetful
• Constipated. (Loving that one)

11 weeks...

Another interesting week.  I was going to let my mom and J's mom know we are having a baby on 7/10 or 7/11.  Then I was going to tell my friends and co-workers.  But now I'm having second thoughts.  I'm just so scared to say something and then have something happen.  Maybe I'll feel better after the doctor appointment next week.  If not then, I have another appointment with an MFM on 7/12.  J is nervous too so that's not helping.  We've come so far and my body is showing the signs of pregnancy so why am I so worried?  Is this how I'll feel till the baby's born?  I really want to enjoy this but it's so hard.  And then I had some more spotting on Thursday night.  It was only that day and has stopped.  Well, I won't be able to keep it secret for much longer with my clothes being too tight.

Symptoms I'm feeling this week:

• Sore breasts
• Larger breasts.  Two people I'm close with have noticed at work.
• Bloated.  Can't close my jeans anymore so my stomach is definitely larger
• Still nauseous at night for the most part.  And ocasionally in the daytime.
• Still tired and ready for sleep right after dinner

10 weeks...

I've hit the 10 week mark.  In 2 weeks I have my next doctor appointment and ultrasound.  I'm a nervous wreck.  Not to mention feeling ill as well.  I'm struggling to do the basics around the house but hoping that will change in the coming weeks.  We have a house to get organized before January.

Things I'm feeling this week:

• Bloated
• Exhausted
• Sore breasts
• Jeans hurt when they are closed (I need to now keep the top button opened and held together with a rubber band)
• Nausea (Happens mostly at night but starting to happen in the morning too)  

9 weeks...

So I'm moving along and praying.  The more I feel like crap the better I am, right?  I'm super tired and feel like my head is in a fog.  I have weird pains in my abdomen but it's not cramps.  I'm still super bloated and every evening I feel terribly sick.  I haven't been in the mood to clean or do laundry (Must do some tonight. Out of whites),  Heartburn galore.  Nausea galore.  But I'll take it all.  :)

8 weeks...

We had our first OB appointment last Wednesday.  It was so overwhelming.  I met my new doctor and nurse.  She went through a whole lot of info that we're still trying to process.  I'm still waiting for the MFM doctors office to call me.  We got to see and hear our little bumble bee.  Heart rate was 157 and measured exactly 8 weeks.

Symptoms of pregnancy this week:  

• Very bloated.  Sometimes need to drive home with my jeans opened. 
• Breasts heavy and hurt
• Nausea on and off.  Seems mostly on these days depending on how and what I'm eating
• Dizzy on and off
• Fatigue on and off.  (Especially sleepy around 2PM every day)
• Blood sugar going wacko.  Highs and lows.

Follow up ultrasound results....

I was able to get in to the monitoring clinic at noon last Tuesday.  I was having so much anxiety and fear going in.  I was so afraid of seeing my baby had died after having such a wonderful ultrasound prior to the long weekend.  But my little sticky bun was still going strong.  In just 4 days, baby was bigger and heart rate was faster.  Both J and I were so relieved.  And as of now, I have no more bleeding or spotting.  The tech did say she could see the area of blood in question.  She also mentioned that a lot of women that go through IVF, bleeding seems to happen.  I'm feeling better but I can't help but think that every ultrasound will be a milestone to the next step and I'll always feel a little fear.  Maybe it's PTSD.  So much has gone wrong that it's so hard to imagine that it can all go alright.  I have my first OB appointment coming up on Wednesday.  Right now I'm feeling okay but I'm expecting to get anxious as the appointment gets closer.  Deep breath in and out.  

Ultrasounds and nightmares....

I had my 6 week 2 day ultrasound.  I was so terrified but she found the sac and baby right away.  Then we got to see the flicker of the heart.  It was so surreal and magical.  I had tears of joy coming down my face.  Baby measured 6 weeks so right on target.

We were so ecstatic.  We crossed the first hurdle and we saw our baby with a good strong heartbeat.  I wound up taking a 2 1/2 hour nap.  We had dinner and when I went to the bathroom I noticed a little blood on the toilet paper.  I was worried.  Then in the middle of the night, more blood.  Almost morning and the toilet was full of blood.  Now I'm scared.  I called my RE at 4:45 AM.  The on call Dr said to drink water and lay down and relax.  She'll follow up with the on call nurse in the morning.  I had an eye Dr app and so we went to that.  While I was there I passed a huge clot.  Now I'm thinking the worst.  The nurse called me back and she said lots of women call with bleeding and it's usually all okay.  She told me what an emergency would be and to go to an ER in that scenario but she mentioned subchorionic hematoma that was basically a bleed not relevant to the pregnancy.  She went through all the possibilities with me.  I don't have any real cramping.  And after that huge clot the bleeding seemed to have slowed down.  Now I just have spotting when I wipe.  Maybe it will be okay after all. I'm hoping to see my OB this week if possible.  Praying for good news.

Third HCG level back...

My nurse called me on Friday with more good news.  HCG level is in the 11 thousand range.  She said the exact number but I didn't catch it all because I was too surprised by the 11 thousand.  I'm getting a bit excited but still scared.  I'm hoping once I'm past the next hurdle it will get easier to believe it's real.  I'm hoping to schedule my U/S for next Friday.  If not it will have to be the following Tuesday.  

I wonder if I'll ever feel secure with this pregnancy.  Will I always be scared it will end before my beautiful baby is ready for the world?  

My First Mother's Day Gift...

On May 1st, we traveled to SC for another transfer.  This is the 5th transfer since May 20, 2015.  We had the transfer on May 2nd between 11:30 and Noon.  The single embryo got stuck in the catheter so we had to do it all over again.  My RE said it was rare but it does happen which is why they always check the catheter.  I considered it good luck and hoped it wanted to stick to my lining.  We relaxed for the rest of the day.  Enjoyed a dinner at Longhorns and called it a night.  We got to sleep in because our flight was in the afternoon at Myrtle Beach.  I rested for the remainder of the week and on Mothers Day I decided to do an HPT.  The and best Mothers Day gift I ever got happened.  It was positive.  I took two.  One FRER and one CBE.   Both came back positive.  My HCG level on 5/11 was 231 and on 5/13 it was 548.  I have another one on 5/20.  My RE did all he could do and G-d did the rest.  I'm still very scared.  I'm trying to take it one day at a time.

Following instructions...

Each cycle, I put my life in the hands of the RE and the clinic.  I follow exactly what they tell me to do.  I go through the motions day after day, reviewing the calendar several times a day to make sure I got it right.  Estrogen dosage to ultrasound appointments to blood work.  Making sure my travel arrangements are set and are for the correct days.  I find myself going over it, over and over again.  I'm always afraid of screwing it up.  It's really the only way I know how to survive a cycle.  This time was a little different to start.  I did those awful biopsies.  But it will be worth it if it brings me home my baby. We have 2 embryos left before we need to start over again.  I'm so glad we got the money back guarantee.  I don't know what we would do if we hadn't.  I'm still hoping we don't have to do another fresh cycle.  Praying everyday that our emby survives the thaw.  I try to imagine being pregnant and the joy I'll feel.  I pray that I feel that way.  I'm afraid that all the years I've spent trying and failing will have a toll on me and feeling joy will be hard to find. Will I feel terror and fear instead?  I hope not.  All I've ever wanted is to experience what all other women get to experience.  The joy of pregnancy and motherhood.  Another Mothers Day is coming up.  My transfer will be less than a week before Mothers Day.  The best gift I could get would be a positive pregnancy test and of course a healthy baby at the end of that.  Please G-d hear my prayers.  

Having hope...

One of the ladies on Facebook that transferred a 3AA embryo last week is waiting to find out if it stuck.  She is feeling like it worked.  I really hope so.  I'm down to my last 2 embryos and both are not of the best quality anymore.  I'm down to the 3AA and I think a 3AB.  I'm hoping that if hers works then I have a chance too.  I've also been doing reading on endometrial scratch and studies have shown they have improved pregnancy rates.  I'm praying that I'll be one of those successful ones.  I know that's all I can do.  Take one day at a time.  Pray and have hope.  

Trying hard to feel whole again...

I've been trying so hard to be normal.  To get up, go to work, carry on each day till the day is over. I've been feeling crazy emotional.  It doesn't take much to stir them up either.  An email, a phone call, someone saying something perfectly innocent and I feel lost inside.  I sent an email asking my GYN if she would do the biopsies.  I sent a follow up on Friday, then again on Wednesday.  We're talking an entire week and the nurse finally got back to me.  I really dislike her.  I think she lacks empathy and compassion.  How can she be nurse without those qualities.  Anyway, I've set up my appointments.  I hope she's not the one helping my Dr in the office that day but I have a feeling I'm stuck with her.  Let's hope she can muster some of those important nursing qualities.  

Hormones...

Or slutmones as my DH has been calling them.  I've been terribly depressed.  All I want to do is cry.  I force myself to get up and go to work, to keep my mind occupied but I'm just sad.  I'm trying to think positive and believe that my next cycle will work.  My Dr wants me to do an endometrial biopsy.  I need to do two of them a week apart.  It's too costly to go fly down to do it so I'm trying to get with my GYN here.  I sent an email last Wednesday and I'm still waiting to hear back.  It's so frustrating.  Why is it that communication with her is so difficult.  The nurse said she was forwarding the message for her to review on Thursday.  Well, it's now Monday afternoon and I'm still waiting to hear.  I sent a follow up message on Friday as well.  We'll see.  I'm sure this isn't helping with my depression.  J thinks I should just get a new doctor but that would mean a consultation and an explanation of what I'm asking them to do.  All, while knowing nothing about me or my history.  It's all so overwhelming to me right now.  I just want to have my baby.  I just want to be a mom.  

My prayers weren't answered...

I had hoped and prayed this would be the time.  Everything went so smoothly.  My doctor is at a loss and wants to try an endometrial biopsy one month prior to starting meds for another cycle.  I'm sad but I must keep trying.  It's all I have.  

Another two week wait....

Everything has gone according to plan.  My uterus and blood work came back great and we transferred one embryo on 2/8.  We decided to come home same day which was very exhausting.  J got sick and I slept Tuesday and Wednesday away.  I've been trying to relax and not read into everything I feel.  It's hard though.  I've been having lots of cramps.  My blood test is on 2/17.  I'm hoping I have an early B'day present for J.  We'll see.  I'm praying a lot.  I know that's really all I can do at this point.  

Getting ready....

Tomorrow I go for my blood work for checking my hormones.  Tuesday I go for my ultrasound for my lining check.  If everything looks good then transfer will be a week from tomorrow.  I'm scared and nervous but very hopeful.  I'm feeling pretty good.  My A1C is 5.3 and my thyroid is okay so I'm ready.  We decided to transfer one embryo only even though my doctor wants us to transfer two.  I'm scared I won't make it to full term and caring for twins is double the work and money.  Neither of which we have.  Also this week, the first week of February, would have been my due date from my pregnancy in May.  I think I've come to terms with my miscarriage.  I realize now that my last transfer I was depressed.  I also wasn't feeling my best.  This time will be different.  In order for this transfer to have a chance I need to be hopeful and have faith.  I need to put my life in G-d's hands.  I also know that nothing I do or don't do will affect the outcome.  But I will do my part.  I will have faith and hope and know that G-d has a plan.  

New beginnings...

Today is the last day of the year.  I'm not sorry to see it go.  It's been a hard, emotional and difficult year filled with disappointment and heartache like I've never experienced before.  I need a fresh start and what better way to start then with the beginning of a new year.  I'm not making New Years Resolutions.  I'm making a commitment to myself.  I've been sad and depressed.  I know time heals all wounds and that's what I'm counting on.  And part of healing myself means taking care of myself.  So that's my resolution.  To do things to help myself and I'm starting today.

So Happy New Year everyone.  I pray all your hopes and dreams come true. I wish you all good health and happiness in the new year ahead.