15 weeks...

We got the results of the blood work I had back at my 12/13 week ultrasound with the MFM.  The baby is healthy.  All markers are 1 in a 10,000 range which is a very low risk for down's or the trisomies.  What I am disappointed about was that they didn't run the test to find out the gender after they said they would.  If it was never mentioned I never would have been so upset.  And of course, now I have to wait till 20 weeks according to the nurse because insurance won't pay for another blood test.  Another crappy issue I have is that I had to call them to find out the results.  They didn't bother to send it to my OB nor did they call to let me know.  I finally messaged my OB office and they said to call the MFM directly.  I'm not happy with the communication in that office.  I will say that the next time the nurse says J can't come in the room with me, I'm going to say I want him with me.  She wanted me alone so she can take vitals and ask me about being safe at home.  Then after seeing her, I had to go back and wait in the waiting room for another 15 minutes or so.  Next came the ultrasound with someone else now.  Then walks in another nurse for the blood work.  Then the doctor who said he wanted me to do a 24 hour urine test to make sure my kidney's are functioning.  Of course no one spoke to me about it.  I also had the first nurse hand me a bunch of papers.  Blood sugar logs sheets but no one bothered to discuss it with me.   The whole appointment was so overwhelming.  Right now I'm just so disappointed and pissed off.  I am glad the baby is healthy though.  I know that's the most important part and I'm trying hard to focus on that. 

Symptoms I felt this week:

• Breasts still hurt but less than last week.  Still need to go bra shopping.
• Feeling sick but usually right before bed which is also extreme exhaustion
• Still tired
• Still feeling full in my belly
• Constipation (so joyful)
• Headaches on and off.

Getting ready....

Tomorrow I go for my blood work for checking my hormones.  Tuesday I go for my ultrasound for my lining check.  If everything looks good then transfer will be a week from tomorrow.  I'm scared and nervous but very hopeful.  I'm feeling pretty good.  My A1C is 5.3 and my thyroid is okay so I'm ready.  We decided to transfer one embryo only even though my doctor wants us to transfer two.  I'm scared I won't make it to full term and caring for twins is double the work and money.  Neither of which we have.  Also this week, the first week of February, would have been my due date from my pregnancy in May.  I think I've come to terms with my miscarriage.  I realize now that my last transfer I was depressed.  I also wasn't feeling my best.  This time will be different.  In order for this transfer to have a chance I need to be hopeful and have faith.  I need to put my life in G-d's hands.  I also know that nothing I do or don't do will affect the outcome.  But I will do my part.  I will have faith and hope and know that G-d has a plan.  

Finally have a plan....

Everything looks good.  My doctor recommends waiting it out which means I go for a blood test every Thursday till my HCG is zero.  She thinks it could take 2-3 weeks but I'll get there. My HCG is currently 855.  It was 1844 on 7/6 so it is going down.   I'm really hoping that everything is back to normal by August so maybe in September, I can do another transfer.  I've also decided to move towards getting an insulin pump.  I'm not saying the nurse I spoke with is right but she said my high blood sugar could have caused a miscarriage.  I wasn't that high.  I don't think I even hit 200.  She said even 150 could cause it.  Maybe a pump will give me more control and since I hit my out of pocket max, it shouldn't cost me anything. 

Obsessing....

What else can the 2 week wait bring on but the obsessing of symptoms and possibilities that I'll be on my to becoming a mom. This transfer has a host of differences this time than any of the others. For one thing, the PIO shot hurts like hell. Not when I give it but hours later, I'm sore and feel bruised. It hurts to walk and both hips hurt. No sign of any trauma just pain. The next thing is that my boobs aren't as sore as they have been in the past. I just started feeling soreness in my boobs yesterday. That's a big difference from the past.  I also have lots of sharp pains in my lower abdomen. Hopefully uterus and signs that something is going on.  I like to be hopeful that's what's going on.  It's 4 days past transfer and I'm thinking that tomorrow afternoon I might start POAS.  I have no self control and just need to torture myself.  I'm prepared for it to be NEG.  That's all I'm used to and it is still might be too early to know. Blood test is on Friday.  

Stress, stress and yet, more stress.....

OK. I just need to rant.  I believe this cycle is a bust.  I believe I'm NOT pregnant.  I've taken many HPT's and all are negative.  I went for a blood test at my monitoring facility at 7:30AM.  Paid them, left for work.  I worked half a day so I wouldn't be at work when I got the call.  I just wanted to grieve in private.  Anyway, at around 1:20 I get a call from the monitoring facility and they lost my vial of blood.  I still can't believe it.  They lost a vial of blood and wanted me to come back and do it again.  So I went.  I really wanted to know today so I can stop taking medications that aren't necessary.  They don't make me feel very good.  Anyway, they assured me that they would get the results today.  Well, no phone call from SC and my nurse was off today to boot.  By the time I called SC it was after 5PM and I guess that's the end of the day for them.  So I still don't know if I'm preg or not.  I better hear from the tomorrow before I have to take meds or I'm calling them.  If I don't hear from them or they didn't get the results, I'm going straight to the monitoring facility and getting the results from them.  I'm just so fed up, angry, upset, emotional right now.  AND I HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW DAMNIT!