Digital Business Opportunity...

I've mentioned my new adventure but haven't really given a lot of details out.  All I will say it's been a blessing to start this business.  It's a business I own.  I need to put in the work if I expect to get returns.  I need to build up a following if I'm to get trust with people.  I'll never steer anyone to do anything they don't want to.  It's simple.  If people want to have an online business then they need to have a source of money to start it up as you would any business.  I feel like people can't change the thinking that someone needs to pay for it for them.  Then it's not your business.  You just work for that business.  Owning something means changing your mindset from employee to owner.  It means taking responsibility for what you have to do every day.  It's not hard work but it does take work and time.  I've seen some people complain about the money they are being charged to get the training and coaching call.  The coach needs to be paid for her time.  They've earned it.  I feel lucky to have found this opportunity and this is why.  I have mentors and coaches available to help me, plus an entire community of people who will also help.  No one is alone on this journey.  I've met great people and feel I've made lifelong friends from this.  I'm just saying there is so much personal growth I've already accomplished in just a few short months.  I've learned so much from the training and still learning every day.   I know I can succeed.  I will succeed.

Jumping in with two feet...

OK.  I've done it now.  I signed the paperwork.  Purchased my product.  I'm waiting for the rest of the training to be unlocked.  Nervous but excited.  I really see the potential.  The potential to learn something new.  The potential to bring me out of my comfort zone and challenge myself.  These are things I really can't object to.  It'll help me grow as a person to do this. And who can argue with that?

Easter Sunday and April Fools Day...

Well, for us, it's just another Sunday with some closed stores.  A bit inconvenient since we needed to go to the pet food store and it was one of the stores closed today.  Luckily, I still have some hard food for the cats and hopefully J will be coming home tomorrow.  G has been having good days and bad days.  She's now walking up a storm.  Exerting her independence.  She's always pulling away and wanting to walk alone.  She can stack her stacking toys.  She can put covers on her bottles and toddler fruits and veggie containers.  She loves chicken Florentine with pasta.  She loves all pastas.  She's loves her day care and all the kids there.  We're struggling to get her to drink out of a sippy cup.  But I've changed her bottle nipples so it's really flowing fast.  I keep trying different sippy's but at some point during the day (on weekends) she'll have a meltdown if she can't have her bottle.  Unfortunately, I give in.  I hate seeing her so hysterical.  Maybe she's not ready.  I'll keep on trying at meals and for bed time milk, I'll still let her have a bottle. 

Tonight is his check ride and he's stressed out.  He's actually taking it now.  I'm praying it all goes well.  J was home for 3 days in March.  G is missing her Daddy.  I'm missing him too.  Praying all goes well tonight for him and he comes home on schedule.

Trying to keep up...

One minute he's protesting the other he's back on track.  J called this morning and changed him mind. He pointed out that so far he's been treated fairly so he was going to see how it went with the check ride for his partner.  He called later and said everything went well.  I just can't keep up with him.  I just want him done with this training and back on the line.  And I would like him home for a few days.  I want to feel secure that we are still on track with quest for a baby.  I've been on this road for so many years.  And I guess I just want to know that he's on this road with me.  

Going from happy to sad in an instant...

I'm amazed that my emotions can go from happy to sad in a split moment these days.  I was doing so well this week.  J said his training was going well and I really thought we were on the right path.  I went out and spent money on a new printer that I wanted to get for the last 3 months.  I don't spend money easily these days but I thought it would be a good investment for us.  Now, J calls me tonight telling me he wants to protest the check ride tomorrow.  Says that the only reason he has done well in part of the training is because his partner had a cheat sheet and the cheat sheet is completely different than the actual manual.  Well, he did study his ass off for this too.  And he's aced everything because of the studying he's done.  What he's worried about is that his friend failed the check ride because of the discrepancies in the manual.  So now it's a protest???  Again, I feel like it's all about J.  And again, I see my dreams going into the toilet.  This hurts so much.  He doesn't even realize how much.  And I just don't know what to do about it anymore.  Every time I make a plan it seems to get screwed up before I can even start.  I feel like every time I have my opportunity to move forward with fertility treatments something always happens with J and we have to hold off.  I'm just so tired of it all.  

Getting back to normal...

It's Sunday night and tomorrow is my first day back at work.  I'm not sure I'm looking forward to it.  It's so hard to get caught up and back in the swing of things after being gone for so long.  I'm hoping to get to work early so I can get a head start on reviewing the status docs.  I think tonight would be a good night for an ambien.  I just don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight and I really need to get a good nights sleep.  I'm also worried about the MRI I had.  I'm hoping to find out the results tomorrow but I'm not holding my breath.

On another note, J said his company is going to make a big announcement in a few weeks.  We've been trying to figure out what it could be we're at a loss.  Our only thoughts are a flow and money but that's about it and it doesn't make any sense that they would do that.  Management says it will make everyone happy but we'll see.  Waiting it out is the hard part.  As it stands, J won't be home till the end of the month at this point and I miss him so much right now.  I guess I'll just have to settle for facetime on my phone.

Mother's Day and Dad's Day....

My Dad passed away on May 7th in the afternoon.  My sister had called me the day before and told me that Dad was struggling to breath and on lots of pain meds.   I got my work prepared as best I could and went home thinking she'd call me in the middle of the night with the bad news.  No call, so I went to work. She called me after lunch and told me Dad was gone.  Even though I was prepared I wasn't prepared.  I still cried and felt overwhelming grief that I would never again hear my Dad call my name and never see him again except in my dreams, memories and pictures.  But in true Dad fashion, he died just when J was finishing up a section of training so he could be with me at the funeral and we could be with my Mom on Mother's Day. I haven't spent Mother's Day with my Mom since I've been married and living in IL.  The funeral was at the cemetery.  We didn't have any service at the funeral home.  It was a short service and a few cousins came out to pay their respects.  Why is it that funerals seem to be the only way we all get together?  Anyway, I'm finally home and exhausted.  Dad, was 83 years old and married to my Mom for 54 years.  Daddy, I miss you and love you.  See you again someday.