11 weeks...

Another interesting week.  I was going to let my mom and J's mom know we are having a baby on 7/10 or 7/11.  Then I was going to tell my friends and co-workers.  But now I'm having second thoughts.  I'm just so scared to say something and then have something happen.  Maybe I'll feel better after the doctor appointment next week.  If not then, I have another appointment with an MFM on 7/12.  J is nervous too so that's not helping.  We've come so far and my body is showing the signs of pregnancy so why am I so worried?  Is this how I'll feel till the baby's born?  I really want to enjoy this but it's so hard.  And then I had some more spotting on Thursday night.  It was only that day and has stopped.  Well, I won't be able to keep it secret for much longer with my clothes being too tight.

Symptoms I'm feeling this week:

• Sore breasts
• Larger breasts.  Two people I'm close with have noticed at work.
• Bloated.  Can't close my jeans anymore so my stomach is definitely larger
• Still nauseous at night for the most part.  And ocasionally in the daytime.
• Still tired and ready for sleep right after dinner

Follow up ultrasound results....

I was able to get in to the monitoring clinic at noon last Tuesday.  I was having so much anxiety and fear going in.  I was so afraid of seeing my baby had died after having such a wonderful ultrasound prior to the long weekend.  But my little sticky bun was still going strong.  In just 4 days, baby was bigger and heart rate was faster.  Both J and I were so relieved.  And as of now, I have no more bleeding or spotting.  The tech did say she could see the area of blood in question.  She also mentioned that a lot of women that go through IVF, bleeding seems to happen.  I'm feeling better but I can't help but think that every ultrasound will be a milestone to the next step and I'll always feel a little fear.  Maybe it's PTSD.  So much has gone wrong that it's so hard to imagine that it can all go alright.  I have my first OB appointment coming up on Wednesday.  Right now I'm feeling okay but I'm expecting to get anxious as the appointment gets closer.  Deep breath in and out.