Third HCG level back...

My nurse called me on Friday with more good news.  HCG level is in the 11 thousand range.  She said the exact number but I didn't catch it all because I was too surprised by the 11 thousand.  I'm getting a bit excited but still scared.  I'm hoping once I'm past the next hurdle it will get easier to believe it's real.  I'm hoping to schedule my U/S for next Friday.  If not it will have to be the following Tuesday.  

I wonder if I'll ever feel secure with this pregnancy.  Will I always be scared it will end before my beautiful baby is ready for the world?  

My First Mother's Day Gift...

On May 1st, we traveled to SC for another transfer.  This is the 5th transfer since May 20, 2015.  We had the transfer on May 2nd between 11:30 and Noon.  The single embryo got stuck in the catheter so we had to do it all over again.  My RE said it was rare but it does happen which is why they always check the catheter.  I considered it good luck and hoped it wanted to stick to my lining.  We relaxed for the rest of the day.  Enjoyed a dinner at Longhorns and called it a night.  We got to sleep in because our flight was in the afternoon at Myrtle Beach.  I rested for the remainder of the week and on Mothers Day I decided to do an HPT.  The and best Mothers Day gift I ever got happened.  It was positive.  I took two.  One FRER and one CBE.   Both came back positive.  My HCG level on 5/11 was 231 and on 5/13 it was 548.  I have another one on 5/20.  My RE did all he could do and G-d did the rest.  I'm still very scared.  I'm trying to take it one day at a time.

Finally have a plan....

Everything looks good.  My doctor recommends waiting it out which means I go for a blood test every Thursday till my HCG is zero.  She thinks it could take 2-3 weeks but I'll get there. My HCG is currently 855.  It was 1844 on 7/6 so it is going down.   I'm really hoping that everything is back to normal by August so maybe in September, I can do another transfer.  I've also decided to move towards getting an insulin pump.  I'm not saying the nurse I spoke with is right but she said my high blood sugar could have caused a miscarriage.  I wasn't that high.  I don't think I even hit 200.  She said even 150 could cause it.  Maybe a pump will give me more control and since I hit my out of pocket max, it shouldn't cost me anything. 

Finally being cared for...

Well, after countless calls, messages left, no returned phone calls, I finally got a call that my doctor wanted to see me today.  Somehow I thought that would happen.  She didn't get the full story from the nurse (surprise)  and thought I was going to be making an appointment.  Apparently, the only information my doctor got was the letter from my RE.  Nothing about me calling.  The nurse is the one who requested the letter from my doctor.  Anyway, I explained everything that was going on. She gave me an exam, pregnancy urine test which came back positive, blood test to see if my HCG is going down and an ultrasound and a hug.  Hopefully, I'll find out everything tomorrow.  She said if HCG is going down and uterus looks almost clear then I could take a medication called Cytotec that would cause contractions and expel what's left.  Otherwise, I'll have to have a D&C to take care of this.  I'm so ready to move on.  And I'm so glad I have the doctor I have.

Abandoned...

So my HCG is still high.  At least it was as of Monday.  My Dr called me on Tuesday AM to let me know and also to tell me he thinks I need a D&C at this point.  Of course I was so flustered at the thought.  He offered to write a letter to my GYN explaining everything.  I told him I would call her and talk to the nurse.  I called my GYN and spoke to the nurse explaining everything.  She said I should get a letter from my RE so I sent an email with the fax number and to who it goes to.  They sent it on Tuesday night.  I called the nurse again and she said she didn't get the letter.  So I asked my RE office to send it again.  By the time my GYN office got it the Dr had gone home for the day.  So she said she'd give it to her on Thursday at 2PM when she came in.  I didn't hear from them so I called later that day only to find out they were closed.  I tried again this morning at 8:30 am and left another message.  At 1:30 I called again and left another message.  This time I said "if the Dr. doesn't want to treat me then just call and let me know".  I got a voicemail at 2:15 saying the Dr has all the info and will review it in between patients and I'll hear from her on Monday.  I'm still very upset and I'm hoping they don't let me down on Monday.  I can't imagine the letter was that long that she couldn't read it within 15 minutes.  She no medical information other than that and me.  And she hasn't seen me yet.  I just wanted to know that I'll be taken care of by my Dr and yet I still know nothing.  

Trying to figure out next steps...

My nurse called me this morning.  HCG is in the 2000's.  She sent me another order for another blood test.  Hoping the levels are going down otherwise I'll probably have to have a D&C.  She said that's why I'm still bleeding.  So tired of all of this.  I just want all of this to be over so I can move on.

Wishing it was over...

It's now a full week.  I'm still bleeding on and off.  Sharp cramps on and off.  I just want it to be over already.  I sent an email to my nurse asking when it will finally end.  She said it could be 7-10 days long.  Talk about prolonging the pain of all of this.  She did send me an order to see if my HCG level is down to zero.  Really hoping it is so we can finally move on.  I just want to be able to try again as soon as possible.  Also very stressed about money lately.  J is on disability and money is really tight.  Sometimes I feel like the walls are closing in on me.  If I try to get J to help with the budget, he suddenly doesn't feel well.  That upsets me too.  I need help with trying to figure it all out.  Why can't he understand that.  We have bills to pay and it can't all be on me to handle.  Sometimes I feel like he gets it and sometimes he freaks out.  We just have so much to figure out these days.

PREGNANT....

Well, first HCG levels were drawn yesterday.  Came back at 39.  Technically, I wasn't supposed to have a blood test till today.  Yesterday I wound up giving myself an overdose of long acting insulin.  I usually take 16 units in the evening and my doctor added a morning shot of 3 units.  I was rushing and without thinking I dialed to 16 units and proceeded to inject myself.  Once I realized what I had done, I finished my breakfast (already gave myself short acting) and rushed off to the ER.  They called poison control and said I needed to stay for the day to be monitored unless I'm pregnant and then I'd have to stay overnight.  They had me take a urine test first but they had the same problem I did.  Looked like a line but not quite sure, but if you hold it up to the light you can see it, etc.  So they ran a blood test and I couldn't believe it.  I'm pregnant.  My clinic decided to have me go in on Monday instead of today and see where it leads to.  Praying hard that Monday will have a rising HCG level.  Hoping for a 100 or more at least.  Right now, I feel cramps, some nausea, boobs hurt, bloated and tired.  I even took another test today when I came home and was so happy to see the second line.  No squinting needed.  It may be light but it's visible.