Moving forward...

So we did 3 days of the meds and G was exhausted at around 2 in the afternoon every day.  She didn't want to do anything.  Not even play at a big playground.  She tried and just wanted to sit at a computer inside.  That's not my little girl at all.  Made me so sad.  So I talked to the Dr and they said to try skipping the morning and start giving it to her at night.  So we did that last night.  We'll see how it goes when I pick her up today.  I'm hoping she had a good day today.  She had gotten 2 yellows this week. One on Monday and one on Tuesday and usually that means no ice cream treat on Wednesday.  I prepared her for that and I asked her when I picked her up on Wed if she was disappointed.  She said yes.  I said we have ice cream at home and we can have it tonight since she was a good girl at daycare.  She handled it very well.  I'm hoping it's sinking in that she needs to behave properly in school and do what her teachers ask of her.  I'm hoping she got a green today.  She's off tomorrow and Monday so daycare all day tomorrow and J will do things with her on Monday.  I'm working.  

I hope I can get a couple of posts done for my business in the next few days.  I'm trying to get myself back in the groove of things.  It's been so hard with G's issues these days and dealing with living in a new environment.  We got our cars registered and licenses completed.  We're official residents of this state now.  After 20 years of living in Illinois, it feels strange to me living here.  Lots of tall trees and long summer/fall weather.  Loving it right now.  

Starting something new...

So one of my mentees has a separate business.  She asked me if I was interested in becoming an affiliate and after looking at the website and jewelry, I decided to join.  The company is called My Snappy Place.  I just got my affiliate link.  I have some kinks to work out but here is the link.  So far, I'm loving the jewelry and can't wait to get my order.

My Snappy Place

On another note, I started G on the meds.  I'm not sure it's the answer but I'm giving it a try.  She's been on it for 2 days and I'm already worried about the side effects.  Two days in a row she got very sleepy in the afternoon.  Today I took her Burger Kings playhouse and she played for a little while but not as much as I had expected and then she fell asleep on the way home.  Once home, she went to her room to continue her nap.  That's not my daughter.  She was so sedated and I didn't like it.  I sent a note to her teacher so she's aware of what's going on and can also let us know if she sees anything different, good or bad.  Hoping in the next few days the sleepiness will go away.  

Lot's to work on...

So these last few weeks seem to be getting slightly better.  I don't want to deceive myself and think she's doing so much better because I'm sure I'll get disappointed if I do that.  But it looks like she's really trying to do better and I love her for trying so hard.  This week was hard.  G got sick at daycare on Wednesday and had a rough night with throwing up and a fever.  Thursday she still had some fever but recovered well.  It was so bizarre because Wednesday morning we took her to the ENT and she was fine.  That evening she got sick.  So quick.  But the word from the ENT is that they want to do surgery to remove her adenoids and tonsils.  The Dr does think it's a contributing factor in her behavior.  Then Thursday, J went alone to the pediatrician to discuss her behavior and the screening.  They want to try meds but the opposite of a stimulant.  More of a sedative to slow her down.  J also wanted to not do the surgery till we move but I'm against that.  I think it'll make a huge difference in her life.  I told J I would speak to the counselor about the meds and my concerns.  Also about the concern of waiting to do surgery.  J leaves tomorrow and will be home by the end of the week.  Might be nice to have the bed to myself and the TV.  

Trying to get answers...

Moving has been hard.  Hard on all of us but especially G.  She has not been accepting of this move.  In the last week, I've seen some changes.  A little better than before.  I've been trying to spend more time with her.  I need to be consistent with that.  That's my new goal for her.  Every day, we get at least 10 minutes of Giuli time.  Play whatever game she wants to play.  I want to build happy memories of us spending time together.  But I have to admit, something is not always right with her.  When she goes downhill, she hits the ground hard.  I know she doesn't realize what she's doing so trying to stop her is hard and exhausting.  Tomorrow we have the ENT appointment.  One of the pieces of the puzzle coming together.  On Thursday, we talk to her Dr about the Vanderbilt Assessment we turned in.  Praying one of these doctors can help get Giuli the help she needs.  She's not a bad child.  But this move didn't bring out the best in her.  Change is not something she likes but it's the way life goes.  It doesn't help that we still live out of boxes.  J refuses to accept living here but I try to make things normal for her.  It's not about him, it's about taking care of G and making sure she's ok.  But she'll be ok.  I'm positive about that.  We love her and will do anything to make sure she's ok.

Little Girl Problems...

Things have been tough in August and now September.  G is not adjusting well to doing the right thing when she's on the van to the daycare or even at daycares.  We are now on daycare #3 and I'm praying it will go smoothly or we are screwed.  We have her in counseling now too.  We go as a family and she seems to like the therapist.  He knows how to talk to her and she has a positive reaction.  He doesn't think she has ADHD but that she's just having an issue adjusting to new environments.  He pointed that out too.  In his office, she sat down and drew a picture for him.  She was totally focused on what she was doing. She wasn't out of control or doing anything wrong.  I just love her to death and hate that she's so angry inside that she doesn't know how to manage it.  To add to the difficulty these days, both J and I have been ill as well so managing a disobedient child is so hard to do.  We also started noticing some issues with Giuli and breathing at night.  She's snoring and at one point she stopped breathing.  She then kicks violently and starts all over again.  We got her to the Dr and sent her for an x-ray.  She has large adenoids and tonsils so we need to get to an ENT.  Currently, I put her back on Flonase and that seems to help with her sleeping right now.  If she has interrupted sleep that could contribute to some of her bad behavior.  Not all of it.  We need to work on behavior modification at home as well.  I guess we failed on that and wish we had started it sooner.  Now we have an angry 5-year old that gets out of control when she's tired or overstimulated.  The Dr had her teacher and us fill out the Vanderbilt assessment but right now, I'm against mind-altering meds to fix her behavior.  We need to work on that at home and hopefully, she'll get it.  I need to get myself together.  I have an hour before we pick her up and I need to not be so emotional.  I'm just feeling so sad right now.  Feeling ill doesn't help either.  

Changes in your life...

Love this quote.  It's the story of my life. Lots of bad chapters, wrong paths, and failed dreams on the path to building my family.  But now she's here.  If having her was easy, I wouldn't be the person I am today.  That shaped me in ways I didn't like at the time but I realize now, that I'm a better mom for going through it.  Don't get me wrong, I would have been the happiest person if I could have just decided, let's have a baby and it just happen. But that's not what the plan was.  I'm forever grateful and blessed to have her in my life.  

I think the same can be true for this online business.  I've had bad chapters and taken wrong paths, but I'm not giving up.  I know I can do it.  Heck, look what I went through to have my daughter.  I will succeed as long as I keep trying, keep an open mind, and change things up when necessary.  And I really like doing this.  I get to be creative and have fun.  

Struggles...

So we did it. J dropped us off and left.  He'll be back next week but so typical of him.  It's happened before. I guess it forces me to get used to the situation as Giuli also needs to as well.  I'm exhausted, overwhelmed, and not accustomed to the humidity and hour difference but soon we both will be.  We enjoyed some time at the pool today and I promised her we'd go again tomorrow.  Maybe we'll do it earlier.  I honestly don't plan on going anywhere tomorrow.  Maybe I'll see what the school list is and start getting some of the supplies needed for school.  I've already spent so much at Walmart in 3 days.  We've been living on frozen foods but at least it's not fast food.  Can't stand it anymore.  It's 7:50 and I'm trying to get her back on schedule.  I got her to sleep in her room last night.  Well, some of the night at least.  It's a work in progress. Hopefully, tonight she'll sleep the entire night in her room.  Fingers crossed. 

Tonight is the LIVE workshop

Get started today!  Click on the photo below to sign up and learn more about this opportunity!  

Can you say NUTS...

Seriously feeling like that lately.  Things have been so crazy here.  We have so much going on and I'm trying to stay connected to my online business.  Sometimes it's hard so I give myself some grace about it.  Not many people can handle a full-time job, side gig, my secret adventure, and still, be a full-time wife and mom.  Things are changing.  They are scary.  The time crunch is here.  With that.  Have a great night :)

Trying new things...

 So I'm trying another blog but just not feeling it.  Maybe it's everything that's going on around me that interfering with my positive energy lately.  I'm not a quitter.  It took me 19 years to finally bring home my little girl and if that's not a commitment, I don't know what is.  I've been working on my online business for a little over a year.  I have a few buyers and some buyers that were refunded.  I need to turn it around for myself.  I know this isn't the best time to worry about all this and in about a month or so, I'll be able to focus better to grow my business.  Maybe I need to give up the other blog.  I love this blog.  It's my memoir of years of struggling to bring my daughter into this world.  It's years of living with a husband only home part-time (although he's been home a really long time now and I need some serious alone time).   Here is a pic of my family and me.  

My Family

Catching up...

It's been a long time since I posted.  Lots of things have happened.  We got through the holidays with a visit to J's family.  It was really nice to see everyone on the holiday.  They gave Giuli a birthday party.  And yes, she is pretty spoiled but I'm not sorry about that.  She's now a 5-year-old and she'll be starting Kindergarten in the fall.  Crazy how 5 years have gone by so quickly.  I'm still working on my new business venture and hope and pray each day that I'm doing the right thing.  I finally got a buyer that didn't refund and seems rather excited to do this.  I think she'll do a really good job too. J is having his surgery next Tuesday.  I'm having anxiety over it.  I know it's routine but you never know what could happen.  I'm just going to keep praying about it and know that G-d is looking out for us.  We are hoping to finally get the house together, sell, and move to GA before Giuli starts school.  We'll see how it goes.  One step at a time, right? 

Medical issues....still!

J is still recovering from Covid.  Still has the A-fib.  Still scared his heart is going to just stop beating.  Last night, G was in bed and crying.  She wanted Daddy to stay with her.  She was scared because of Daddy's heart.  She was crying her eyes out and so scared.  It broke my heart to realize she was scared of what's happening to him.  I assured her that Daddy was going to be ok.  J came in and hugged her and said the same thing.  She finally went to sleep.  My poor little girl.  Too young to think of these things.  I just want to protect her from the world sometimes.  J is going to go to the Mayo Clinic and have a consult there.  I guess a second opinion would be a good idea before going through surgery on an organ you can't live without.

Medical problems...

So J spent 10 days in the hospital with Covid.  Wish they would have started some treatment but I guess suffering is what the Dr's and the state want.  He apparently went into afib a few times but they neglected to tell him about it.  When he looks back, he realizes now what happened was the afib.  But even when discharged from the hospital, it was never mentioned on the discharge papers or by any Dr or nurse.  They basically dumped him out by the ambulance bay.  And why like that is what I'd like to know.  It all seemed to be a huge stigma and punishment.  You didn't get the Covid vaccine and do as you were told to do, so now you are going to be treated like a piece of crap.  He got lectured longer about getting the vaccine than his current medical problems.  Now he has to have surgery to correct the heart problem.  So pissed about that right now.  He will be ok.  I just want our lives to go back to normal.  

My Girl is Home...

 What a day it was.  Got up at 4:30am to get ready.  Airport, through security, the pump went off so needed a pat-down.  Got breakfast, (smart move since I didn't get another chance to eat), gate, plane, take-off, land, run through the airport to find Grandparents and G.  Check her in and luggage, go back through security and same crap with a pat-down only now I have G and that's another level of panic.  But she did great for the most part.  Oh and I had the super heavy, I can't manage car seat with me to take on the plane.   A very nice passenger helped me get it on the plane.  Then we buckled and took off.  Now, after we landed I waited till everyone was off.  No flight attendant helped.  Told G to stay in the isle till I got back.  Took the seat off and the flight attendant said I can't return and why was I.  I told her I'm getting my child.  Sorry they were too stupid to see me dragging a car seat with nothing else off the plane.  They were rather busy laughing and talking.  Oh well.  Got G and made it out the jet bridge.  Then, strapped the car seat to my new 4 wheel helper.  G then strapped herself in and we made our way through the airport.  Got to the luggage and found it.  Called the car service and went on to the Chicago broken streets where everything went bad.  Note to self.  G can't be in the seat at this point.  Butt dialed J, my sister, and the driver.  Sweat from parts of my body I didn't know would sweat.  But, we were on our way home.  Got home, relaxed for a little, and then went to get G her COVID test.  What a day but my girl is now home and we are loving it.  

August 2021 = Covid

So it's been a hard month.  J brought Covid home from his trip.  Diagnosed on 8/3 and I got diagnosed on 8/5.  By Sunday, Jim was admitted to the hospital and put on oxygen.  I tried to take care of our very healthy 4-year-old, work my job, and take care of myself.  By 8/13 I arranged for my daughter to go stay with her Aunt, Uncle, and Grandparents.  She's been there ever since.  I miss her like crazy and want her to come home.  Jim is home now, but still having some heart issues so driving to get her is out of the question.  As of now, I'm taking a flight on Monday to go bring her home the same day.  I'm nervous, worried about problems with the airline, getting through security going, and coming home.  It's a lot to think about for one day of travel.  But my baby will be home.  I've had some insecurities come up lately too.  I know it's crazy.  But a long time ago, my best friend made comments that stung and still come up sometimes in my head.  I gave birth to her, I love her and I know in my heart that she loves me but after she was born, for the longest time, I doubted that she loved me.  My MIL made a comment.  It was an innocent comment but it brought back those doubts.  I don't blame my MIL for saying anything.  Well, I do blame her for carrying a scissor around with her so she can cut my daughter's hair the first chance she gets.  Trying to let it go but next time she goes to their house, I'm making it clear that cutting any piece of hair is off-limits.  It's not her place and I don't understand why she keeps doing it.  Anyway, I'm excited for her to come home.  

COVID....

 So hubby goes away from mid-July and returns on July 30th.  On July 31 he gets a call from his HR department telling him he came in close contact with someone who has tested positive for COVID.  If he got word the day before he wouldn't have come home.  Now, he's home, isolating in our bedroom.  Fever comes and goes along with body aches.  Since we didn't know till Saturday afternoon, lots of snuggles with the little one, and we slept in the same bed, touched the same things, etc.  Now I'm starting to feel ill but I'm also very stressed.  The little one is home for 2 weeks and I'm still trying to work full time.  haha on me. And I'm sleeping on the couch (kind of comfy) but does it matter at this point.  I'm fully exhausted and coughing a lot.   A little pressure on my chest comes and goes.  I need prayers that we will get through this.  I know the survival rate is 99% so I keep reminding myself of that.  

Trying new things...

So what I've realized on this journey is that it's always changing.  You have to push yourself all the time.  Keep at it.  Every day you must post.  I'm trying to keep up with 3x/day.  I redid my ad.  Some days I get results, some days I don't.  But I have to keep on trying and won't let that get me down.  I try to keep on being inspiring.  Try to engage more with the followers.  This is all the time.  Once I get buyers, it'll start to get easier.  My followers are growing.  It takes time to build up anything.  If it was easy, then everyone would do it.  

Friday accomplishments...

So I had today off.  I had some goals I wanted to accomplish.  I was determined to fix the window screen.  We have some other screens that need mending but I figured, let me try one and see how it goes.  Well, fixing a screen is really an easy thing to do.  I watched a youtube video and was able to remove the damaged screen.  I then cleaned it up a bit and went to the store.  I needed new screen materials, a new screen plunger, and a spline and spline tool.  Got it all.  The screen plunger didn't work well.  OK. off to Ace to see if they have them.  found them. With J's help, I got the screen plungers working.  I then laid out the screen, cut around it so it had some hanging over.  Used the spline tool to push the spline into the groove.  Then cut the excess off. Awesome, it was done...Wait...oops, I cut the screen.  Take it all apart and do it again only more careful when I cut the excess off.  And really the hardest part of all that was getting the screen back in the window.  But now it's done and I want to take care of the rest of the window..  The next thing I know, it's 3pm and the day is almost over.  So one screen fixed is what I  accomplished on my day off. YAY.   

Listening to the lessons...

Being an online entrepreneur is so new for me.  It's a new way of thinking.  I'm not an employee to myself.  I need to own my why, goals, failures, and successes.  It's a work in progress and if I keep at it, I'll succeed.  I might have failures along the way but in the end, I will succeed.  

Digital Business Blues....

 So it's not always sunshine and roses.  I'm trying to plan, listen to masterminds, learn, learn, learn.  Work on perfecting my messages.  Keep on posting.  Some drawbacks.  If you change anything on your page, you seem to get dinged by FB.  I just need to plug through it and keep on posting my message.  Keep on engaging and connecting with people that like and follow my page.  Sometimes it gets hard.  But I am determined to be successful.  

Bumps in the road...

So, I'm trying a new thing.  One of the coaches had a video about it.   I'm setting up duplicate ads for $2/day each.  I did one duplicate.  Did another duplicate with a small change. Did another duplicate with a different image.  This morning, it said I had 2 leads on that one.  So I decided to do another duplicate with another image.  Still waiting for the review to be approved by Facebook.  Got another lead on my main ad that's for $10/day.  Here's the issue.  I didn't get any emails for any of these leads which means these people signed up with someone else within the last 6 months. So I'm starting to feel defeated.  I'm still plugging away and refuse to stop now.  Online is the way of the future and I'm determined to win this battle.  I will find my successful ad.  I will find my niche and my dreams will come true.  All good things come to those who wait, right.  I'm praying each day for us to get through the hard times.   I know we will.  We have before and we will again.  I didn't work so hard for J to change his ways and for Giuli to come along only to give up when things get tough. 

Goals....

 So I'm reading up on how to build up my Facebook Business Page.  I need to set some goals.  I'm watching a webinar on Marketing my Business Page and they suggest coming up with a content calendar.  It's not a new term for me, just didn't think of applying it to my Business Page.  But now I will.  It's a great idea.  I need ideas to post 3x/day and have them ready because I'm busy with my day job.  So, step one is in the works.  Yay...

Leads....

 So yesterday, I got 3 leads.  Today, it says one lead and I didn't get an email to back that up.  I'm taking this one day at a time.  I will get there with perseverance.  I will get there if I put myself out there day after day.  I just need to keep on posting content, build up my followers and I'm sure I'll start getting leads and then buyers.  Each day that I post, I'm more confident in who I am and what I'm doing.  I can feel the difference in me if that makes sense.  I feel the changes and change is good.

Trying to be a success!

 I'm really trying to push myself harder.  I want this to succeed.  I know it can.  This isn't hard work.  Anyone can do this.  It's about what you want and how hard you will try to meet your goals and dreams.  I started this in January.  My business page was started in February.  My first likes ad was running in March and my conversion ads have been running end of March to now.  I'm getting leads.  Not a lot but some.  Eventually, someone will be interested and become a buyer.  I just need to keep on posting and getting more followers on my page.  As I post, I feel like my confidence builds up more and more.  It's so important for me to become confident.  For this business and myself.  

Anyone interested in finding out about this here is my Facebook business page and here is my website

My Facebook Business Page...

So I'm trying to think outside the box.  I'm trying to drive people to my website and now I'm trying to drive people to my business page.  Here is the link to My Business Page.  I started this journey in February.  I have about 490 likes/followers.  It's a start.  It takes some work but not something that is full-time.  I like this business and I believe it will work out.  This step-by-step training has taught me so much.  I'm learning to change my mindset which is so key when you have your own business.  You have no one to push you to the next level by yourself.  No one to answer to but yourself.  Every day I need to make the decision to do the work necessary or my page won't advance and I won't get any leads or buyers. 

Digital Business Opportunity...

I've mentioned my new adventure but haven't really given a lot of details out.  All I will say it's been a blessing to start this business.  It's a business I own.  I need to put in the work if I expect to get returns.  I need to build up a following if I'm to get trust with people.  I'll never steer anyone to do anything they don't want to.  It's simple.  If people want to have an online business then they need to have a source of money to start it up as you would any business.  I feel like people can't change the thinking that someone needs to pay for it for them.  Then it's not your business.  You just work for that business.  Owning something means changing your mindset from employee to owner.  It means taking responsibility for what you have to do every day.  It's not hard work but it does take work and time.  I've seen some people complain about the money they are being charged to get the training and coaching call.  The coach needs to be paid for her time.  They've earned it.  I feel lucky to have found this opportunity and this is why.  I have mentors and coaches available to help me, plus an entire community of people who will also help.  No one is alone on this journey.  I've met great people and feel I've made lifelong friends from this.  I'm just saying there is so much personal growth I've already accomplished in just a few short months.  I've learned so much from the training and still learning every day.   I know I can succeed.  I will succeed.

My new adventure needs help...

So I'm going to post here what I'm doing as well as on Facebook.  I'm starting an Online Digital Business using "Attraction Marketing".  In other words, I signed up, paid a small fee, and bought a product.  I then get amazing training to learn how to do the same thing.  I set up a business page, got lots of likes on my page (would like more followers), running my first conversion ad, etc.  I did it all myself with the help of my mentor. She's amazing by the way.  I work in advertising but know nothing about this stuff.  It's an amazing learning experience and I believe I can succeed.  I will succeed because I'm that hot-headed enough to not give up.  

The link to my business page is: https://www.facebook.com/alisonhfarina

The link to my website is: https://www.alison-farina.com

I hope you visit and join up.  If you want to start an online business to earn extra money, fund your retirement, or save for your kids' college, then take a chance and find out what it's all about.  This community is amazing.  I see the possibilities and no, I don't plan to bother my friends or family to join.  This is strictly for people that are interested and want to do this.  It's not for everyone. Some people have no interest and some don't have the drive.  It's also not a get-rich-quick scheme.  It's hard work that I hope will pay off in the end so I can pay our debts and not get a second job that'll take me away from my little girl.  And don't think I didn't think about it.   We have debts to pay back and since my husband was off for an entire year (thanks COVID) it has hurt us.  The measly money the government gave us was just a taste of what's needed to fix our debt. 

Anyway, I hope all hs had a wonderful Mother's Day.  I did.  I'm blessed.

My new adventures...

I've been so busy building this business that I've been neglecting my blog. I'm loving this new project.  This new business that I'm setting up, I'm learning so much.  I gather some may not understand but the wealth of knowledge I'm getting is priceless to me.  I can't see the future but I'll do my best to go in the direction that gives me growth, takes me out of my comfort zone, and will possibly get me further in life.  I'm learning about Facebook, Instagram, YouTube and LinkedIn advertising.  Starting with Facebook for now but maybe I'll learn about the others too.  It's all at my fingertips, I just need to do it.   

Growing up....

 My daughter never ceases to amaze me.  We've been giving her melatonin for kids to help her get to sleep at night.  It's been a battle.  Melatonin has changed that.  She went to sleep without fuss last night, got up while I was getting ready.  She dressed herself with clothes she picked out.  And she was happy and smiling.  Amazing.  

Getting toddlers to eat...

So this is a big challenge in this house but things have been changing.  First off, I discovered melatonin for kids and it's a huge lifesaver.  G just wasn't going to sleep.  Kept getting up, fix my blankets, I'm thirsty, I have to potty, etc... Anyway, we tried this and it worked so well.  She went to bed on her own, slept all night and got up early without any fuss.  

Next issue is mealtime.  Every night same question, what's for dinner?  Next question, do I eat it?  I always say yes.  On the weekend we had tacos.  I thought she liked tacos but suddenly she wouldn't touch it.  I saw that they had these soft taco boats.  I thought, why not, maybe that's why she won't eat it.  It falls out of the shell and frustrates her.  Well, that was it.  She loved it.  Ate almost the entire taco.  I guess the secret is to just get in the head of the child.  At least this time it worked.

Thank you El Paseo for your taco boats :)

Cleaning up....

So I'm more motivated than ever to get out of this house.  I want G and us to live a normal life and I don't think that will ever happen in this state.  The leadership here feels mighty powerful and doesn't want to let that power go.  So we need to move to a place that G can meet and have friends over.  Go to school full time.  Have after school functions in person.  Places like that exist but not here so much.  Any excuse to shut it down, happens.  Last year was hard.  But now we are in a groove and I want out before they get another excuse to shut it down.  

This month, I'm working on the office.  I'm getting rid of G's current bed and replacing it with the daybed in the office.  It'll look much nicer than what she has right now.  Then it'll also be easier to start packing up things and throwing things out.  Just taking baby steps to get there.  Once this room is done, I think it'll be easier to do the rest.  

Changes....

2020 was one year for the records.  So much happened.   It'll be a year on March 23rd that I started WFH.  A week later my daughters daycare closed down.  I had to figure out how to work from home and take care of a toddler that didn't understand why she was home from daycare.   I really don't remember much from those 2 months except the drink I had to unwind every night.  But we made it through and Giuli returned to daycare in June.  Next issue was dinners.  We were eating junk food all the time and I knew we needed to stop that.  I started planning our meals out each week.  Made tomato basil and meat sauce on a  regular basis and try to keep jars in the freezer for meals.  Found easy recipes we love through website searches.  I'm making a new recipe book so we can easily have them on hand when we want them.  I try to plan for the following week by the weekend so I can stock up on what's needed and plan according.  All this has helped with our eating budgets.  We get at least 2 meals out of every one that I cook.  No 2020 was a hard year but it forced me to change.  I think these changes are for the better.  Makes me a better person and a mom.  

Jumping in with two feet...

OK.  I've done it now.  I signed the paperwork.  Purchased my product.  I'm waiting for the rest of the training to be unlocked.  Nervous but excited.  I really see the potential.  The potential to learn something new.  The potential to bring me out of my comfort zone and challenge myself.  These are things I really can't object to.  It'll help me grow as a person to do this. And who can argue with that?

Anxiety...

 Lately, I've been feeling anxious and nervous.  Our finances are not good and I'm trying to find a way out of this hole we're in.  Is there a get rich quick scheme anywhere out there?  Maybe a reputable side business that I can do online?  I've been researching.  I know J is too.  I did find something but I'm so nervous about it.  Will it pay off.  The people who have tried say yes.  But with hard work and following the training they give us.  So scared I'm making a mistake but also praying it can and will pay off.  I'm not expecting money to just roll in but I have to try, right?  What's a little more money down the drain, right?  Maybe the training will help me with other future endeavors, right?  I see the pros and I see the cons.  Scary, right?  2020 has been a hard year and I need to put it past me.  Maybe this will help my family.  All I want to do is get our debts paid down so we can move out of this frozen tundra with a little dignity.

Sick kiddos...

 One of the things I hate the most is when my little one get's sick.  It always seems to come on so quickly and takes the spark out of her.  And of course I'm always thinking the worst.  She was fine on Saturday and early Sunday (she played in the snow) then went downhill quickly.  Fevers of 101-103 Sunday to Monday.  Then she recovered on Monday afternoon.  House looked like a tornado went through it and this Mama was overwhelmed.  And of course she couldn't go back to daycare till she was 24 hours without fever.  But she is better.  A bit cranky but better and now in school so Mama can get back to work.

2021 Giuliisms

Just starting the 2021 Giuli laughables....

• J walking with a cane.  Giuli "Daddy, are you an old man?"  Daddy "Yes I am."  Then laughs.  Giuli takes cane and says "I want to be an old man". Proceeds to try and walk with the cane that is taller than her.

• In the bathroom I tell Giuli to get some toilet paper and wipe.  She grabs the toilet paper and crumbles it into a ball then puts it between her but cheeks.  "Mommy, look....I'm a bunny" and starts to hop around the bathroom"  🤣

• J is watching Sunny Bunnies with G.  One Sunny Bunny is eating a snack and offers to share with another Sunny Bunny.  G says that's nasty.  And when the virus is over, it'll still be nasty.

• We're driving in the car and a loud car goes zooming by.  G say's that scared her. "It freaked me out"  Then she says, "It scared the crap out of me"🤣

• Giuli brings her barbie doll to sit in the bed with us while she watches her nighttime show.  She says she wants her to sleep in the bed with her.  Then she says mommy said we'll see which means yes.

Planning our exit...

J and I have been working on this for quite some time.  Seems like it always takes just about forever to get from A to B these days.  With J being home since May, yep, since May we've been working on doing what we can to fix up the house and get out of this state.  I like the friends I've made and my neighbors but we need to live somewhere that the cost of living isn't so crazy.  Our property tax on our house is almost the same as our mortgage payment.  And we don't have a big house or live in the best area.  Especially when it comes to school for Giuli.  

Anyways, since J has been home and collecting unemployment (not much) I was able to get a loan from my 401K.  A big loan.  We put in a fence and updated our landscaping.  Also, replaced the counter and sinks in the bathroom.  Sinks were cracked and the counter was part of the sink.  Replaced the front door and storm doo.  Also needed to use a lot to pay bills and just live.  So now we still have to fix the roof and the front steps to finish the outside.  Then we need to replace the carpet and flooring in 2 bathrooms.  Fix walls, change out light fixtures throughout the house and throw out lots and lots of stuff.  Just writing all this out gives me such anxiety.  Especially now that most of that money is gone and I need to start paying it back out of my check.  Ouch.  Talk about stress.  Hoping it will all pay off and we can pay down some debt that we are accumulating once we sell the house and move.  Can't wait till we are out of here.

Meat Sauce....

So I have this meat sauce recipe I've used for years that I got from San Giorgio pasta. They have a lot of good ones.  In the last year, a friend mentioned to add riced cauliflower for veggies.  Seemed like a good idea. I also made an error when looking in my pantry for crushed tomatoes.  I accidently grabbed diced tomatoes which was a good accident as we like it with both crushed and now a can of diced tomatoes.   Not long after, J started saying he really didn't like the meat sauce.  Not his thing.  So on Monday, I made the meat sauce. It's been a while and my little one loves it.  I didn't put in the cauliflower.  J now likes it again. Says it tastes better.  So for those wondering if cauliflower made a difference (I didn't think it would) it does.  Now we are all happy with the meat sauce again and I can add it back to our menu of dinners.

Meat Sauce recipe if you are interested

INGREDIENTS
1 lb ground beef
1/2 cup chopped onion
1 clove garlic, minced
28 oz can crushed tomatoes
1 14 oz can of diced tomatoes
1 cup water
6 oz can tomato paste
1 tablespoon fresh parsley
2 teaspoons dried basil
1 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon ground black pepper

DIRECTIONS:

Brown ground beef in a large skillet; add onion, garlic and cook until onion is tender. Stir in crushed tomatoes, diced tomatoes, water, tomato paste, parsley, basil, salt and pepper; simmer 30 minutes.

Freedom....

 Last week was an unusual.  The Capital was attacked by rioters and it made a lot of news.  What baffles me is the "mostly peaceful protests" that happened over the course of 2020 but didn't sound as harsh by most of the media.  Does our media really have that much power?  Should they be putting in their 2 cents if there job is to report the news.  They downplayed the riots and burning of businesses.  That's not right.  But then they go out of control on the protesters by the Capital.  We all have a right to free speech but I don't feel like I can do that on social media.  Should I worry about my job because of what I believe?  I'm not a protestor or a rioter.  I'm a Woman, a Mom, a Wife, a Sister, a Daughter.  I believe in what this country's constitution says but I know that I can't say what I believe in on social media for fear of retribution from my colleagues.  That is a sad day in this country when people have fear of expressing themselves.

Taco and Quesadilla Time...

Lately, my little one asks, "what's for dinner".  I'll tell her and the next sentence is "do I eat it".  I always say yes even if it is a new dish because it's usually the same foods cooked a little different.  Either way, I'm hoping she'll try them.  Now, we had luck with tacos a few times and quesadillas.  Then all the sudden, she was in rejection mode.  I want mac and cheese.  That's her comfort food.  So I made mac and cheese because I didn't want fighting.  I made taco meat, black beans, cheese, chopped tomato and lettuce.  J wanted hard taco shells but I opted for soft.  G say the soft and suddenly wanted a quesadilla.  so I made her one with cheese.  Then she decided to add black beans, tomatoes, lettuce and meat to it.  She ate half of mac and cheese and half a quesadilla she put together.  I guess that's a win for eating.  

Tomato Basil Soup...

This is one of my favorite recipes that I got from a friend.  We don't eat it as soup though.  We use it on our pasta.  If my 4 year old eats it up then I'm thrilled.  Nowadays, she'll ask, "do I eat that".  We always say yes even if she just picks at it.  However, she does eat this one most of the time.  

Tomato & Basil Soup
Servings: 6

Ingredients
2 Tbsp. olive oil
1 cup chopped carrot(s)
1 cup chopped onion(s)
1 cup chopped celery
1 tsp. dried thyme
2 tsp. minced garlic
1 leaf bay leaf
1 28 oz can and 1 14 oz can diced tomatoes
1 3/4 cup vegetable broth
1/2 cup heavy whipping cream
4 Tbsp. chopped basil

Directions
Heat 2 tablespoons olive oil in heavy large saucepan over medium heat. Add chopped carrots, onion and celery. Sauté` until beginning to soften, about 5 minutes. Mix in thyme, garlic and bay leaf. Add all canned tomatoes with their juices and vegetable stock. Simmer about 20 minutes. Add whipping cream; simmer 5 minutes. Mix in 4 tablespoons chopped fresh basil. Remove bay leaf. Working in batches, puree soup in blender. (Definitely small batches unless you are ok with it on your ceiling) Transfer to large saucepan. Season soup with salt and pepper. Serve over pasta or as a soup.

New year, new me....

 No doubt in anyone's mind, 2020 was not a good year.  Things changed and hoping it's not forever.  I would love to visit my family in the summer but not if it's still like this and if it is, probably won't go back to NY unless I have to.  I don't like the idea of living in a police state.  That is not American to me. 

On another note, I will try my hardest to improve my diet.  I noticed that when I eat my weight in sugar cookies, I don't feel that great.  Glad to say the sugar cookies are now gone and I'm quitting it cold turkey.  Just going to be mindful of what I put in my mouth so no big plans.  Just tracking and being mindful.  Drinking more water, less sugar.  

It's nice to get back to normal (haha).  At least what I've been used to the last 9 months.  In my office at home, working at my desk.    Setting my meal plans so we have things to eat at dinner other than fast food.  I guess that's one thing that WFH has helped with.  Making better dinners for us.  I refuse to go back to eating on the fly.  This is working out so much better for us.

4 Years Old already.....

Time has really flown by.  Just yesterday I was arguing with J about driving to the hospital to deliver this precious gift from God.  And now, she's a  beautiful,  strong willed, loving but devious little lady.  Each day is a gift with her.  All I can do now is pray that I raise her right.  Teach her to be thoughtful and caring.  Teach her to look out for others when they need it.  To share with others.  She is a bit hyperactive and sensitive to foods that may cause hyperactivity and aggression.  We've noticed it a lot when she eats foods with dyes.  Trying to eliminate that.  This week has been hard.  But I love spending time with her.  Wish I was a bit younger and had more energy.  Need to up the exercise so I can keep up with her more.  But I don't let it stop me from being with her.  No one knows better than I how much she's wanted and loved.  I prayed for her for years.  Had lost so much.  I remember I was scared that when I did get pregnant, I wouldn't know what to do.  I was so wrong.  I will always remember the struggle but it was all worth it in the end.

It's always ok in the end.  If it's not ok, then it's not the end.  

I guess I'm saying that it's ok now.  Our journey to three is now complete.  I wish I could have another but it's not in the cards for us.  

That's the good part of this post.  Here's the other half.  2020 has been the hardest year of my life.  We're surviving.  I'm not sure how sometimes but we are.  I have learned to adapt.  I will say, I'm grateful, G went back to school in June.  I wasn't doing very well at that point.  Working with a 3 year old who was crying and wanting someone to play with her was hard to deal with.  Unfortunately, the tablet became her friend more than I would have liked.  G was showing signs of depression and it made me sad.  I know people say kids are resilient but I don't want the world to shut down and see her spiral down like that.  Also, J has been home since May but hasn't been very helpful when it comes to cooking, cleaning or caring for G.  Maybe it's a bit of depression.  But it's been hard.  I've found ways to come up with meals to cook easily.  Crock pot meals are the easiest and I go for easy.  At this point, I'll be working from home till at least the summer.  I'm hoping it's for good.  Hoping we can finish cleaning up the house, sell and move south for good.  I truly hate living here and feel like it will be restrictive like for good.  Politicians got a taste of power and now they just abuse it.  J was in 7-11 and his mask was below his nose.  The management didn't say anything but some crazy woman started yelling at him and chasing him down.  Started taking pictures of him and his car while he was driving.  What the heck was that.  If the store didn't care, why was she getting so close and invading his space.  What right did she have to do that.  I'm sure she called the police but really, what are they going to do.  7-11 wasn't her store and J has rights.  

Here's to a happy new year 2021.....BYE BYE 2020.  YOU SUCKED!

Giuliana Quotes 2019/2020 - Things I want to remember...

 I want to remember them so here they are.

Giuliana Quotes 2019/2020

The Year of 2020

2020 started off great.  Then it all got weird.  I packed up my office at work on March 20th thinking I'd be home for a few weeks.  Then a week later my daughter was home as well.  Work became a blur, while I worked from the kitchen table and tried to manage my 3 year old that didn't understand why she was not going back to school to see her beloved teacher and friends.  My potty trained little girl suddenly started having accidents.  Stopped taking naps, took walks with me only for her to say, "Mommy, I just want to go home"  She only had us and no one to play with.  I was working all day as best I could while trying to watch her and keep her entertained.  She got a climber with a slide, a new playhouse, bike, skates.  Anything we could do to keep her busy since the parks were closed and no kids were around to play with.  When daycare started up again, Giuli was excited to go back.  Although it wasn't allowed the kids hugged in delight.  Seems crazy to tell kids one minute to be affectionate and the next, not to go near each other.  Finally the parks re-opened and Giuli was back at playing with kids she'd meet in the park.  One man brought his daughter to the park and then tells me "Social distance please"  since my 3 year old wanted to play with his daughter.  My feeling is that if you are that worried, don't go to the park where there are little children. I'm not going to restrain my daughter and keep her away from other kids.  Restrain yourself and stay home.    Now we are coming to the end of the year, and I'm still WFH.  Giuli is still in daycare, and J is still home driving me nuts.  I think he'll be home till the end of the year.  

Some pics of my grown up little one.

Ready for school

Matching nightie's

Waiting for the Dr.

Chillin till we leave for school!

I'm just soooo cool!

I just love summer!

2020....

Happy New Year!  I'm starting the year off with a threenager.  I didn't know what that was till now.  Someone is mostly potty trained now.  Will poop in the potty at daycare but not at home.  At home she begs for her diaper to poop into.  She's starting to sleep in her underwear with no accident as of yet, but still won't poop in the potty.  Anyway, tantrums are worse than ever but attempting to just ignore her and let her scream.  But boy can she carry on forever.  She is so STRONG WILLED.  Just want to get back to our normal routine.  Back with the people she loves and misses.  I'll even be glad to go back to work.

Christmas, Hanukkah and the Birthday Girl...

Hard to believe she's three years old now.  I remember thinking I'd never be a mom.  Those days are over but I still remember them.  It's made me appreciate being G's mom more than ever.  God blessed me to have her.  Made my pregnancy go by healthy and uneventful for the most part.  Grateful she was born perfect.  She's difficult.  Strong willed.  Rambunctious. High energy that we need to channel.  I may be an old mom but I'm still a new mom trying to figure it all out.  I have some facebook groups I belong to and it helps to hear I'm not alone.  Everyone always eludes that their children are perfect.  My child's crazy behavior isn't an anomaly that no one else has experienced.  I will say that having a child like G is a reason many don't have another.  Of course, that's a joke.  But hopefully as she grows and matures she'll get better at listening and understanding.  That putting on her coat when it's 5 degrees is important.  Not kicking off her sneakers in the car when she doesn't get her way.  No matter what though, I'll love her to the moon and back.  She has made our life is complete.

Surprises...

I am so amazed at how much my little one knows.  Today is my birthday and J handed G a card.  She took off with it and J ran after her.  She came into my room and said, "Happy Birthday Mommy!"  and handed me the card.  She such a joy in my life.  I love this little girl to the moon and back.

Willfull little girls...

Well, that's what I got.  The most strong willed little girl ever.  Small but mighty.  Going through the terrible two's and trying not be spoil her.  She stomps her little foot when she doesn't get her way.  Two timeouts just today.  Throwing food, feet on the table, I want this I want that.  For the most part she's my little angel but today, it was NO, NO, NO coming out of her mouth.  Let's change your diaper....NO.  Take that hairclip out of your mouth....NO.  Pick up your toys....NO (but what kid wants to clean up anyway).   Dry hair, pajamas, brush teeth...NO, NO, NO....  The funny part is that she was in back up care a few days ago, she was on her best behavior.  Sat with all the other kids and ate her snack and drank her water out of her cup.  She spilled some water and got up, grabbed a paper towel, wiped up the spill and threw it away in the garbage can.  I was so proud of her and sad too.  So grown up.  Here's a pic of my little grown up girl.  Love her so much!

Two years ago on Mother's day...

My life changed.  J's life changed.  That's the day I had a positive pregnancy test.  Just that previous Sunday we went to South Carolina for our transfer.  The next day our miracle was brought to us.  Our lives have never been the same since.  At the time we did the transfer, I could never imagine how it would feel to be pregnant let alone a Mom.  I remember how much I tried to be hopeful and prayed.  At the time, I wasn't sure how I would make the transition to trying to have a baby to actually being pregnant and then having her.  She truly is a miracle that saved me and J.  He's different.  I'm different, And we have this awesome little person growing up by leaps and bounds.  She is smart and funny and the happiest little girl ever. 

Mothers day was always so hard and got harder every year.  I think about that time and know that there are women who are forever sad on that day too.  I hated going out that day.  Everyone wants to say Happy Mother's Day.  But all I wanted to do was hide at home.  It's changed for me but I know that pain.

Happy Mother's Day to all you Mom's and the ones still fighting to become one.