Trying to get answers...

Moving has been hard.  Hard on all of us but especially G.  She has not been accepting of this move.  In the last week, I've seen some changes.  A little better than before.  I've been trying to spend more time with her.  I need to be consistent with that.  That's my new goal for her.  Every day, we get at least 10 minutes of Giuli time.  Play whatever game she wants to play.  I want to build happy memories of us spending time together.  But I have to admit, something is not always right with her.  When she goes downhill, she hits the ground hard.  I know she doesn't realize what she's doing so trying to stop her is hard and exhausting.  Tomorrow we have the ENT appointment.  One of the pieces of the puzzle coming together.  On Thursday, we talk to her Dr about the Vanderbilt Assessment we turned in.  Praying one of these doctors can help get Giuli the help she needs.  She's not a bad child.  But this move didn't bring out the best in her.  Change is not something she likes but it's the way life goes.  It doesn't help that we still live out of boxes.  J refuses to accept living here but I try to make things normal for her.  It's not about him, it's about taking care of G and making sure she's ok.  But she'll be ok.  I'm positive about that.  We love her and will do anything to make sure she's ok.

Catching up...

It's been a long time since I posted.  Lots of things have happened.  We got through the holidays with a visit to J's family.  It was really nice to see everyone on the holiday.  They gave Giuli a birthday party.  And yes, she is pretty spoiled but I'm not sorry about that.  She's now a 5-year-old and she'll be starting Kindergarten in the fall.  Crazy how 5 years have gone by so quickly.  I'm still working on my new business venture and hope and pray each day that I'm doing the right thing.  I finally got a buyer that didn't refund and seems rather excited to do this.  I think she'll do a really good job too. J is having his surgery next Tuesday.  I'm having anxiety over it.  I know it's routine but you never know what could happen.  I'm just going to keep praying about it and know that G-d is looking out for us.  We are hoping to finally get the house together, sell, and move to GA before Giuli starts school.  We'll see how it goes.  One step at a time, right? 

4 Years Old already.....

Time has really flown by.  Just yesterday I was arguing with J about driving to the hospital to deliver this precious gift from God.  And now, she's a  beautiful,  strong willed, loving but devious little lady.  Each day is a gift with her.  All I can do now is pray that I raise her right.  Teach her to be thoughtful and caring.  Teach her to look out for others when they need it.  To share with others.  She is a bit hyperactive and sensitive to foods that may cause hyperactivity and aggression.  We've noticed it a lot when she eats foods with dyes.  Trying to eliminate that.  This week has been hard.  But I love spending time with her.  Wish I was a bit younger and had more energy.  Need to up the exercise so I can keep up with her more.  But I don't let it stop me from being with her.  No one knows better than I how much she's wanted and loved.  I prayed for her for years.  Had lost so much.  I remember I was scared that when I did get pregnant, I wouldn't know what to do.  I was so wrong.  I will always remember the struggle but it was all worth it in the end.

It's always ok in the end.  If it's not ok, then it's not the end.  

I guess I'm saying that it's ok now.  Our journey to three is now complete.  I wish I could have another but it's not in the cards for us.  

That's the good part of this post.  Here's the other half.  2020 has been the hardest year of my life.  We're surviving.  I'm not sure how sometimes but we are.  I have learned to adapt.  I will say, I'm grateful, G went back to school in June.  I wasn't doing very well at that point.  Working with a 3 year old who was crying and wanting someone to play with her was hard to deal with.  Unfortunately, the tablet became her friend more than I would have liked.  G was showing signs of depression and it made me sad.  I know people say kids are resilient but I don't want the world to shut down and see her spiral down like that.  Also, J has been home since May but hasn't been very helpful when it comes to cooking, cleaning or caring for G.  Maybe it's a bit of depression.  But it's been hard.  I've found ways to come up with meals to cook easily.  Crock pot meals are the easiest and I go for easy.  At this point, I'll be working from home till at least the summer.  I'm hoping it's for good.  Hoping we can finish cleaning up the house, sell and move south for good.  I truly hate living here and feel like it will be restrictive like for good.  Politicians got a taste of power and now they just abuse it.  J was in 7-11 and his mask was below his nose.  The management didn't say anything but some crazy woman started yelling at him and chasing him down.  Started taking pictures of him and his car while he was driving.  What the heck was that.  If the store didn't care, why was she getting so close and invading his space.  What right did she have to do that.  I'm sure she called the police but really, what are they going to do.  7-11 wasn't her store and J has rights.  

Here's to a happy new year 2021.....BYE BYE 2020.  YOU SUCKED!