Treadmill on the way...

J and I decided sometime in Nov that it would be beneficial to get a treadmill.  I've struggled with going to the gym just for the treadmill and the weather here just sucks.  I never want to brave the elements to do a 30 minute run.  Well, starting on Tuesday, I won't have to worry about that anymore.  We went ahead and purchased a treadmill and it will be delivered and put together at our home on Tuesday.  It was expensive but I've cancelled my gym membership and J and I can both use it.  That makes me very excited that he'll be using it too.  Mostly me though.  I'm hoping this will help with all the blood sugar issues I've been having. Maybe with consistent exercise my A1C will improve before my Doctor appointment in March.  

On the IVF front, I still haven't applied for a medical loan yet.  I'm still waiting for a loan to show paid on my credit report.  I thought it would have shown up paid by now but it looks like next week sometime it will show up.  I'm on pins and needles right now.  I'm always going through financing figures over and over again.  I'm always trying to see how much I can save on my own.  I know we'll need to have some money saved.  I guess the problem is that I want to apply for the loan now but know that it's not in our best interest to do that quite yet.  But the urge is still there all the time.  I want to get this show on the road and I want it to be this year.  I'm so anxious lately.  I pray to G-d every day that he will show me the way.   

Beginning of 2014...

My sister calls me daily with updates on my Dad.  He is in end stage dementia.  They are going to put a feeding tube in because he can't swallow anymore. I believe that's because of the Parkinson's and not the dementia.  Anyway, other than the feeding tube, nothing heroic will be done.   We'll visit him in a nursing home till he finally passes on.   I just don't want him to be in any pain or discomfort.  He deserves to feel comfortable at this point in his life.

I'm trying to be patient on the baby front.  I'm hoping  to see what we qualify for in a medical loan.  I want to get this show on the road or at least know what we need to do to get there.  I'm not sure what we'll qualify for but we should qualify for something.  I've been very careful.  I've paid down almost all the credit cards. Our income to debt has improved and we've been extended more credit for our current cards which looks good too.  I was hoping to do this in December but I didn't want to do anything till that loan shows paid in full.  I feel like time is ticking away and it's so painful sometimes.  I've worked at my company for almost 8 years and I've seen people get married, have child after child, growing their families. And my family has just been J and I and our cats.  I'm so tired of this waiting game.  I wish our credit didn't stink.  I wish it was 10 years earlier and we had all the credit cards we needed to do this.  Maybe this is for the best but I can't see that now.  I feel stress and anxiety all the time.  I'm trying to relax but it's so hard to do.  Luckily I have my cats which give lots of snuggles.  

Trying to make plans....

I've been going over it again and again on what to do next.  The plan, as of now, is to continue to pay down the credit cards and in mid Nov, apply for a fertility loan.  I pray we qualify for something.  The last time I applied to Springstone Financing they said I didn't qualify for anything.  I was devastated.  But we have another company we can apply to in addition to Springstone so we'll do both and see what happens.  I think our credit has improved since then.  We've gotten increases in our credit limits which is good to have.  I don't want to ever wind up in a situation like we were five years ago.  We depended on the credit cards when we both lost our jobs.  In the end having so much credit hurt us.  This time, we have limited amount of credit and that's okay.  I prefer to grow our savings account and use that in case of emergencies.  Of course, right now, all I think about is saving for our next treatment.   I'm also doing better with my diet.  I've been using Sparkpeople to track my calories, carbs, weight loss.  I check my blood sugar every morning but it's still on the high side.  Even though I track my carb intake and keep it low it doesn't seem to be changing much.  It's not going any higher but it's not getting any lower.  My next appointment to check my A1C isn't till next Feb/Mar so unless it starts to skyrocket, I'll just wait till then and see what it is.  However, I will say, it gets old tracking carbs.  I'm tired of watching everything I eat.  I'm tired of saying no to all the treats at work.  I'm tired of trying to explain why I say no when asked if I would like a treat.  People take for granted that they can eat whatever they want and as much as they want anytime they want.  I guess I now know that I will have to think twice before eating out or any treat for the rest of my life.  I guess that's why my sister is on insulin.  It's just so much easier to do that than track your food.  But that can only lead to health problems and I want to make sure I'm super healthy to carry a baby.

On another note, J finally finished his logbook.  He's going to schedule an appointment with him AME and get his first class medical so he can go on interviews.  I'm getting excited that he's finally getting the ball rolling.  

Start of 2013

This is the second week of 2013 and I'm not sure it's starting out well. J hurt is neck…I think. Anyway, he's in a lot of pain and can't get comfortable at night to even go to sleep. He's finally going to the doctor today so hopefully they can do something for him. I printed out all the information on ESL (Extended Sick Leave) so we know what to do. He's been freaking out over the loss of pay and the fact that he recently rented a shop. We have a lease for six months so that is what he is worried about among other things. I think everything will be fine. ESL will pay you 60% of your salary. I guess we'll see what the doctor says but I'm hoping it's just a few weeks of physical therapy and back to work. Pray, pray. I know he's been crazy worried because I'm trying to save money for our next treatment and he doesn't want to take any of that savings from me. He stresses too much. I stress too but more out of frustration than anything else. I've already resided to the fact that we'll have to wait till at least next January to do another treatment. I'm hoping both of us can get a $2500 FSA which will give us a tax free/interest free loan for 2014. That along with our savings and 401K loan will give us most of the money we need for a cycle. I just need to keep focusing on that to get me through this year. I'm also hoping to get a loan by then too. We'll see. I'm very satisfied with my savings plan and paying down our debts. It's nice to have some of that taken care of. I think it will help our credit scores tremendously and we should be able to get a loan based on that. One thing I have to start doing again is getting healthy. I was doing so well in December but can't seem to get in the groove of things again. I have a goal of losing about 20 more pounds by summer. I think it will help keep my blood sugar in check plus, I really like how J has been acting around me. He said my legs look like Ferrari's. I'd say that was a very nice compliment and should give me incentive to keep it up.
This week also has a sad memory for me. Two years ago on Jan 10^th, we had to put our sweet Yeager to sleep. I still miss him and wish he could've lived forever. I have two other cats but neither of them have the temperament that Yeager did. I was his peeps and he always tried to make me happy. It was like he was afraid of disappointing me or something. Even when he was terminally ill, he would purr and snuggle with us. And we both still miss him.