Feeling defeated....

I feel like I made one bad decision and now it's going to haunt me.  It took 8 weeks for my HCG to go down to 2.  My RE wanted me to have another sonohystogram to make sure no placental tissue was left behind.  I was really hoping nothing would be found but of course there is either a polyp or placental tissue in my uterus.  Radiologist will determine.  It means surgery either way.  Also explains why I'm still spotting off and on .  If we had done this in August, maybe there wouldn't be anything in my uterus right now and the insurance would have paid it in full. Since J is on LTD we had to sign up with my company insurance and my oop max is 5k.  I guess I'll wait and see what it is first.  But I know it's going to be costly.  My only other option is to travel to my RE and have him do it.  I know it won't cost as much.  I'm just kicking myself for not getting the D&C back in July/Aug.  It would have been over with and I could have been cycling again.  Instead I'm dealing with it now.

Start of 2013

This is the second week of 2013 and I'm not sure it's starting out well. J hurt is neck…I think. Anyway, he's in a lot of pain and can't get comfortable at night to even go to sleep. He's finally going to the doctor today so hopefully they can do something for him. I printed out all the information on ESL (Extended Sick Leave) so we know what to do. He's been freaking out over the loss of pay and the fact that he recently rented a shop. We have a lease for six months so that is what he is worried about among other things. I think everything will be fine. ESL will pay you 60% of your salary. I guess we'll see what the doctor says but I'm hoping it's just a few weeks of physical therapy and back to work. Pray, pray. I know he's been crazy worried because I'm trying to save money for our next treatment and he doesn't want to take any of that savings from me. He stresses too much. I stress too but more out of frustration than anything else. I've already resided to the fact that we'll have to wait till at least next January to do another treatment. I'm hoping both of us can get a $2500 FSA which will give us a tax free/interest free loan for 2014. That along with our savings and 401K loan will give us most of the money we need for a cycle. I just need to keep focusing on that to get me through this year. I'm also hoping to get a loan by then too. We'll see. I'm very satisfied with my savings plan and paying down our debts. It's nice to have some of that taken care of. I think it will help our credit scores tremendously and we should be able to get a loan based on that. One thing I have to start doing again is getting healthy. I was doing so well in December but can't seem to get in the groove of things again. I have a goal of losing about 20 more pounds by summer. I think it will help keep my blood sugar in check plus, I really like how J has been acting around me. He said my legs look like Ferrari's. I'd say that was a very nice compliment and should give me incentive to keep it up.
This week also has a sad memory for me. Two years ago on Jan 10^th, we had to put our sweet Yeager to sleep. I still miss him and wish he could've lived forever. I have two other cats but neither of them have the temperament that Yeager did. I was his peeps and he always tried to make me happy. It was like he was afraid of disappointing me or something. Even when he was terminally ill, he would purr and snuggle with us. And we both still miss him.