Personal goals...

So we've been settling into our new lives here in a new state.  It's different and we're going to do it all again in December but it'll be good.  We'll be in a house.  A big house.  I'll have an office with a door and it will be set up to be an office and not a junk room. It was hard in our old house because before Giuli, we had a guest room (Giuli's room) and the extra room. I had a daybed in there.  When we were having Giuli, I moved everything to the junk room/office.  So crowded. I eventually moved the daybed back to Giuli's room for her to use.  Still, the other room was full of junk and disorganized.  No big deal since we didn't use it.  Then Covid hit and I needed an office.  So I fixed it up as best as I could but it was still really a junk room.  Now we live in a 2-bedroom apartment and my office is in the middle of the room so you can imagine how excited I am to have an office again.  And Giuli will have a playroom again.  I bigger and nicer playroom.  I can't wait to decorate her new room with brand-new toys.  Just so happens that her birthday and Christmas will be around the time we move into the new place.   

So my next thing these days are my goals.  I've been feeling really crappy about myself.  I keep eating poorly and my blood sugar and weight are what make me notice it a lot.  So I'm working on losing weight by eating better and making an effort to go to the apartment complexes' gym.  This week has started off great so I plan to keep it up.  On 11/19 we have a Christmas Mini photo shoot and I want to look and feel great.  Someone at work mentioned having my makeup done by a professional makeup artist.  I'm looking into it.  Along with finding a place for a nice haircut too.  I'm super excited to do this and I don't do it ever so "why not?"  Can't wait to share the pics.

Progress...

Things are finally moving at full speed now.  I've been on Lupron since 4/13.  Donor is on day 11 of stims and I'll be getting an update tomorrow from my nurse.  Retrieval is either Thursday or Friday. So far they are counting 21 follicles about 12-16 mm.  I'm nervous, excited and scared.  I can't believe this is finally happening.  I keep praying that this is my time.  My stress level is through the roof.  J hasn't helped with that at all.  My blood sugar is getting lower though.  I've lost a few pounds due to stress.  I've woken up in the middle of the night dripping in sweat with a blood sugar of 60.  Luckily for me that I keep boxed juice by my bed. I'm so hoping for a five day transfer.  I've asked my nurse about that.  Hopefully when she gives me an update she can tell me if a five day is possible.  She may not know till after I'm there and I'll just have to wait.  I guess I could consider it a vacation and just sit by the pool and exercise to relieve as much stress as possible.  J won't be with me.  I"m doing this one alone.  Again, another stress factor.  I'm not good with travelling to places I don't know and getting around on my own.  I've been there before but not enough to be comfortable with my surroundings.  But I'll do what I have to do.  I've asked my cousin if she could meet me there.  She gets sick a lot and I'm worried about that too.  I told her not to worry if she can't come.  I just wanted company but not at the expense of her health so hopefully she's listening.  As of now, I'm planning on being their alone but if she can make it, all the better.  We'll see.  Right now, I"m focused on hearing some good news from my nurse tomorrow.

This week is flying by...

No pun intended.  I'm trying to really hard to keep my promise to myself and clean this house up.  Today, I worked on the bathroom.  I changed the storm door and I've managed to clean the drip pans on the stove and now they are sparkling again.  I was going to try to move the bow-flex downstairs myself but it's way too heavy for me to move.  I also cancelled my gym membership.  The plan is to trade the bow-flex (which I don't use) with a treadmill (which I will use). I probably won't get much for the bow-flex but if I can get someone to remove it from my house and put together a treadmill that J and I will both use, it will be worth the hassle.  Plus, it will make more room upstairs for us.  I just hate travelling to the gym in this nasty very cold weather here in Chicago and I haven't been going.  So instead of spending money on the gym I don't use anyway, I've opted to get the treadmill.  In fact, I only use the treadmill and elliptical at the gym anyway.   Also, I've been doing a lot of reading and 30 minutes everyday on the treadmill can help bring down my blood sugars.  I recently read that type 2 is not just for the obese and lazy.  A lot of women are now getting the disease and they are thin.  I'm not exactly thin but I'm not obese either.  I've lost about eight lbs since September but my blood sugar is still high.  Not as high as it was a few months ago but high nonetheless.  I just need to keep on tracking my food and start exercising again. My goal is try to lose another 15 lbs.  I'm not sure I can do it.  It will bring me to the weight I was when I met J eighteen years ago.  It's a goal.  

Start of 2013

This is the second week of 2013 and I'm not sure it's starting out well. J hurt is neck…I think. Anyway, he's in a lot of pain and can't get comfortable at night to even go to sleep. He's finally going to the doctor today so hopefully they can do something for him. I printed out all the information on ESL (Extended Sick Leave) so we know what to do. He's been freaking out over the loss of pay and the fact that he recently rented a shop. We have a lease for six months so that is what he is worried about among other things. I think everything will be fine. ESL will pay you 60% of your salary. I guess we'll see what the doctor says but I'm hoping it's just a few weeks of physical therapy and back to work. Pray, pray. I know he's been crazy worried because I'm trying to save money for our next treatment and he doesn't want to take any of that savings from me. He stresses too much. I stress too but more out of frustration than anything else. I've already resided to the fact that we'll have to wait till at least next January to do another treatment. I'm hoping both of us can get a $2500 FSA which will give us a tax free/interest free loan for 2014. That along with our savings and 401K loan will give us most of the money we need for a cycle. I just need to keep focusing on that to get me through this year. I'm also hoping to get a loan by then too. We'll see. I'm very satisfied with my savings plan and paying down our debts. It's nice to have some of that taken care of. I think it will help our credit scores tremendously and we should be able to get a loan based on that. One thing I have to start doing again is getting healthy. I was doing so well in December but can't seem to get in the groove of things again. I have a goal of losing about 20 more pounds by summer. I think it will help keep my blood sugar in check plus, I really like how J has been acting around me. He said my legs look like Ferrari's. I'd say that was a very nice compliment and should give me incentive to keep it up.
This week also has a sad memory for me. Two years ago on Jan 10^th, we had to put our sweet Yeager to sleep. I still miss him and wish he could've lived forever. I have two other cats but neither of them have the temperament that Yeager did. I was his peeps and he always tried to make me happy. It was like he was afraid of disappointing me or something. Even when he was terminally ill, he would purr and snuggle with us. And we both still miss him.

Conversations...

I got a surprise call from my best friend today.  She seems the same as usual.  I'm starting to see that she is very depressed and doesn't love herself at all.  She puts up with her BF's crap because she thinks that's all she has left.  I wish she would just start taking care of herself and she'll see things can be different.  Our conversation seemed very stained.  I offered her suggestions but she shot them all down.  It just doesn't sound like things are going well for her right now.  I know how she feels but I still try to have hope for the future.  She asked my about my fertility stuff but I don't really want to talk to her about it.  She had once implied that using a donor would mean the baby isn't really mine. Then she went ahead and started her own fertility quest.  I now know she was jealous.  Plus when she was evaluated they told her she should have a surrogate.  She didn't tell me why but I figured out it was because of her health.  They wouldn't intentionally get someone pregnant that wasn't healthy enough to carry a pregnancy.  Anyway, it was a difficult conversation. She seems so angry at everything.  Her boyfriend, school, her weight.  I remember what J said to me about her and that I should pray for her and that's what I'm going to do.