Treadmill on the way...

J and I decided sometime in Nov that it would be beneficial to get a treadmill.  I've struggled with going to the gym just for the treadmill and the weather here just sucks.  I never want to brave the elements to do a 30 minute run.  Well, starting on Tuesday, I won't have to worry about that anymore.  We went ahead and purchased a treadmill and it will be delivered and put together at our home on Tuesday.  It was expensive but I've cancelled my gym membership and J and I can both use it.  That makes me very excited that he'll be using it too.  Mostly me though.  I'm hoping this will help with all the blood sugar issues I've been having. Maybe with consistent exercise my A1C will improve before my Doctor appointment in March.  

On the IVF front, I still haven't applied for a medical loan yet.  I'm still waiting for a loan to show paid on my credit report.  I thought it would have shown up paid by now but it looks like next week sometime it will show up.  I'm on pins and needles right now.  I'm always going through financing figures over and over again.  I'm always trying to see how much I can save on my own.  I know we'll need to have some money saved.  I guess the problem is that I want to apply for the loan now but know that it's not in our best interest to do that quite yet.  But the urge is still there all the time.  I want to get this show on the road and I want it to be this year.  I'm so anxious lately.  I pray to G-d every day that he will show me the way.   

This week is flying by...

No pun intended.  I'm trying to really hard to keep my promise to myself and clean this house up.  Today, I worked on the bathroom.  I changed the storm door and I've managed to clean the drip pans on the stove and now they are sparkling again.  I was going to try to move the bow-flex downstairs myself but it's way too heavy for me to move.  I also cancelled my gym membership.  The plan is to trade the bow-flex (which I don't use) with a treadmill (which I will use). I probably won't get much for the bow-flex but if I can get someone to remove it from my house and put together a treadmill that J and I will both use, it will be worth the hassle.  Plus, it will make more room upstairs for us.  I just hate travelling to the gym in this nasty very cold weather here in Chicago and I haven't been going.  So instead of spending money on the gym I don't use anyway, I've opted to get the treadmill.  In fact, I only use the treadmill and elliptical at the gym anyway.   Also, I've been doing a lot of reading and 30 minutes everyday on the treadmill can help bring down my blood sugars.  I recently read that type 2 is not just for the obese and lazy.  A lot of women are now getting the disease and they are thin.  I'm not exactly thin but I'm not obese either.  I've lost about eight lbs since September but my blood sugar is still high.  Not as high as it was a few months ago but high nonetheless.  I just need to keep on tracking my food and start exercising again. My goal is try to lose another 15 lbs.  I'm not sure I can do it.  It will bring me to the weight I was when I met J eighteen years ago.  It's a goal.  

Going to the gym with fatigue...

I've been trying really hard to keep up with going to the gym.  I've managed to go 5 times last week and I'm going to try to do the same this week.  I find that going in the morning has been easy for me to do.  Scottie wakes me up every morning by 5AM anyway.  It's been impossible to stop him.  No matter what.  He makes noises, cries loudly, walks on the furniture and knocks stuff over all in an attempt to get me out of bed.  Well it worked and I decided to be productive so I go to the gym for a 30 minute run on the treadmill.  The only thing that's getting me down now is the contant fatigue.  Right now, I can roll over and go for a nap.  It's 11:20AM.  I had a nap on Sat and Sun but I'm determined to make progress today.  I am worried about why I'm feeling this way.  I've noticed a huge spike in my morning BS levels.  Today was 170.  I'm not sure if it's my BS causing the fatigue or my underactive thyroid.  I can try to control the BS.  I'm going to start measuring my food again.  I've gotten sloppy so maybe thats the answer.  I've got to know how many carbs I'm eating per meal.  It gets so old having to measure everything and watch everything I eat.  One of my coworkers is a type 1 diabetic and I'm always hearing people talk about her behind her back because she doesn't watch what she eats but I know from my own experience, it's easier said than done and no one should be judging until they walk a mile in her shoes.  Anyway, I need to start getting this right again. I hope I can. 

Testiness and anxiety...

Well for the last few weeks, J has been telling me that I am appearing agitated.  He said it's usually him and I usually keep him calm but I'm not doing that right now.  I guess I've been feeling agitated lately.  I think it may be related to my overactive thyroid.  Every once in a while I feel my heart beating really fast and this weekend I ate like it was my last meal on earth.  As a result of my crazy eating my blood sugars have been really high.  They've been high for the last few weeks but today was awful .  My app with the new doctor is next week so hopefully I can get answers and treatment that will fix this quickly.   I just don't want to go on meds for the diabetes but I'm afraid that's coming.  My A1C is still 5.4 so we'll see what she says.  I don't like feeling so fatigued but when your BS goes really high then drops it causes sleepiness.  I just need to continue my efforts with the gym.  I took a week off to recuperate from my nasty cold but now I have no excuses.  The cold is gone so now I have to start going again. 

Holidays and resolutions....

I guess this year I thought we'd have something to celebrate.  Sadly that's not the case.  I usually make a holiday card but I wasn't really in the mood.  J begged me to make one though.  He said his family looks forward to getting them every year so I made one this weekend.  Here is a picture of it.

It was a simple card and easy to do and I didn't need to buy any supplies to make them.  Not my best but not the worst either.  Every year, I say I'm going to make 5 unique cards a month and this way, by the time the holidays arrive, I'll have more than enough cards to send out with any stress.  The problem is that I've been preoccupied with other things and I think it's time to enjoy myself as much as possible next year.  I've been going to the gym and working on getting myself healthy again.  I've commited to going to the gym 4 days a week and so far, it's been going well.  My goal is to lose another 15 to 20 lbs by summer time.  I know I can do it even though I live with an enabler.  Another goal is to visit my friend in Florida early next year.  I don't have to much money to spend but I think I can swing a long weekend to visit an old friend.  Might even do me some good as well as her.  I need things to look forward to and this is one of those things.  We also plan to go visit J's family in January on his vacation.  I kind of insisted on it especially since it's been a while since we've seen everyone and I know we will have a wonderful time.  Actually, I'm pretty excited about the visit.  It's giving me something to smile about.

Vacation is over...

This week went by quick.  Usually does when you don't have to go to work.  I had hoped to accomplish deep cleaning the house this week but I didn't do it.  What I did do was wallow in some self pity, try to come up with a savings plan so we can have our baby next year and work on getting back to the gym.  I did great with the gym but it was counteracted by the junk food I wound up eating.  I'm trying to stop the self pity.  It won't get me my baby any faster and it feels self destructive.  Hoping to drop an additional 20 lbs by this time next year.  It can only help me in the long run.  Plus, it gives me something to concentrate on other than TTC.  I'm tired of the set backs and failures but I need to believe I will bring home our baby someday.