18 weeks...

Other than this awful cold, things have been uneventful.  Work is a bit stressful but that's all.  I'm trying to start planning and cleaning up.  I'm signing J and I up for some classes at the hospital. Childbirth classes, bringing home baby and the hospital tour.  They will all be in October.  Can't believe how quickly time is moving by.  I've started a list of baby items we'll be needing.  J is a bit shocked by the price tag but it is what it is.  I'm also needing to look into childcare.  I was thinking a company would be better but it might be too pricey.  Home day care seems more affordable.  Just worried about the safety of our baby.

Symptoms I felt this week:

• Breasts don't hurt as much but nipples seem very sensitive
• Tired but because of this cold
• Stomach is definitely getting bigger
• Sneezing and coughing still.  Lots of congestion

17 weeks...

So, we had our OB appointment last Wed when I was officially 17 weeks.  This app was only to listen to the heartbeat.  With it came lots of kicking from the little one.  I still don't feel the kicking yet but hoping soon.  On Friday I started having a sore throat and feeling bad.  By nightfall, it was a full blown cold,  I've been miserable all weekend and even now.  All I can take is Tylenol.  Whoop dee do.  I might as well take nothing.  Well, it's for the greater good, right?  I just keep trying to tell myself that over and over again.


Symptoms I felt this week:

• Breasts don't hurt as much since I bought bras that fit
• Tired but probably because of this nasty old cold
• Stomach looks a bit bigger.  
• Sneezing and coughing from this crazy cold

16 weeks...

This has been a wonderful week.  For starters, I'm feeling much better these days.  J and I also had a trip to visit J's family for an anniversary party.  It was really nice to see everyone.  It's been way too long between visits and hopefully we don't have to wait too long to do this again.

Symptoms I felt this week:

• Breasts still hurting.
• Still tired
• Odd feeling in my belly.  Sometimes one side is hard and the other mushy.  Usually happens when I wake up in the middle of the night.  

15 weeks...

We got the results of the blood work I had back at my 12/13 week ultrasound with the MFM.  The baby is healthy.  All markers are 1 in a 10,000 range which is a very low risk for down's or the trisomies.  What I am disappointed about was that they didn't run the test to find out the gender after they said they would.  If it was never mentioned I never would have been so upset.  And of course, now I have to wait till 20 weeks according to the nurse because insurance won't pay for another blood test.  Another crappy issue I have is that I had to call them to find out the results.  They didn't bother to send it to my OB nor did they call to let me know.  I finally messaged my OB office and they said to call the MFM directly.  I'm not happy with the communication in that office.  I will say that the next time the nurse says J can't come in the room with me, I'm going to say I want him with me.  She wanted me alone so she can take vitals and ask me about being safe at home.  Then after seeing her, I had to go back and wait in the waiting room for another 15 minutes or so.  Next came the ultrasound with someone else now.  Then walks in another nurse for the blood work.  Then the doctor who said he wanted me to do a 24 hour urine test to make sure my kidney's are functioning.  Of course no one spoke to me about it.  I also had the first nurse hand me a bunch of papers.  Blood sugar logs sheets but no one bothered to discuss it with me.   The whole appointment was so overwhelming.  Right now I'm just so disappointed and pissed off.  I am glad the baby is healthy though.  I know that's the most important part and I'm trying hard to focus on that. 

Symptoms I felt this week:

• Breasts still hurt but less than last week.  Still need to go bra shopping.
• Feeling sick but usually right before bed which is also extreme exhaustion
• Still tired
• Still feeling full in my belly
• Constipation (so joyful)
• Headaches on and off.

14 weeks...

It's technically the start of week 15 but wanted to update on week 14.  Last week I made my announcement at work.  I was so nervous but everyone has been so excited for me and they enjoyed the treats.  A few were slow to figure out what the celebration was all about but eventually figured it out.  Here is the awesome banner my friend made that I got to post on facebook for the world to see.

Symptoms I felt this week:

• Breasts still hurt but less and less.  Also they are much bigger and time to bra shop
• Still feeling sick but also less and less each day.  
• Still tired
• Feeling full in my belly.  Guess thats the baby taking up room in my tummy. 

13 weeks...

We had our MFM app this past week.  It was very overwhelming and I'm not really sure what they want me to do next.  They gave me forms for filling out my blood sugars but no one actually mentioned anything to me about faxing it over each week.  Not to mention I already do a log sheet for my Endo so I'd rather fax that over to them then fill out another form.  Doctor mentioned about measuring my urine in a 24 hour time span but no one actually spoke with me about it before I left and I forgot.  It was exciting to see the baby on ultrasound though.  Baby has really grown so much since our last one.  It really looks like a baby with attitude and all. J and I were so excited to see him/her.  Hoping we find out the sex soon.

Symptoms I feel this week:

• Breasts hurt but not as much as before
• Still feeling sick but not as much as before
• Still tired
• Stretching pain on my right side (baby is on the right side)

12 weeks...

I had my OB app last Thursday.  No ultrasound this time or blood work but we did get to hear the baby's heartbeat.  She found it pretty quickly and it was music to our ears.  Nice and fast too.   I have my MFM app on Tuesday morning.  They'll be doing an ultrasound and blood work for this one.  My OB mentioned that one of the tests will give us the gender.  We're super excited to find out what our baby is.  It will take 2 1/2 weeks though.  Hoping it goes by fast.

Symptoms I feel this week:

• Nauseous every night
• Sore breasts and larger
• Stomach is getting larger
• Tired
• Forgetful
• Constipated. (Loving that one)

11 weeks...

Another interesting week.  I was going to let my mom and J's mom know we are having a baby on 7/10 or 7/11.  Then I was going to tell my friends and co-workers.  But now I'm having second thoughts.  I'm just so scared to say something and then have something happen.  Maybe I'll feel better after the doctor appointment next week.  If not then, I have another appointment with an MFM on 7/12.  J is nervous too so that's not helping.  We've come so far and my body is showing the signs of pregnancy so why am I so worried?  Is this how I'll feel till the baby's born?  I really want to enjoy this but it's so hard.  And then I had some more spotting on Thursday night.  It was only that day and has stopped.  Well, I won't be able to keep it secret for much longer with my clothes being too tight.

Symptoms I'm feeling this week:

• Sore breasts
• Larger breasts.  Two people I'm close with have noticed at work.
• Bloated.  Can't close my jeans anymore so my stomach is definitely larger
• Still nauseous at night for the most part.  And ocasionally in the daytime.
• Still tired and ready for sleep right after dinner

10 weeks...

I've hit the 10 week mark.  In 2 weeks I have my next doctor appointment and ultrasound.  I'm a nervous wreck.  Not to mention feeling ill as well.  I'm struggling to do the basics around the house but hoping that will change in the coming weeks.  We have a house to get organized before January.

Things I'm feeling this week:

• Bloated
• Exhausted
• Sore breasts
• Jeans hurt when they are closed (I need to now keep the top button opened and held together with a rubber band)
• Nausea (Happens mostly at night but starting to happen in the morning too)  

9 weeks...

So I'm moving along and praying.  The more I feel like crap the better I am, right?  I'm super tired and feel like my head is in a fog.  I have weird pains in my abdomen but it's not cramps.  I'm still super bloated and every evening I feel terribly sick.  I haven't been in the mood to clean or do laundry (Must do some tonight. Out of whites),  Heartburn galore.  Nausea galore.  But I'll take it all.  :)

8 weeks...

We had our first OB appointment last Wednesday.  It was so overwhelming.  I met my new doctor and nurse.  She went through a whole lot of info that we're still trying to process.  I'm still waiting for the MFM doctors office to call me.  We got to see and hear our little bumble bee.  Heart rate was 157 and measured exactly 8 weeks.

Symptoms of pregnancy this week:  

• Very bloated.  Sometimes need to drive home with my jeans opened. 
• Breasts heavy and hurt
• Nausea on and off.  Seems mostly on these days depending on how and what I'm eating
• Dizzy on and off
• Fatigue on and off.  (Especially sleepy around 2PM every day)
• Blood sugar going wacko.  Highs and lows.

Follow up ultrasound results....

I was able to get in to the monitoring clinic at noon last Tuesday.  I was having so much anxiety and fear going in.  I was so afraid of seeing my baby had died after having such a wonderful ultrasound prior to the long weekend.  But my little sticky bun was still going strong.  In just 4 days, baby was bigger and heart rate was faster.  Both J and I were so relieved.  And as of now, I have no more bleeding or spotting.  The tech did say she could see the area of blood in question.  She also mentioned that a lot of women that go through IVF, bleeding seems to happen.  I'm feeling better but I can't help but think that every ultrasound will be a milestone to the next step and I'll always feel a little fear.  Maybe it's PTSD.  So much has gone wrong that it's so hard to imagine that it can all go alright.  I have my first OB appointment coming up on Wednesday.  Right now I'm feeling okay but I'm expecting to get anxious as the appointment gets closer.  Deep breath in and out.  

Ultrasounds and nightmares....

I had my 6 week 2 day ultrasound.  I was so terrified but she found the sac and baby right away.  Then we got to see the flicker of the heart.  It was so surreal and magical.  I had tears of joy coming down my face.  Baby measured 6 weeks so right on target.

We were so ecstatic.  We crossed the first hurdle and we saw our baby with a good strong heartbeat.  I wound up taking a 2 1/2 hour nap.  We had dinner and when I went to the bathroom I noticed a little blood on the toilet paper.  I was worried.  Then in the middle of the night, more blood.  Almost morning and the toilet was full of blood.  Now I'm scared.  I called my RE at 4:45 AM.  The on call Dr said to drink water and lay down and relax.  She'll follow up with the on call nurse in the morning.  I had an eye Dr app and so we went to that.  While I was there I passed a huge clot.  Now I'm thinking the worst.  The nurse called me back and she said lots of women call with bleeding and it's usually all okay.  She told me what an emergency would be and to go to an ER in that scenario but she mentioned subchorionic hematoma that was basically a bleed not relevant to the pregnancy.  She went through all the possibilities with me.  I don't have any real cramping.  And after that huge clot the bleeding seemed to have slowed down.  Now I just have spotting when I wipe.  Maybe it will be okay after all. I'm hoping to see my OB this week if possible.  Praying for good news.

Third HCG level back...

My nurse called me on Friday with more good news.  HCG level is in the 11 thousand range.  She said the exact number but I didn't catch it all because I was too surprised by the 11 thousand.  I'm getting a bit excited but still scared.  I'm hoping once I'm past the next hurdle it will get easier to believe it's real.  I'm hoping to schedule my U/S for next Friday.  If not it will have to be the following Tuesday.  

I wonder if I'll ever feel secure with this pregnancy.  Will I always be scared it will end before my beautiful baby is ready for the world?  

My First Mother's Day Gift...

On May 1st, we traveled to SC for another transfer.  This is the 5th transfer since May 20, 2015.  We had the transfer on May 2nd between 11:30 and Noon.  The single embryo got stuck in the catheter so we had to do it all over again.  My RE said it was rare but it does happen which is why they always check the catheter.  I considered it good luck and hoped it wanted to stick to my lining.  We relaxed for the rest of the day.  Enjoyed a dinner at Longhorns and called it a night.  We got to sleep in because our flight was in the afternoon at Myrtle Beach.  I rested for the remainder of the week and on Mothers Day I decided to do an HPT.  The and best Mothers Day gift I ever got happened.  It was positive.  I took two.  One FRER and one CBE.   Both came back positive.  My HCG level on 5/11 was 231 and on 5/13 it was 548.  I have another one on 5/20.  My RE did all he could do and G-d did the rest.  I'm still very scared.  I'm trying to take it one day at a time.

Following instructions...

Each cycle, I put my life in the hands of the RE and the clinic.  I follow exactly what they tell me to do.  I go through the motions day after day, reviewing the calendar several times a day to make sure I got it right.  Estrogen dosage to ultrasound appointments to blood work.  Making sure my travel arrangements are set and are for the correct days.  I find myself going over it, over and over again.  I'm always afraid of screwing it up.  It's really the only way I know how to survive a cycle.  This time was a little different to start.  I did those awful biopsies.  But it will be worth it if it brings me home my baby. We have 2 embryos left before we need to start over again.  I'm so glad we got the money back guarantee.  I don't know what we would do if we hadn't.  I'm still hoping we don't have to do another fresh cycle.  Praying everyday that our emby survives the thaw.  I try to imagine being pregnant and the joy I'll feel.  I pray that I feel that way.  I'm afraid that all the years I've spent trying and failing will have a toll on me and feeling joy will be hard to find. Will I feel terror and fear instead?  I hope not.  All I've ever wanted is to experience what all other women get to experience.  The joy of pregnancy and motherhood.  Another Mothers Day is coming up.  My transfer will be less than a week before Mothers Day.  The best gift I could get would be a positive pregnancy test and of course a healthy baby at the end of that.  Please G-d hear my prayers.  

Having hope...

One of the ladies on Facebook that transferred a 3AA embryo last week is waiting to find out if it stuck.  She is feeling like it worked.  I really hope so.  I'm down to my last 2 embryos and both are not of the best quality anymore.  I'm down to the 3AA and I think a 3AB.  I'm hoping that if hers works then I have a chance too.  I've also been doing reading on endometrial scratch and studies have shown they have improved pregnancy rates.  I'm praying that I'll be one of those successful ones.  I know that's all I can do.  Take one day at a time.  Pray and have hope.