4 Years Old already.....

Time has really flown by.  Just yesterday I was arguing with J about driving to the hospital to deliver this precious gift from God.  And now, she's a  beautiful,  strong willed, loving but devious little lady.  Each day is a gift with her.  All I can do now is pray that I raise her right.  Teach her to be thoughtful and caring.  Teach her to look out for others when they need it.  To share with others.  She is a bit hyperactive and sensitive to foods that may cause hyperactivity and aggression.  We've noticed it a lot when she eats foods with dyes.  Trying to eliminate that.  This week has been hard.  But I love spending time with her.  Wish I was a bit younger and had more energy.  Need to up the exercise so I can keep up with her more.  But I don't let it stop me from being with her.  No one knows better than I how much she's wanted and loved.  I prayed for her for years.  Had lost so much.  I remember I was scared that when I did get pregnant, I wouldn't know what to do.  I was so wrong.  I will always remember the struggle but it was all worth it in the end.

It's always ok in the end.  If it's not ok, then it's not the end.  

I guess I'm saying that it's ok now.  Our journey to three is now complete.  I wish I could have another but it's not in the cards for us.  

That's the good part of this post.  Here's the other half.  2020 has been the hardest year of my life.  We're surviving.  I'm not sure how sometimes but we are.  I have learned to adapt.  I will say, I'm grateful, G went back to school in June.  I wasn't doing very well at that point.  Working with a 3 year old who was crying and wanting someone to play with her was hard to deal with.  Unfortunately, the tablet became her friend more than I would have liked.  G was showing signs of depression and it made me sad.  I know people say kids are resilient but I don't want the world to shut down and see her spiral down like that.  Also, J has been home since May but hasn't been very helpful when it comes to cooking, cleaning or caring for G.  Maybe it's a bit of depression.  But it's been hard.  I've found ways to come up with meals to cook easily.  Crock pot meals are the easiest and I go for easy.  At this point, I'll be working from home till at least the summer.  I'm hoping it's for good.  Hoping we can finish cleaning up the house, sell and move south for good.  I truly hate living here and feel like it will be restrictive like for good.  Politicians got a taste of power and now they just abuse it.  J was in 7-11 and his mask was below his nose.  The management didn't say anything but some crazy woman started yelling at him and chasing him down.  Started taking pictures of him and his car while he was driving.  What the heck was that.  If the store didn't care, why was she getting so close and invading his space.  What right did she have to do that.  I'm sure she called the police but really, what are they going to do.  7-11 wasn't her store and J has rights.  

Here's to a happy new year 2021.....BYE BYE 2020.  YOU SUCKED!

Giuliana Quotes 2019/2020 - Things I want to remember...

 I want to remember them so here they are.

Giuliana Quotes 2019/2020

The Year of 2020

2020 started off great.  Then it all got weird.  I packed up my office at work on March 20th thinking I'd be home for a few weeks.  Then a week later my daughter was home as well.  Work became a blur, while I worked from the kitchen table and tried to manage my 3 year old that didn't understand why she was not going back to school to see her beloved teacher and friends.  My potty trained little girl suddenly started having accidents.  Stopped taking naps, took walks with me only for her to say, "Mommy, I just want to go home"  She only had us and no one to play with.  I was working all day as best I could while trying to watch her and keep her entertained.  She got a climber with a slide, a new playhouse, bike, skates.  Anything we could do to keep her busy since the parks were closed and no kids were around to play with.  When daycare started up again, Giuli was excited to go back.  Although it wasn't allowed the kids hugged in delight.  Seems crazy to tell kids one minute to be affectionate and the next, not to go near each other.  Finally the parks re-opened and Giuli was back at playing with kids she'd meet in the park.  One man brought his daughter to the park and then tells me "Social distance please"  since my 3 year old wanted to play with his daughter.  My feeling is that if you are that worried, don't go to the park where there are little children. I'm not going to restrain my daughter and keep her away from other kids.  Restrain yourself and stay home.    Now we are coming to the end of the year, and I'm still WFH.  Giuli is still in daycare, and J is still home driving me nuts.  I think he'll be home till the end of the year.  

Some pics of my grown up little one.

Ready for school

Matching nightie's

Waiting for the Dr.

Chillin till we leave for school!

I'm just soooo cool!

I just love summer!

2020....

Happy New Year!  I'm starting the year off with a threenager.  I didn't know what that was till now.  Someone is mostly potty trained now.  Will poop in the potty at daycare but not at home.  At home she begs for her diaper to poop into.  She's starting to sleep in her underwear with no accident as of yet, but still won't poop in the potty.  Anyway, tantrums are worse than ever but attempting to just ignore her and let her scream.  But boy can she carry on forever.  She is so STRONG WILLED.  Just want to get back to our normal routine.  Back with the people she loves and misses.  I'll even be glad to go back to work.

Christmas, Hanukkah and the Birthday Girl...

Hard to believe she's three years old now.  I remember thinking I'd never be a mom.  Those days are over but I still remember them.  It's made me appreciate being G's mom more than ever.  God blessed me to have her.  Made my pregnancy go by healthy and uneventful for the most part.  Grateful she was born perfect.  She's difficult.  Strong willed.  Rambunctious. High energy that we need to channel.  I may be an old mom but I'm still a new mom trying to figure it all out.  I have some facebook groups I belong to and it helps to hear I'm not alone.  Everyone always eludes that their children are perfect.  My child's crazy behavior isn't an anomaly that no one else has experienced.  I will say that having a child like G is a reason many don't have another.  Of course, that's a joke.  But hopefully as she grows and matures she'll get better at listening and understanding.  That putting on her coat when it's 5 degrees is important.  Not kicking off her sneakers in the car when she doesn't get her way.  No matter what though, I'll love her to the moon and back.  She has made our life is complete.

Surprises...

I am so amazed at how much my little one knows.  Today is my birthday and J handed G a card.  She took off with it and J ran after her.  She came into my room and said, "Happy Birthday Mommy!"  and handed me the card.  She such a joy in my life.  I love this little girl to the moon and back.

Willfull little girls...

Well, that's what I got.  The most strong willed little girl ever.  Small but mighty.  Going through the terrible two's and trying not be spoil her.  She stomps her little foot when she doesn't get her way.  Two timeouts just today.  Throwing food, feet on the table, I want this I want that.  For the most part she's my little angel but today, it was NO, NO, NO coming out of her mouth.  Let's change your diaper....NO.  Take that hairclip out of your mouth....NO.  Pick up your toys....NO (but what kid wants to clean up anyway).   Dry hair, pajamas, brush teeth...NO, NO, NO....  The funny part is that she was in back up care a few days ago, she was on her best behavior.  Sat with all the other kids and ate her snack and drank her water out of her cup.  She spilled some water and got up, grabbed a paper towel, wiped up the spill and threw it away in the garbage can.  I was so proud of her and sad too.  So grown up.  Here's a pic of my little grown up girl.  Love her so much!

Two years ago on Mother's day...

My life changed.  J's life changed.  That's the day I had a positive pregnancy test.  Just that previous Sunday we went to South Carolina for our transfer.  The next day our miracle was brought to us.  Our lives have never been the same since.  At the time we did the transfer, I could never imagine how it would feel to be pregnant let alone a Mom.  I remember how much I tried to be hopeful and prayed.  At the time, I wasn't sure how I would make the transition to trying to have a baby to actually being pregnant and then having her.  She truly is a miracle that saved me and J.  He's different.  I'm different, And we have this awesome little person growing up by leaps and bounds.  She is smart and funny and the happiest little girl ever. 

Mothers day was always so hard and got harder every year.  I think about that time and know that there are women who are forever sad on that day too.  I hated going out that day.  Everyone wants to say Happy Mother's Day.  But all I wanted to do was hide at home.  It's changed for me but I know that pain.

Happy Mother's Day to all you Mom's and the ones still fighting to become one.

Changes and growing up...

As much as I hate my little girl growing up, it's going to happen.  She's been having aggressive moments at daycare and I'm not sure why.  I love my little girl.  I don't want her to be that bully we hear about in school.  Yesterday my daycare person said she was sitting on one of the older kids.  She's only a year behind and smaller than all the other kids.  The kids were screaming that G is sitting on M to the teacher.  I was so shocked.  What causes kids to act like this.  When I picked her up she slapped my face.  I told her no, we don't do that.  Then she rubbed my face.  I wonder if it's a growing spurt and she gets angry because she's hungry.  Daycare does time outs and so do we.  She's only 2 so we'll have to see how things happen but I'm keeping an eye on this aggressive behavior.  I don't like it and feel awful for the child she sat on.  

Trip planning with a 2 year old in tow...

So we have 2 trips coming up.  One in June and one in July.  J's family is June and we'll be driving the new car for this adventure.  We did this last September and made an overnight stop going and coming back.  Made the trip a bit easier with a little one.  I also took a trip from hell to NY to visit my family.  Had lots of storms and long story short, took me 36 hours to get from Chicago to NY.  Not fun at all.  G had a blast even though I was an exhausted wreck.  Hoping these 2 trips go smoothly.  I'm excited about both of them.  Travelling with G is an adventure in itself.  She's so different every day.  I'm in planning mode for the trip.  Especially the one to NY.  I need a lightweight car seat.  Hoping to be able to attach it to the stroller and travel that way.  If not, I found a luggage carrier to turn a car seat into a stroller securely and easily....I hope.  Also need entertainment for G and snacks, milk, etc to carry along.  So much to think about and I love planning it all.

An update on G being TWO...

I wish I can blog more than I have been doing.  J is home for half the month and the other half, I'm on my own.  We've had a hard winter.  J's been sick a lot and it's been really cold and snowy.  I feel like we are on the flip side of the weather. G is now over 2 and going through the typical two's with full blown temper tantrums.  I'm trying to figure out how to handle all of them.  She wants what she wants and when she can't get it, look out here she comes.  She's fiercely independent.  "I do it mommy, I do it."  She wants so badly to do it herself that she's say "I need help, I need help, then No...I do it"  She can put on her own socks, pants, shoes.  She can eat with utensils for the most part. She loves bouncy house and always wants to play.  She loves her baby dolls too.  Puts them in the cradle, covers them with blankies and points to them saying "NAP".  She loves her routines and we love them too.  Every night, before bed, we read books.  She's so smart and learning her ABC's.  She can recognize some of the letters.  E, D, R I know she knows them.  She's starting to know her colors and can also count.  She's say's "Thank you and You're welcome"  She's growing up so fast and I just don't want to miss any of it. 

21 Months Old....

G is now 21 months old.  So much has changed.  She gave up the bottle when she was ready and is now into sippy cups.  She loves water.  We took her to a splash park and it was "wawa wawa wawa".  It was awesome.  J and I spent many weekend mornings taking her to the splash park.  It so wears her out and so fun to watch her having so much fun.  She's talking up a storm and starting to put sentences together.  She amazes me with how smart she is.  She is trying to learn her A, B, C's at her daycare.  She can watch the A, B, C song all day long.  She also says random works.  Her newest is SPIDER.  She saw one on the baseboard and now she won't stop saying it.  After dinner, she get's ready for her shower.  Yes, I said shower.  She loves her shower.  Get's so excited when I'm splashing her with the water.  We have our routine and heaven help me if I try to change anything unless she wants to.  She was watching lullabies before bed but she's now starting to want me to read to her.  I love this little girl so much.  Her little personality is coming through.  She's outgoing, friendly, fearless and so very loving.  I'm trying to find a gymnastics class for her age.  Of course it's full so next session we'll be first on line to sign up.

Ready for school

G reading a book

Easter Sunday and April Fools Day...

Well, for us, it's just another Sunday with some closed stores.  A bit inconvenient since we needed to go to the pet food store and it was one of the stores closed today.  Luckily, I still have some hard food for the cats and hopefully J will be coming home tomorrow.  G has been having good days and bad days.  She's now walking up a storm.  Exerting her independence.  She's always pulling away and wanting to walk alone.  She can stack her stacking toys.  She can put covers on her bottles and toddler fruits and veggie containers.  She loves chicken Florentine with pasta.  She loves all pastas.  She's loves her day care and all the kids there.  We're struggling to get her to drink out of a sippy cup.  But I've changed her bottle nipples so it's really flowing fast.  I keep trying different sippy's but at some point during the day (on weekends) she'll have a meltdown if she can't have her bottle.  Unfortunately, I give in.  I hate seeing her so hysterical.  Maybe she's not ready.  I'll keep on trying at meals and for bed time milk, I'll still let her have a bottle. 

Tonight is his check ride and he's stressed out.  He's actually taking it now.  I'm praying it all goes well.  J was home for 3 days in March.  G is missing her Daddy.  I'm missing him too.  Praying all goes well tonight for him and he comes home on schedule.

The beginning of 2018....

Well, it's been well over a year since my little one came into our lives.  I can't believe how different things are.  I'm so in love with my little girl.  She's will say a random word and take us all by surprise but then refuses to say the word again.  She's on the brink of walking any day now.  She loves her mum mum's, bananas and oatmeal.  And pasta.  She really loves her pasta.  Definitely and Italian little girl.  And such a Daddy's girl.  She has J wrapped around her little finger.  She's an awesome sleeper for the most part.  Bed is at 8 but lately, it's been sooner.  I put her in her crib and she lays down on her pillow and let's me tuck her in under the covers.  I say, I love you and goodnight.  See you in the morning.  She's left with her lullaby playing for 15 minutes and off to dreamland for the night. I get her up at 6 to start her day unless she decides to get up earlier.  Don't be fooled.  Getting her to go to sleep at a specific time took lots of training and effort.  Months and months of being consistent.  And it's not perfect because sometimes she can still have a bad night.  J takes her to day care when he's home otherwise it's all on me.  We had 3 weeks without J and I think it wen't well.   I just made sure to stay consistent with everything I did.  We did okay.  It was hard and we missed J.  She missed J.  It was so adorable seeing the look on her face when Daddy came to pick her up.  Pure love. 

Bittersweet as this year is coming to a close...

2016 was a crazy year for me with lots of new.  I'm still experiencing the new.  I don't know when it will become old.  Maybe never.  Last year I was enjoying my pregnancy and around this time I was getting her nursery set up.  I was nesting and it's hard to nest when you need help to complete your tasks.  A year ago I couldn't imagine where I am today.  A mom.   I'M A MOM!  I love her so much and can't imagine my life without her in it.  She's everything to me and more.  She's my hopes, my dreams.  Last year I was growing my belly and now my days are so crazy busy.  I start a 4:30 am and pump milk for my girl.  Then I take my shower and get ready.  About 5:45 AM, I eat breakfast.  6 AM I get the little one up.  Feed her and dress her.  6:30 AM I pump again.  7 AM finish getting little one ready and myself.  Pack milk, cereal, fruit.  I get whatever I can figure out, snacks, water.  Pack pump and supplies.  J takes little one to day care and I go to work.  Where I pump 3 more times during the day.  The day flies by and before I know it, it's time to go home.  Pack up my milk from the work day and drive home where I pump again at 6 PM.  Prepare little one's dinner, my dinner, and we play for a bit before I change her for bed (bath a few times a week).  Milk at 8 PM and out by 8:30 PM.  In the meantime, I again pump.  If it's after 9 PM, I'm done.  If it's 8 PM, I might pump again.  But it exhausts me.  The pumping and breastmilk is less than a month from being over.  I'll have time on my hands for sure which will be spent with my little one.  I'm trying to figure out what to do for her 1st birthday.  We'll visit family but it'll probably be next year. Right now, I'm trying to figure out a holiday card (Feeling guilty because I didn't send out all my Thank You's like I should have) so I can thank everyone for the gifts they sent us.  In the next week, I should have everything set for that.

Time is flying by...9 months old

I can't believe this year is going by so quickly.  A year ago, I was in shock that my dream of being a Mom was finally coming true.  And now, I'm in the throws of it all.  We have our difficult moments.  The moments that I can't make her happy or stop her from crying but I can comfort her and love her no matter what.  I treasure it all.  I love changing her, feeding her, putting her to bed.  I love baths and when she blows raspberries in my face.  Her determination at getting Curtis and never succeeding...yet.  Things she loves:  Her Daddy for sure. Daddy singing songs to her.  Her oatmeal with fruit and some veggies.  She also loves her stuffed animals.  Hoping she loves me too.  Things she hates:  Having her nose wiped.  Having her mouth wiped.  Sitting by herself.

Update after 6 months of a new life...

I now know why people stop blogging.  The days go by so quickly when you are caring for a new human being.  It's hard.  So very hard and J and I aren't so young that we bounce back easily.  The first month was just getting used to a new way of living and healing.  After that she got Colic and when that ended, it was time for me to return to work.  First week in day care she caught her first cold, then her second put her in the hospital for 3 days.  Now she is 6 months old and I can't believe it.  She is the light of my life.

The final week: 36 weeks, 3 days and our birth story...

This week was a very special week.  On Christmas morning, I got up at 1:30 AM to use the bathroom.  For a while now, I feel the urge to pee but not a lot comes out.  Baby takes up most of the room in there.  Anyway, this time I went and it kept on going.  I told J that something was wrong.  He said just lay down and see what happens.  I did and kept on leaking.  I knew we had to go to the hospital so I started to pack my bag but J stopped me.  He was convinced that the hospital would say we were over-reacting and send us home.  Well, turns out my water broke and baby was still breech so they called my doctor and she arrived by 3:30 AM.  I was wheeled into the OR and they did my epidural there.  I felt nothing from the neck down.  It was hard to talk or breath.  I was laid down, sheet was put up, anesthesiologist was talking me through everything.  J was brought in and they had him sit down and hold my hand next to me.  He took out his cell phone for pictures.  The next thing I know, I'm looking at my baby through the screen.  12/25/16,@3:59 AM she arrived,  She is 5lbs 15oz,, 18.25" long and perfect in every way.  We named her Giuliana Rose.  Being held up and spread all out she started to cry.  J took her picture, then he went over to cut the cord.  He took more pics.  They laid her on my neck to do some skin to skin to skin for a few minutes.  It was hard because I couldn't really hold her. After that, things are a bit blurry.  I went to a recovery room but I really can't remember it.  Only what J tells me.  I do remember being moved to the post-partum room.  The three of us stayed together in that room.  I remember thinking on the operating table that this is really happening. That today, we are becoming parents.  It all felt like an out of body experience.  Before going into the OR when they told us we were delivering in the next hour, J thought of the fact that we didn't have a middle name.  She was 3 weeks and 3 days early.  She had some blood sugar issues and body temp issues but so did I.  I just can't believe how much love I feel for her.  I can see J does too.  He loves holding her and cuddling with her.  He's even good with changing diapers.  We came home on 12/27 which apparently is record breaking time.  Everyone I speak to has said they have been in the hospital for 3-4 days.  I just wanted to go home and sleep in my own bed.  J is here and looks after me when necessary.  She's now 7 days old and we're trying to get into a routine as hard as it is but I'm so loving every moment of it and loving every minute of our little angel.