No outlets

So apparently, I'm the one that has to take all the crap in this house.  Everyone is falling apart and I have to deal with it.  J just gets angry and makes it worse.  I'm tired.  All I see is him checking vitals over and over.  As if his life depends on it.  Our daughter is going to grow up seeing this and be affected by this.  I'm scared she'll be thinking it's normal to do this all the time.  I understand having tools available is nice but if he doesn't get a number he likes, he goes back on the treadmill.  He comes off shakey and has lost a lot of weight.  This is not normal behavior.  And I'm supposed to just take it.  I go upstairs to get some peace and he starts banging and yelling because the number on the machine isn't what he wants.  He does it again and again and again and same result.  I walk out frustrated and with anxiety because I have to get it from him and her and I'm just on edge all the time.  I can't get it out of my system.  Only him and her get to express themselves and I'm just supposed to sit there and take it.  This isn't the way I want to live the rest of my life.  If this is how it's going to be, I hope for it to be over soon. Maybe I should just stop going to my doctors, let my diabetes go out of control, get sick so I can maybe get a break.  I don't like thinking like that.  I'm trying hard to lose weight and lower my cholesterol so I don't need to take more meds.  But the garbage in this house is exhausting.  

Personal goals...

So we've been settling into our new lives here in a new state.  It's different and we're going to do it all again in December but it'll be good.  We'll be in a house.  A big house.  I'll have an office with a door and it will be set up to be an office and not a junk room. It was hard in our old house because before Giuli, we had a guest room (Giuli's room) and the extra room. I had a daybed in there.  When we were having Giuli, I moved everything to the junk room/office.  So crowded. I eventually moved the daybed back to Giuli's room for her to use.  Still, the other room was full of junk and disorganized.  No big deal since we didn't use it.  Then Covid hit and I needed an office.  So I fixed it up as best as I could but it was still really a junk room.  Now we live in a 2-bedroom apartment and my office is in the middle of the room so you can imagine how excited I am to have an office again.  And Giuli will have a playroom again.  I bigger and nicer playroom.  I can't wait to decorate her new room with brand-new toys.  Just so happens that her birthday and Christmas will be around the time we move into the new place.   

So my next thing these days are my goals.  I've been feeling really crappy about myself.  I keep eating poorly and my blood sugar and weight are what make me notice it a lot.  So I'm working on losing weight by eating better and making an effort to go to the apartment complexes' gym.  This week has started off great so I plan to keep it up.  On 11/19 we have a Christmas Mini photo shoot and I want to look and feel great.  Someone at work mentioned having my makeup done by a professional makeup artist.  I'm looking into it.  Along with finding a place for a nice haircut too.  I'm super excited to do this and I don't do it ever so "why not?"  Can't wait to share the pics.