Wishing it was over...

It's now a full week.  I'm still bleeding on and off.  Sharp cramps on and off.  I just want it to be over already.  I sent an email to my nurse asking when it will finally end.  She said it could be 7-10 days long.  Talk about prolonging the pain of all of this.  She did send me an order to see if my HCG level is down to zero.  Really hoping it is so we can finally move on.  I just want to be able to try again as soon as possible.  Also very stressed about money lately.  J is on disability and money is really tight.  Sometimes I feel like the walls are closing in on me.  If I try to get J to help with the budget, he suddenly doesn't feel well.  That upsets me too.  I need help with trying to figure it all out.  Why can't he understand that.  We have bills to pay and it can't all be on me to handle.  Sometimes I feel like he gets it and sometimes he freaks out.  We just have so much to figure out these days.

Depression...

I started to miscarry on Wednesday night.  I found some painkillers so I took that which helped.  Now I have cramps on and off since then.  I'm glad it started and my body is starting to feel somewhat normal again. Well, sort of.  Maybe not.  Things are so depressing right now.  Sometimes I feel so sad all I want to do is curl up in bed and stay there.   I'm worried about everything.  Worried about money, paying bills, J's dismal disability check, being able to get to NY for my Dad's unveiling, paying for our next trip to SC.  I want to try again but it's hard when all I think about is doom and gloom these days.  I'm hoping it's just my crazy hormones.  I just want to feel normal again.  I don't want to just go home and sleep all day and night.  And I can do that apparently.  I did it last weekend. Maybe this weekend will be better.