The waiting game...

New donor has be selected.  Now it's back to the waiting game.  We need a second recipient.  I'm praying it doesn't take too long.  It took a few weeks after I made the selection on 12/31.  Let's hope it will be the same situation.  I've been hoping that I'm pregnant before my next birthday.  If I were to look on the bright side, I have more time to get my A1C under control.  I never realized how hard it would be to control my blood sugar.  I feel lucky that I have an endo that works with me on all of this.  But this is a lifetime of food tracking and measuring my carbs per meal for the rest of my life.  I've also committed to doing 10 miles on the treadmill per week.  I think it will really help my blood sugar control as well.  The better control I have now, the safer it will be when I'm pregnant and that's the prize I'm counting on.  

Becoming a reality....

A few days ago my nurse emailed me and said my donor was selected by a secondary recipient.  I immediately became super excited.  This means after my hysteroscopy next week, we can start moving forward.  I guess I'll get all the details when I go down next week.  I was so afraid it would take months to do this.  I guess it still can.  Donor needs to go through testing and pass with then we all have to be synced up.  I'm hoping by March/April will be doing the transfer.  I'm just guessing but a girl can dream, right?

On another note, my Endo started me on meal time insulin.  It seems my after meal blood sugars are over 200 most of the time.  It makes me a little sad.  I'm realizing that there is no turning back the clock and just being normal ever again. I'll be forever tied to testing and measuring my food and taking insulin for the rest of my life.  And honestly, it's just so exhausting all the time.  Trying to figure out my carbs for each meal so I can give myself the right dose of insulin.  But it's a life change I have to do.  Especially if I'm going to have a baby this year. 

Feeling sick...

I started taking birth control pills last Sunday.  I've been feeling like absolute crap since then.  I'm hoping it's the birth control that's causing it.  I feel ill all the time.  Nausea, stomach pain, breast pain, back pain.  I've been taking left over pain medication for the last two days in the evening so I can get some sleep.  At least it works.   My back doesn't hurt so much right now.  Anyway, I have a message in to my nurse asking her if the pills could be making me so sick.  Maybe they can prescribe a different kind.  Otherwise I'll just have to suck it up till my body is used to it.  Hoping I won't need to be used to it for long.  Praying that another recipient picks my donor soon.  It's all I can think about right now.  I was IM'ing with my cousin and she said she thinks this will be our year.  Her son and daughter-in-law have had trouble conceiving as well.  She thinks it will be their year too.  All the cards are lining up so I'm praying that this will be our time.  I must have faith.  I'm hoping that J makes changes too.  We've talked about it a lot.  He wants things to be different.  He's a kind and gentle man.  I love him for that.  But he has demons he needs to let go of.  I pray every day that he can find the strength to do that.  

Getting all my ducks in a row....

I've taken the next step.  I've reapplied for the fertility loan a few days ago.  I was able to just email the same person who I worked with back in April.  I feel like a person when I speak to her.  She understands.  She's been through the same process and knows how stressful it can be.  We got our loan just at a higher interest rate because our credit scores have dropped.  I don't even care.  All I cared about was getting the loan and now that is set.  It's been on my mind for the last month now.  I've been holding off because I wanted to see some things improve but now that I'm past most of the testing I needed done, I thought it would be good to get started.  Next step is to see what's in store for J's schedule for January and get that hysteroscopy done.  We've narrowed down our decision on a donor as well.  Once we get started, things will move quickly.  Hopefully, nothing will get in our way and we'll have our take home baby some time next year.  I'm not sure how long it will take to get another recipient for our donor but hopefully it will happen in February.  I'm getting anxious now.