ABA therapy and strange viruses...

 So we've begun intense ABA therapy daily and even all day on Saturday's.  G goes back and forth with bad behavior depending on who is here.  She doesn't like it when she feels like someone is ruining her fun but she's really showing poor judgement.  It's not ok to just walk out the door without asking us first.  It's not ok to climb over the couch instead of walking around it.  It's not ok to just go through the pantry or fridge and just take whatever you feel like.  They are trying to correct her and she doesn't like it. Last night was Friday and we stayed in instead of going out.  She was hungry and not acting ok in the car.  J was going to see if she was doing well, we can go out but as soon as she started throwing things, he said no way now.  Anyway, she was very hungry and tired.  She wound up falling asleep next to the cat in my office.  The ABA therapist sat with her.  Next thing she hears is the snoring.  Overall, she did ok with sleeping even though she had napped for at least an hour.  

J on the other hand has himself stressed to the max.  Someone says a possible diagnosis and now he's in a tailspin of depression, yelling at me, etc.  I can't say a word without getting snapped at.  It's a lot to deal with these days.  I'm sort of done with it all.  I'm ready for him to die and me figure out how to dig ourselves out of the financial mess we're in without him around.  I mean he's convinced his life is over then maybe I need to accept that and just prepare for it.  I try supporting him but unless I totally agree with him dying, I get yelled at.  I'm so sick of it all.  I live on eggshells in my own house when I'm around him.  He stays upstairs all morning/afternoon and I don't see him unless he comes downstairs for lunch when I'm eating.  He doesn't help me around the house, no cleaning up anything.  It's all on me to do.  I work all day and in-between, I try and clean something up.  It's the best I can do right now.  I take care of the bills, cook dinner, clean up after dinner, take care of getting G dressed for the day, undressed for the night, brushing her teeth, washing her face, brushing her hair, washing her up, taking her to fun places to have fun, etc.  

JUST EXHAUSTED AND READY TO CALL IT QUITS ON LIFE.  

Did I say that loud enough?

Feeling sick...

I started taking birth control pills last Sunday.  I've been feeling like absolute crap since then.  I'm hoping it's the birth control that's causing it.  I feel ill all the time.  Nausea, stomach pain, breast pain, back pain.  I've been taking left over pain medication for the last two days in the evening so I can get some sleep.  At least it works.   My back doesn't hurt so much right now.  Anyway, I have a message in to my nurse asking her if the pills could be making me so sick.  Maybe they can prescribe a different kind.  Otherwise I'll just have to suck it up till my body is used to it.  Hoping I won't need to be used to it for long.  Praying that another recipient picks my donor soon.  It's all I can think about right now.  I was IM'ing with my cousin and she said she thinks this will be our year.  Her son and daughter-in-law have had trouble conceiving as well.  She thinks it will be their year too.  All the cards are lining up so I'm praying that this will be our time.  I must have faith.  I'm hoping that J makes changes too.  We've talked about it a lot.  He wants things to be different.  He's a kind and gentle man.  I love him for that.  But he has demons he needs to let go of.  I pray every day that he can find the strength to do that.