Trying to go with the flow...

I've been trying but my stress level is so high right now.  The nurse at the facility was supposed to email me my monitoring order last Monday or so.  On Wednesday I sent her an email asking her where it was.  No response.  I sent another on Thursday and she finally sent it to my be 4 PM.  I couldn't make the appointment without the order so I was bit annoyed.  She's not as responsive as the other nurse coordinator I worked with.  My appointment is on Tuesday @ 6:30 AM.  I want to get it over with and not worry before I have to go to work which has been crazy and will stay that way for some time.  I've been on Lupron since Monday.  It makes me feel rather loopy. Friday was my last BCP so after Tuesday, things will really get moving.  I've also been trying to do my best at keeping my blood sugar under better control.  I decided that free Friday lunch is now off limits and I'm trying to keep the carbs as low as possible.  I don't like seeing my blood sugar go over 200 and I've had that a number of times.  Getting it back down is a challenge.  I try exercising to get it down and sometimes it works.  Sometimes it goes down then goes back up after an hour.  Very weird.  I've been eating eggs, salads, tuna, chicken and fruit within reason.  For dinners, I've had mostly pasta with vegetables.  I serving of pasta only and loaded with vegetables.  Bread seems to spike me so I'm avoiding it as much as possible.  Usually dinner is when I take the most insulin.  I've had a few night sweats and last night at 3 AM I woke up and was at 81.  I keep a granola bar by my bedside.  I was starving and it hit the spot.  Oddly enough I've noticed that I stay at the same number for a while then when I drop, it goes down quickly.  I don't know if that's normal or not. Something to ask my Endo when I see her in June.

My next task is writing a thank you card to my donor.  I'm not sure what kind of gift to give.  I'm thinking of a gift card to a spa so she can pamper herself after going through all those fertility drugs and retrieval.  It's all anonymous so I'll be sending it to my nurse to give to her during the retrieval. 

Feeling sick...

I started taking birth control pills last Sunday.  I've been feeling like absolute crap since then.  I'm hoping it's the birth control that's causing it.  I feel ill all the time.  Nausea, stomach pain, breast pain, back pain.  I've been taking left over pain medication for the last two days in the evening so I can get some sleep.  At least it works.   My back doesn't hurt so much right now.  Anyway, I have a message in to my nurse asking her if the pills could be making me so sick.  Maybe they can prescribe a different kind.  Otherwise I'll just have to suck it up till my body is used to it.  Hoping I won't need to be used to it for long.  Praying that another recipient picks my donor soon.  It's all I can think about right now.  I was IM'ing with my cousin and she said she thinks this will be our year.  Her son and daughter-in-law have had trouble conceiving as well.  She thinks it will be their year too.  All the cards are lining up so I'm praying that this will be our time.  I must have faith.  I'm hoping that J makes changes too.  We've talked about it a lot.  He wants things to be different.  He's a kind and gentle man.  I love him for that.  But he has demons he needs to let go of.  I pray every day that he can find the strength to do that.  

Sickness....

Well, I was having a so so week but it ended on a bad note.  I've been getting stabbing pains in my ear on and off and by the end of the week, I was feeling pretty crappy.  Luckily, I was able to get to the doctors and got antibiotics for an ear infection that was starting.  I still feel crappy but hopefully I will start feeling better soon.  While I was waiting for my turn at the pharmacy, I overheard a mother and daughter complaining because the daughters birth control wasn't free this time.  Nice.  Medications that make people better have to be paid for but women can get free birth control. (Obviously not all brands of birth control are free, but you can get it for free if you know which ones are covered)  Nothing pisses me off more than that. Why do people expect everything should be free?  Better yet, why was it put out there by the President that birth control will be free.  Why isn't it all free?  Oh yeah, if it was all free, then we would have even higher taxes to pay for that.  Better yet, why don't I get free infertility treatments?  Seems reasonable to me that if they can give women free birth control to stop pregnancies then they should give free infertility treatments for getting pregnant.  The fact is nothing is free unless you won't work and get food stamps to live off of.  I've worked since I was 13 and haven't stopped yet.  Still working, still contributing to society and still trying to figure out how to save for expensive medical treatments so I can have my family.  I guess I need to learn how to work the system so I can get stuff FREE, FREE, FREE.  Can you tell I'm feeling bitter today?