9 weeks...

So I'm moving along and praying.  The more I feel like crap the better I am, right?  I'm super tired and feel like my head is in a fog.  I have weird pains in my abdomen but it's not cramps.  I'm still super bloated and every evening I feel terribly sick.  I haven't been in the mood to clean or do laundry (Must do some tonight. Out of whites),  Heartburn galore.  Nausea galore.  But I'll take it all.  :)

8 weeks...

We had our first OB appointment last Wednesday.  It was so overwhelming.  I met my new doctor and nurse.  She went through a whole lot of info that we're still trying to process.  I'm still waiting for the MFM doctors office to call me.  We got to see and hear our little bumble bee.  Heart rate was 157 and measured exactly 8 weeks.

Symptoms of pregnancy this week:  

• Very bloated.  Sometimes need to drive home with my jeans opened. 
• Breasts heavy and hurt
• Nausea on and off.  Seems mostly on these days depending on how and what I'm eating
• Dizzy on and off
• Fatigue on and off.  (Especially sleepy around 2PM every day)
• Blood sugar going wacko.  Highs and lows.

Follow up ultrasound results....

I was able to get in to the monitoring clinic at noon last Tuesday.  I was having so much anxiety and fear going in.  I was so afraid of seeing my baby had died after having such a wonderful ultrasound prior to the long weekend.  But my little sticky bun was still going strong.  In just 4 days, baby was bigger and heart rate was faster.  Both J and I were so relieved.  And as of now, I have no more bleeding or spotting.  The tech did say she could see the area of blood in question.  She also mentioned that a lot of women that go through IVF, bleeding seems to happen.  I'm feeling better but I can't help but think that every ultrasound will be a milestone to the next step and I'll always feel a little fear.  Maybe it's PTSD.  So much has gone wrong that it's so hard to imagine that it can all go alright.  I have my first OB appointment coming up on Wednesday.  Right now I'm feeling okay but I'm expecting to get anxious as the appointment gets closer.  Deep breath in and out.  

Ultrasounds and nightmares....

I had my 6 week 2 day ultrasound.  I was so terrified but she found the sac and baby right away.  Then we got to see the flicker of the heart.  It was so surreal and magical.  I had tears of joy coming down my face.  Baby measured 6 weeks so right on target.

We were so ecstatic.  We crossed the first hurdle and we saw our baby with a good strong heartbeat.  I wound up taking a 2 1/2 hour nap.  We had dinner and when I went to the bathroom I noticed a little blood on the toilet paper.  I was worried.  Then in the middle of the night, more blood.  Almost morning and the toilet was full of blood.  Now I'm scared.  I called my RE at 4:45 AM.  The on call Dr said to drink water and lay down and relax.  She'll follow up with the on call nurse in the morning.  I had an eye Dr app and so we went to that.  While I was there I passed a huge clot.  Now I'm thinking the worst.  The nurse called me back and she said lots of women call with bleeding and it's usually all okay.  She told me what an emergency would be and to go to an ER in that scenario but she mentioned subchorionic hematoma that was basically a bleed not relevant to the pregnancy.  She went through all the possibilities with me.  I don't have any real cramping.  And after that huge clot the bleeding seemed to have slowed down.  Now I just have spotting when I wipe.  Maybe it will be okay after all. I'm hoping to see my OB this week if possible.  Praying for good news.

Third HCG level back...

My nurse called me on Friday with more good news.  HCG level is in the 11 thousand range.  She said the exact number but I didn't catch it all because I was too surprised by the 11 thousand.  I'm getting a bit excited but still scared.  I'm hoping once I'm past the next hurdle it will get easier to believe it's real.  I'm hoping to schedule my U/S for next Friday.  If not it will have to be the following Tuesday.  

I wonder if I'll ever feel secure with this pregnancy.  Will I always be scared it will end before my beautiful baby is ready for the world?  

My First Mother's Day Gift...

On May 1st, we traveled to SC for another transfer.  This is the 5th transfer since May 20, 2015.  We had the transfer on May 2nd between 11:30 and Noon.  The single embryo got stuck in the catheter so we had to do it all over again.  My RE said it was rare but it does happen which is why they always check the catheter.  I considered it good luck and hoped it wanted to stick to my lining.  We relaxed for the rest of the day.  Enjoyed a dinner at Longhorns and called it a night.  We got to sleep in because our flight was in the afternoon at Myrtle Beach.  I rested for the remainder of the week and on Mothers Day I decided to do an HPT.  The and best Mothers Day gift I ever got happened.  It was positive.  I took two.  One FRER and one CBE.   Both came back positive.  My HCG level on 5/11 was 231 and on 5/13 it was 548.  I have another one on 5/20.  My RE did all he could do and G-d did the rest.  I'm still very scared.  I'm trying to take it one day at a time.