Trying to go with the flow...

I've been trying but my stress level is so high right now.  The nurse at the facility was supposed to email me my monitoring order last Monday or so.  On Wednesday I sent her an email asking her where it was.  No response.  I sent another on Thursday and she finally sent it to my be 4 PM.  I couldn't make the appointment without the order so I was bit annoyed.  She's not as responsive as the other nurse coordinator I worked with.  My appointment is on Tuesday @ 6:30 AM.  I want to get it over with and not worry before I have to go to work which has been crazy and will stay that way for some time.  I've been on Lupron since Monday.  It makes me feel rather loopy. Friday was my last BCP so after Tuesday, things will really get moving.  I've also been trying to do my best at keeping my blood sugar under better control.  I decided that free Friday lunch is now off limits and I'm trying to keep the carbs as low as possible.  I don't like seeing my blood sugar go over 200 and I've had that a number of times.  Getting it back down is a challenge.  I try exercising to get it down and sometimes it works.  Sometimes it goes down then goes back up after an hour.  Very weird.  I've been eating eggs, salads, tuna, chicken and fruit within reason.  For dinners, I've had mostly pasta with vegetables.  I serving of pasta only and loaded with vegetables.  Bread seems to spike me so I'm avoiding it as much as possible.  Usually dinner is when I take the most insulin.  I've had a few night sweats and last night at 3 AM I woke up and was at 81.  I keep a granola bar by my bedside.  I was starving and it hit the spot.  Oddly enough I've noticed that I stay at the same number for a while then when I drop, it goes down quickly.  I don't know if that's normal or not. Something to ask my Endo when I see her in June.

My next task is writing a thank you card to my donor.  I'm not sure what kind of gift to give.  I'm thinking of a gift card to a spa so she can pamper herself after going through all those fertility drugs and retrieval.  It's all anonymous so I'll be sending it to my nurse to give to her during the retrieval. 

Update...

It's been a while since I last posted.  But finally have good news to share.  Donor selected.  Secondary selected.  Consents signed.  Medication has arrived.  I start meds on 4/13.  Praying everything works out this time.  I've been down this road before and have always felt excitement and hope.  I'm praying that this time is the time it will work.  I'm praying that all the stars are aligned and God is ready to let J and I become parents.  We've been trying for so long now that somehow if feels like an unattainable dream but at the same time attainable.  I see so many success stories why can't I believe I'll be one of them.  I know I need to have positive thoughts.  It's important to be positive.  Sometimes I feel like I've been chasing the dream for so many years now that I don't know any different.  What if I wind up pregnant?  Then what?  Will all the years of hell just go away?  I'd like to believe it would but I don't think it will be that easy.  

The waiting game...

New donor has be selected.  Now it's back to the waiting game.  We need a second recipient.  I'm praying it doesn't take too long.  It took a few weeks after I made the selection on 12/31.  Let's hope it will be the same situation.  I've been hoping that I'm pregnant before my next birthday.  If I were to look on the bright side, I have more time to get my A1C under control.  I never realized how hard it would be to control my blood sugar.  I feel lucky that I have an endo that works with me on all of this.  But this is a lifetime of food tracking and measuring my carbs per meal for the rest of my life.  I've also committed to doing 10 miles on the treadmill per week.  I think it will really help my blood sugar control as well.  The better control I have now, the safer it will be when I'm pregnant and that's the prize I'm counting on.  

A snag in the plans...

I guess this is what I get for opening my mouth.  Should have kept quiet till everything was in place. The donor has decided not to move forward.  She doesn't think this is the right path for her.  I suppose it's better to know now than after medication has been purchased.  Anyway, I'm back to searching profiles again.  

Waiting for the schedule...

Testing...check
Loan...check
Schedule from nurse...coming up soon, maybe this week.

Everything is in the works.  Just waiting on my schedule from the nurse.  It's been a few days but I know she has to coordinate with two other people besides me.  I can't believe we are finally here.  I am so full of hope and pray that this time it works.  I want this to work on the first try but it's nice to know we have three full tries and money back if it doesn't work.  But, I really think it will this time. My cousin said this is my year and I want to believe that too.  It's important to be positive and I do feel positive this time.

Job fair....

J made it to the job fair today and he has an interview set up in March with the airline of his choice. I'm happy but worried at the same time.  Praying the transfer doesn't happen at that time.  I think it's unlikely but I still have the worry in the back of my mind.  The other thing that annoyed me was that it was the only airline he went to.  I was hoping he'd go to some of the others and get some interview experience.  Sometimes I don't understand him at all.  I'm just hoping all this works out.  He's trying to get home tonight and ran into roadblocks with that too.  He's about to land at Midway but needs to get over to O'hare for the car.  I'm worried about how much this will cost us.  Maybe I could convince him to take a shuttle bus that leaves at 9:15 from Midway.  I saw it online but have no idea how this works.  It's not that pricey either.  Well, we'll see.  He's still in the air right now.