Homeowner or just a renter...

Well something strange has happened in the last few days. J and I have gone through lots of financial hardship starting back in 2006.  By 2008 we had no choice but to file bankruptcy.  It was clear that we wouldn't be able to pay our credit cards no matter how hard we tried to come up with a way.  Thank you aviation and the wonderful starting pays.  We found a lawyer, got money from my parents and proceeded to file the necessary paperwork.  We signed re-affirmations for our car and the house mortgages. I'll admit that so much was going on that we couldn't keep track of everything.  I had hoped the lawyer would be on top of all that but I guess not.  We received the re-affirmation document for our car but we hadn't thought about the mortgages.  Apparently they got lost at the mortgage companies and were never returned to our lawyers office before our debt was dismissed.  We continued to pay but we had more problems and needed to do a loan modification to help us out for the 1st year.  We found out that since both mortgages were dismissed, which only means we get no credit on our credit history for having a mortgage, but doesn't change the fact that they still have a lien on the house.  We were successful in getting the 1st mortgage modified.  We stopped paying the second mortgage since they couldn't foreclose anyway and we were in the hole 100K anyway.  We figured we would pay our 1st mortgage till we were ready to move on and just give the keys back to the bank.  Well a few days ago we got a UPS package from our 2nd mortgage and the letter said they were releasing the lien on our house due to some state and federal government settlement.  They have been trying to reach us for a few months now and we just avoided the calls.  I kept thinking that J would call and say "early April Fools" or it was in the UPS package and he missed it.  But he didn't and it looks real.  Now I feel like this is our house again.  We haven't done much with it but this changes everything. We're not just renters were homeowners again.  At least that's how it feels.  It all seems so unreal right now. 

An enjoyable day off...

I decided yesterday that I would take off from work today.  Good decision on my part.  I woke up at 3AM and couldn't fall back asleep.  Sleeping late made me feel better even though Scottie was relentless in trying to get me up for breakfast.  J finally went down and gave them food.  It did the trick.  We were all back sleeping before I knew it.  It felt so good to get that extra sleep.  The weather here has been awful this week.  Warm weather and thunderstorms earlier in the week, then frigid temperatures and wind the rest of the week.  I almost couldn't get into my car yesterday because it was frozen shut.  In fact J got into the car but the lock froze in the open position and he couldn't make his appointment.  Oh well.  That's Chicago for you. 

Positive attitudes...

I've started to notice a trend.  I write when I'm down and depressed.  I'm not down and depressed ALL the time.  Sometimes I am but not all the time.  Today was a good day.  The weather here in the midwest has been unusual.  Last night we had a freezing rain and thunderstorms.  J even salted the walkway but it didn't really matter.  By the morning it was in the 40's so no more ice.  Tomorrow we are going into the high 50's to 60's.  Crazy right?  Then we are back to reality.  Temps go down, down and down.  Single digits by end of day Thursday into Friday.  The joys of living in the northern midwest.  Anyway, I think the nice temps put me in a good mood today.  Let's hope my mood stays good unlike tempermental mother nature.

Picking myself up....

This week has been a bit better than last week.  J is still home but he is working on a project while he heals his neck.  We're both hoping that he'll be able to go back to work very soon.  We really need the money and right now, I have to pay the rent on his storage till March which means I don't get to save anything and things will be fairly tight the next few months.  But as soon as he can, I'm getting that money back from him.  I'm hoping sometime in May.  If I read it correctly, his company is supposed to exit bankruptcy in May and their should be a payout to the pilots.  Unless they meant May 2014 but it didn't have a year listed only the month so I'm hopeful.  Anyway, I'm working on getting back into a routine of working out.  So far, I've been able to kick the junk food habit at work.  I was getting back into bad habits from the holidays.  I have gained a few pounds but hopefully, that will come off now that I'm being more careful.  I'm trying to keep busy and be more social.  I think it will help me mentally if I have things to do and keep me from focusing on baby baby baby all the time. 

This weekend will be a challenge for me.  J has someone coming over next week and I need to straighten up the house.  This may sound like a small project but it's not.  The baby thing has consummed my life and everything has taken a back seat including keeping the house tidy.  So basically, it's a disaster.  I have mail, papers, junk everywhere and the easiest thing to do is hide it in drawers when people come over but I really need to tackle that. Having a somewhat tidy house is important to me and I'm ashamed that I let it go for so long.  Hopefully, when I write next week, I'll have made progress on that.

Tired….

Today has been a hard day for me. I'm feeling really sensitive and sad today. I just feel like crying. Maybe it's because I'm tired. Or maybe it's because I'm faking it lately. I'm trying to be happy but I'm not. I'm 45 and my life is still on hold. J is not well and that doesn't help anything. I'm trying not to be upset about the money. I know he didn't plan on this but it does set us back. I know I can pay the bills for the shop but I'd hate for 6 months to go by and he gets nothing done. I feel like it's the story of my life. Nothing seems to make sense anymore. I'm just so tired right now. I haven't slept well for days because of J and I'm just so damn tired.

Start of 2013

This is the second week of 2013 and I'm not sure it's starting out well. J hurt is neck…I think. Anyway, he's in a lot of pain and can't get comfortable at night to even go to sleep. He's finally going to the doctor today so hopefully they can do something for him. I printed out all the information on ESL (Extended Sick Leave) so we know what to do. He's been freaking out over the loss of pay and the fact that he recently rented a shop. We have a lease for six months so that is what he is worried about among other things. I think everything will be fine. ESL will pay you 60% of your salary. I guess we'll see what the doctor says but I'm hoping it's just a few weeks of physical therapy and back to work. Pray, pray. I know he's been crazy worried because I'm trying to save money for our next treatment and he doesn't want to take any of that savings from me. He stresses too much. I stress too but more out of frustration than anything else. I've already resided to the fact that we'll have to wait till at least next January to do another treatment. I'm hoping both of us can get a $2500 FSA which will give us a tax free/interest free loan for 2014. That along with our savings and 401K loan will give us most of the money we need for a cycle. I just need to keep focusing on that to get me through this year. I'm also hoping to get a loan by then too. We'll see. I'm very satisfied with my savings plan and paying down our debts. It's nice to have some of that taken care of. I think it will help our credit scores tremendously and we should be able to get a loan based on that. One thing I have to start doing again is getting healthy. I was doing so well in December but can't seem to get in the groove of things again. I have a goal of losing about 20 more pounds by summer. I think it will help keep my blood sugar in check plus, I really like how J has been acting around me. He said my legs look like Ferrari's. I'd say that was a very nice compliment and should give me incentive to keep it up.
This week also has a sad memory for me. Two years ago on Jan 10^th, we had to put our sweet Yeager to sleep. I still miss him and wish he could've lived forever. I have two other cats but neither of them have the temperament that Yeager did. I was his peeps and he always tried to make me happy. It was like he was afraid of disappointing me or something. Even when he was terminally ill, he would purr and snuggle with us. And we both still miss him.