It's now a full week. I'm still bleeding on and off. Sharp cramps on and off. I just want it to be over already. I sent an email to my nurse asking when it will finally end. She said it could be 7-10 days long. Talk about prolonging the pain of all of this. She did send me an order to see if my HCG level is down to zero. Really hoping it is so we can finally move on. I just want to be able to try again as soon as possible. Also very stressed about money lately. J is on disability and money is really tight. Sometimes I feel like the walls are closing in on me. If I try to get J to help with the budget, he suddenly doesn't feel well. That upsets me too. I need help with trying to figure it all out. Why can't he understand that. We have bills to pay and it can't all be on me to handle. Sometimes I feel like he gets it and sometimes he freaks out. We just have so much to figure out these days.
Wednesday, July 1, 2015
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
I wonder if it's all the hormones just going back to it's normal self. Every day I feel something different. Lately, it's been sadness and despair. Not all day long. But a lot of the time. I feel tired, drained, sad and alone. J seems oblivious sometimes. He works on his models all day and night and doesn't seem to notice that I need him to be with me. Why is it like that? Even when I ask him to stay with me he doesn't really do it. Why doesn't he get it? Seems that he only notices when I don't get up and just stay curled up in bed for long periods of time. Otherwise he's just in his own world. I feel like I have to do everything. Pay the bills, take care of the cats, clean up the house. He just builds his models and that's all. His job is done. I'm the sucker that has to work all day and come home and work all night. Maybe that's also why I'm feeling sad. I want a partner and I'm not getting one. And right now, I need him to be there for me and he's not.