I'm sure it's all perfectly normal. Surgery is scheduled but I'm scared. I don't know why this time I'm scared and other times I wasn't. Who knows. I think I was scared before but maybe not so far in advance of the day. I want this to be the last surgery necessary and to go on to do my next transfer. I want to be pregnant. Most of all I want to be a mom. I want to be the mom I was meant to be. It seems every year I long for this. I want to be out and about on mothers day. Proud that I'm going to be a mom. I don't want it to be the hardest day of my life anymore. Lately, I feel like I have the cards stacked against me. Every step forward comes with two steps backwards. When do I get to be ahead of the deck? Problems with my uterus. Problems with my thyroid. Last year, problems with my mammogram and my uterus. I'm so tired of it all. I keep trying to think of what I could have done to deserve this. Maybe I should have prayed more. Maybe I need to be more religious. Maybe G-d will forgive me for whatever it is I've done. Some days I feel so lost.
Wife of a pilot and part time husband, and our journey to grow our family...and now an entrepreneur.
Monday, October 12, 2015
Sunday, October 11, 2015
Plans are set...
I have my hysteroscopy scheduled. I decided that it would be better to have my RE do it. I just don't trust my GYN anymore. I feel like she was covering her ass when she said it was a polyp. I have a feeling it could be both. This whole week has been spent bleeding. Now my thyroid is out of whack as well. It's going overactive and I feel miserable lately. Why can't anything go right lately. Hoping that once I have the hysteroscopy I can move forward even if my thyroid is out of whack. I guess I'll have to wait and see. I'm just so sick of waiting.
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