Putting on the happy face....

Every day I go to work and put on that smile. I show excitement for the pregnant women I encounter every day. I truly am happy for them. Even if they complain about how ill they are. I'd gladly go through all of that with excitement. I've worked at the same place for over 7 years and I've seen families go from 0-4 babies within that time. They'll never know the heartache I go through every day. I try not to talk about it anymore. I feel like it consumes me and it does. I read a quote from Brooke Shields on an infertility website. "The difficulty of IVF or of any fertility issues is the hope and the shattered hope, the dream that it might happen this time and then it doesn't happen". That statement is so true. Each IVF gave me that hope and then it was shattered. I hope and pray that our next attempt will be the successful one. I hope and pray that we can get the funds together and the loans necessary to try again. In less than 2 months, I'll find out about the grant. In September I'm taking a week off. My plan is to get this house in order. J will probably be home but he promised not to get in my way. Maybe if I can get this house in order it will help with everything else. Maybe it will help with my spirits. I really need that right now.