Alone time...

Since J and I have been together we've had the pleasure of  "alone time".  All that means is that I've enjoyed when J goes away on a trip and I get the house to myself for a few days or more and he enjoys it too.  J has been home since the beginning of March so I've been desperate for my "alone time".  I will say this has been a wonderful few days.  This weekend has been pretty wonderful.  I've accomplished so much this past weekend.  With J away, I've been able to do some errands and cleaning which has been neglected.  I've been able to watch and do whatever I want.  I've been able to start getting organized.  The longer he's home the worse I got with organization.  I really think that we are successful because he's not here all the time.  Plus, I will say that things have gotten better between us too.  He's gotten control of himself and has made a complete turn-around.  He's happy and so am I.  He's keeping his promises to me which means a lot right now.  And it makes me excited that we are now starting to move forward with our dream of growing our family.  2014 is so far turning out to be a great year.  Let's hope my doctor appointment reflects that.

Fear....

The pre-approval is now an approval.  I've made a call to my clinic to find out next steps.  I also sent an email to the loan officer with some questions and voicing my concern over the payment amount.  She wound up calling me to discuss my email.  It was nice to be able to speak to someone.   A person that has been through all the same things I'm going through now.  It's nice not to be just a number.  She said the loan is good to go for 90 days before having to pull a new credit report.  I was glad to hear that.  We still need to make an appointment for a physical.  And apparently I need to apply for the guarantee program and I have no idea how to do that either.  Hopefully, I'll hear back from the clinic on Monday.  I want to move forward but I'm so scared at the same time.  This is the moment I've been waiting for and now I'm scared.  I'm not sure what I'm scared of.  The loan amount? Or is it that I've been chasing my dream of motherhood for so long that I don't know how to actually take that leap?  I guess I also wasn't expecting an approval so quickly. I've gotten used to being turned down or not given the entire amount.  We still have a few months to save some money.  J has promised that I can take 200 from him on his second paycheck.  So even with the loan, I know we can still save money which is important to me.  I also need to take care of another issue.  I had an emergency room visit last weekend.  My stomach has been hurting and they did an ultrasound.  Nothing was found as the cause of my pain but the ER Dr said I had a mass on my liver.  I heard her say 3 cm but J said it had to be mm. If it was cm that would be very large so I'm sure he's right but I think I need confirmation from my primary care Dr.  J wants confirmation too on mass and stomach pain. So I guess I'll find out on next week.  Till then.