And he wants to be a dad...

These last few weeks have been difficult.  My computer had a malfunction that I wasn't able to fix and I was upset thinking that I would need to spend money on a new one. I got lucky though. A friend gave me their old computer so I'm back.  I didn't realize how dependent I was on my computer until it was missing from my life. It's taken a week to get back in the groove and set up everything the way I want it but I"m finally there.  Anyway, J has been upsetting me lately.  I feel like he's been so self destructive lately.  I had finally had it and pushed him. So we had a long talk on Wednesday and I found out that he really wants to be a dad.  That it bothers him to hear others talk about children.  That he doesn't just want to play with our cats but play with our children.  He cried and I cried.  He has never really told me that and I really needed to hear it.  I've felt like I've been trying to get everything together all by myself.  I've been doing all the research.  I've been trying to set up a savings account.  I needed to know he wants the same thing that I want.  And now I do.  

Feeling a bit sad today...

J left for a trip today and won't be back till Wed.  I don't know why but I'm feeling a bit down right now.  I'm having a thyroid uptake scan this week and that is also making me anxious.  The thyroid symptoms have also been making me feel off lately.  I'm always hungry, overheated and fatigued. I'm also having some insomnia.  J has been needing our savings fund for his project and that's part of why I'm feeling down.  He promised to pay it all back to me but I'm worried he won't be able to.  He signed a lease for this place for 6 months, then he freaked out and didn't do anything.  Now I'm freaking out.  It's almost April and I have nothing saved.  NOTHING.  I wanted at least 10K by next January and we have NOTHING.  I feel like my life is nothing but hardship lately.  J needs a loan so he can get those cars sold.  So that is what we are doing next.  We'll see how that goes next week.  I'm not crazy about the loan company but we are still credit challenged folks.  I just need to have faith that things will work out for us and that J will put the money back into our savings.