End of 2011....

I just can't deny that I'm happy this year is finally over.  And of course, it ends with me having shingles.  2012 has to be a good year because this year just plain sucked.  Yeager died, I didn't get preggo from my 3 IVF's, I found out I was diabetic and now, I have shingles to end the year.  And I have to say, shingles is really painful and ugly.  Luckily, I think I got the anti-viral meds in time.  It started on my hairline, hidden by my hair but it started to travel down my forehead.  Just a little and now it stopped travelling but I still feel the pain.  It's like being stabbed with push pins in my head.  Plus, the left side of my head and face feel tingly all the time.  Luckily, I have pain meds from my eye injury.  With all that has been bad I have had some positive things happen.  Finding out about the diabetes has helped me get healthy.  I've lost weight, go to the gym on a regular basis and feel good.  My A1C has gone done a point which my doctor was really happy with.  Well, except for the shingles I feel good.  And I'm excited to start the new year.  My appointment is less than a month away so exciting things are going to happen.  I WILL get pregnant.  I WILL have a baby.  IT IS GOING TO HAPPEN.  Here's to a happy new year.

Accomplishments...

Needless to say this has been a tough year.  The one thing I wanted more than ever was to get pregnant and finally have our family.  Although that didn't work out, yet, I'm hopeful for the future.  Not to say that this year has been a bust for accomplishments because it hasn't.  I'm happy to say that my blood test had good results and I can't wait to discuss with my doctor tomorrow.  I've managed to lose weight, lower my cholesterol, triglycerides and A1C.  I'm within normal range for most of my tests other than blood sugar and one of the cholesterols.  These past years, I've watched my weight go up and up and the IVF over the last year added another 10lbs.  I've tried over and over to lose weight in the past but by far this is the most successful I've been and I don't intend to stop till I've reached my goal or if I'm pregnant of course.  I think I only need to lose another 10 lbs.  15 more would be awesome but I'll be happy with 10.  Sometimes small goals are better than the big ones.  It just feels good to know that I was able to accomplish this in the last few months of the year.  Maybe it's the start of new outlook for me.  I need to feel good about myself and eating right and exercise has helped tremedously.  Here's to 2012 and good things to come.

Blood sugar ups and downs...

This diabetes thing is kicking my butt today.  I must say, that since I've modified my eating and count my carbs and exercise I have felt much better.  I don't get the constant headaches and fatigue daily anymore.  That being said, sometimes I still feel out of wack.  I was good till after lunch.  Then the headache set in.  I was feeling pretty miserable so when I got home I checked my blood sugar.  Surprise, surprise, it was 85.  That's like normal but for someone who's blood sugar has been in the 100-140 range for a while now, 85 can make a person feel rather ill.  No worries though, I ate some food and in 2 hours it was 119.  Just finished my snack but I still feel like crap.  I wanted to work out tonight and now I feel guilty that I didn't.  I hope I can make it up Thursday or Friday. 

Anyway, the rest of my week at work will be easy but at home, I'm in the midst of making my holiday cards and it's important that I finish and get them in the mail by the end of this weekend.  I'm pleased with how they are coming out too.  Last years card was a disaster.  Yeager was dying and I was overwhelmed with starting my first IVF. 

Getting ready for my 1st DE/IVF....

I've waited so long to start this process.  I can't believe it's finally here.  We have our initial consult out in NC at the end of January.  I'm so excited.  My understanding is that it could take 2-3 months after the initial consult.  We are doing a split donor cycle so we need to find a donor and wait for another couple that is interested in that same donor.  Hopefully, it will go by quickly.  Back to injections, meds, etc.  I don't know what kind of drugs they use.  I'm just excited to get the process started already.  J mentioned driving up to Richmond to visit his parents the day before our appointment.  We haven't told anyone in our families what we are doing so I don't know what J will say to them.  Anyway, it's nice to be able to focus on that appointment and know I'm moving in a direction.  Luckily, I'm super busy at work so the time should go by quickly.  I have our flight booked too.  J wanted to jumpseat down but I was in fear of him not getting there.  So I bought a one way for him and round trip for me.  He can jumpseat back.  I wouldn't have even batted an eye when he mentioned jumpseating exept that we once flew from DC-NC and he left me on the plane to go to NC by myself. He finally had to rent a car and drive to Raleigh.  He couldn't get on any of the jumpseats because of the weight, if I am remembering correctly.  Anyway, the whole thing was very upsetting and this is way more important this time. 

Lazy, rainy days....

I guess rainy is better than snowy but either way, I'm not feeling motivated to do much. So far, we've gone grocery shopping and now I'm touching up my hair.  I think that today is pretty much a wash for the big cleanup.  Wish the weather was nicer.  Well at least my hair will look nice.

J's vacation schedule comes out on 12/1.  Looks like he didn't put much thought into it.  His plan was to get a week off in January and then in February.  However, he didn't really look at the weeks and chose week 1 and 4 and they are both in January.  As soon as we confirm his vacation, I plan to review the flights to Raleigh and call the clinic to make an appointment.  I feel really excited about this.  These last months have been difficult and filled with severe mood swings.  Sometimes hopeful & excited, then sometimes in despair & sadness.  It doesn't help that the bills from the last IVF are still outstanding.  I don't know how it's going to end but my feeling is not good on my side.  I've learned a valuable lesson in all this. Get everything in writing.  They were very convinced that it would all be covered under my old plan and now that's it's all gone wrong, no one wants to help with fixing this.  I'm trying not to get upset about it but it's life changing.  I feel duped. Anyway, I plan to fill out the appeal but I'm not feeling very hopeful at this point.  In the end I will talk to both creditors and work out the smallest payment plan ever. It will take years to pay it back and if they have an issue, they can take it up with my RE's office since they are responsible for insisting that it would all be covered. Anyway, I'm sick of thinking about this and writing about it.  It's still the same no matter what.  Right now, I need to try to focus on the positive things happening.  Praying that next year is going to be our year for our baby dreams to come true.

Week of Thanksgiving....

Finally, J left for a trip so I can finally post.  I love having J home but I get nothing done when he is here.  Anyway, I can't believe it's been over a year since I began my infertility treatment.  Well, technically, we've been trying for the last 8+ years with no luck but the aggressive treatment with an RE was started in Aug 2010.  I had such hopes that IVF would be the answer to our baby dreams.  I'm still holding out hope for next year and I'm getting excited that it's almost here.  Plus, I've been working hard at getting healthy.  I've lost more than 10lbs and my blood sugar is going down too.  It's not completely normal but I have faith that I can get it under control and keep it under control.  My doctor has mentioned that this is progressive so one day I could be on meds of some kind and most likely will be on meds during a pregnancy for sure.  I've been going to the gym 3x/week for the last month.  I'm trying to up it to 5x/week like the doctor wants.  I really like how I feel after and like the results I'm seeing. 

Thanksgiving is only 2 days away and J will be home.  I decided that a traditional turkey with stuffing is in order.  And of course, Kahlua Chocolate Cheesecake for dessert with a simple Ganache (I didn't tell J about the Ganache, it's a surprise).  Usually J is off flying somewhere till after the holiday so this is a treat for us and I'm excited about that.  We are also doing a major house cleaning.  He's taking care of the basement and I'm taking care of the rest of the house.  It's going slower than I'd like but I got inspired today when watching a hoarders episode.  I'm grateful that even though I get lazy about throwing stuff out, I do know when it's time to do so.  No therapy needed for me in that department.