Little in rare form yesterday...

So we are in waiting mode for therapy for G.  I feel like we get the runaround a lot these days.  Last night was so hard. Something doesn't connect in her brain.  I told her we need to leave so she can get her pizza for dinner while she plays.  She just sat there playing on her tablet.  Nothing.  Last time she didn't get to eat there she had a meltdown in the parking lot.  Laying on the ground.  I wanted to avoid that happening again and explained but she doesn't get it.  Still has no concept of time.  We need help figuring out how to parent her.  Then last night before bed she wanted to have some Fanta.  Dad says yes so I go with it.  She now is trying to pretent to pour from an open bottle into her dolls mouth.  I tell her to stop, she'll spill, but doesn't listen so I try to stop her. Then it spills and she says its my fault.  Of course she takes no responsibility when I said not to do that.  Because she thinks she can do whatever she wants and the reality is she can't.  She touches peoples belongings and goes into their bags. No understanding or remorse.  When someone took something from her bag she didn't like it.  She was upset but she can't turn it around to understand that she can't do that either.  We are challenged.  Praying for a good day today.  Hoping to take her for her swim lesson and maybe we can go skating.  Something different to do.

Tired of being worried all the time...

Yes, I worry a lot these days.  Money is the big issue.  Will we make it till J gets back to work?  I don't know anymore.  I want to see if we can skip any payments but J keeps saying they'll cut us off on credit.  Well, let's be real, when we don't pay and our accounts are overdrawn, then what, they'll just ignore the missing payments and let us use our open credit.  NOT.  But what do I know.  I'm just a full time employee and mom of a seven year old and have struggled for years to pay down our debt only to wind up in the same situation.  I've cashed in all the savings, investments and 401K money I can scrounge up to pay.  It's not looking pretty anymore.  I worry that when J goes back to work, he'll just spend like even more as if we don't have debt to pay back.  It has to stop.  At this point, I'll be working till I die.  

My other worry is my daughter.  J has ideas on giving money rewards and I want to change that.  I suggested it and he said he agreed, then a couple of weeks later he said he wants to give her money rewards.  I think she should have an allowance.  No strings attached allowance.  Good behavior shouldn't be rewarded with cash.  She just needs to have good behavior.  

That's my rant of the day.  Thanks for listening.

Praying for change in 2024

2023 was a hard year.  We had G evaluated and found out she has Level 1 Autism.  A lot makes sense now but still dealing with her being so difficult with lots of big emotions and no way to handle it.  Hoping for help from Autism Learning Centers but we'll see.  I'm not impressed with the speed they want you to take but not them.  We've called and had our paperwork done and now waiting again till they are ready to call us.  This started at the end of November so you can see why I'm frustrated.  And right now, I'm ready to go out with G for the afternoon but she's just whining.  I can't do this or that.  I can't brush my teeth, I can't walk, I can only whine very loudly.  I love my girl but this part of her is hard.  She doesn't say what's wrong.  Just gets mad and actsw out.  Doesn't say something happened or what's making her upset even if she knows why.  ON PAUSE

I'm back.  She's now having hot cocoa and watching her tablet.  She's still a mess but happier.  I on the other hand have fear and worry in the next month.  I don't know how I'll pay our bills.  I just don't know anymore.  Jim keeps saying wait.  Always has regret about something.  I should have done this instead of that.  I should have done that instead of this.  Never happy with decisions.  My bank accounts have been drained and I'm thinking I need to get a part time job.  He won't do it.  I'm the one who will have to work and work and work and take care of G and clean the house and run around while he takes care of himself.  I've never seen anyone in my life procrastinate as much as he does.  I'm stressed about this, about that, etc.  I'm just so fed up with it all.  And super tired today.  Low energy.  

Maybe, just maybe, I need to take care of myself for once.  

HAPPY 2024.  PRAYING FOR PEACE, LOVE AND ACCEPTANCE

Healthcare and meds...

So, G had some crazy looking marks on her leg.  Possibly bug bites but I wanted to have it looked at since it was so many and so round. I was lucky to get an app the next day in the morning with her doctor.  We decided that since it was the Dr and not the NP we would ask the her questions about coming off the meds. When J mentioned it the nurse who checked us in she looked pissed off and was very combative.  I don't know why.  I'm not sure what she gained from acting like that.  She didn't want us to talk to the Dr about it because we have an app in Sept to review it.  But why was is it that she was so freaking angry about it.  If it was the NP, we would have just had her look at G's leg and we'd be done.  Anyway, we got a prescription to start her coming off the meds. We started on Saturday and by Sunday, we had a change of heart and gave her the extra dose.  Sunday and Monday were ugly days for G.  No self control at all.  I was terrified for her and anyone she would come in contact with.  She wasn't being bad.  Just so wild.  Anyway, she had an incident at school so we are now waiting to get with the pyschiatrist and we'll assess whats needed then.  So much for taking her off meds we didn't think worked anyway.  

Challenges...

I feel like I'm drowning in responsibilties. I get up at 6:30pm to get ready.  Then get G up to get ready.  We've started picking out clothes the night before to alleviate the struggle in the morning.  It seems to be working for now.  Then get her breakfast, put her bag together, get her meds together, pack her snack and water.  After that, we go back upstairs to brush teeth and wash face.  In between with her running to J to say hello and not do what she's supposed to do.  Finally all of are in the car and we drop her off.  Then, I get home, make my breakfast and coffee and work.  I do some side hustle and get my act together for my day job.  Now, I'm reminding J to do things, throwing in load of laundry, again reminding J to do things, working, figuring out dinner, keeping the kitchen clean, possibly pulling out the vaccum and going back to work, etc.  Now we are trying to get G off the current meds but it's all such a mess.  According to the doctor's office ,she should have been monitored every 3 months by the prescriber which we weren't aware of.  Anyway, just not happy these days with healthcare.  

Updates on our lives...

So we had a crazy July.  We took our little one to VA to stay with Grandma and Grandpa.  And J and I drove to NJ to have his surgery done.  It was really crazy, stressful, and exhausting. Hotel living and surgery don't mix well as well as travelling as much as we did.  G was not happy to be at Grandma and Grandpa's house.  She did get to meet her cousins in person.  They are her second cousins but they are her age.  She had the best time with them.  We had an extra 2 days in VA before we traveled home.  I spent as much time with G as I could.  We went to Surge and she had a great time climbing and jumping all afternoon.  She even got to have desert for lunch.  Not my idea but aparently there are no food options except for the pancake desert place in the mall.  So for dinner we had pizza and then she got to go play in the pool and her Aunt and Uncle's house. The next day was travel back home day.  Longest drive ever.  8 hours plus a car wreck that took over an hour to clear up just 500 feet away from us.  But we made it home and tried to get G under control.  Monday was orientation day with her teacher and Wednesday she started 1st grade.  We went to her therapist app as her behavior has been deteriorating lately.  Maybe it's all the traveling. Or J not being well.  Or just starting 1st grade.  Who knows.  She has good days and bad days.  The therapist is going to have a psychiatrist contact us to get her started with another medication.  In the meantime we have to wean her off of the current medication.  It's not really helping so better to get her off of it.  That's where we are right now.  I'm doing all the work.  Working full time, taking care of G, cooking, laundry, shopping, etc.  I have been looking into preparing and having ready meals ready to make.  Some will be in a jar that can cook with just water.  Others will be in a bag with all the ingredients ready to grab off the shelf and prep.  I have some things already that I like but meals in a jar is something we can use for long term storage as well has easy to go meals.  I joined Thrive Life and decided to become a consultant since I can get the lower prices for the products.  Plus, I really believe it being prepared and want to try harder to do that.  Covid got me that frame of mind and who knows what can happen.  I don't want to be unprepared for an emergency.  Anyway, that's where I am today. 

Anyone interested in Thrive Life, just click on Thrive Life.

Silly G

1st Day of 1st Grade