Feeling sad...

I wonder if it's all the hormones just going back to it's normal self.  Every day I feel something different.  Lately, it's been sadness and despair.  Not all day long.  But a lot of the time.  I feel tired, drained, sad and alone.  J seems oblivious sometimes.  He works on his models all day and night and doesn't seem to notice that I need him to be with me.  Why is it like that?  Even when I ask him to stay with me he doesn't really do it.  Why doesn't he get it?  Seems that he only notices when I don't get up and just stay curled up in bed for long periods of time.  Otherwise he's just in his own world.  I feel like I have to do everything.  Pay the bills, take care of the cats, clean up the house.  He just builds his models and that's all.  His job is done.  I'm the sucker that has to work all day and come home and work all night.  Maybe that's also why I'm feeling sad.  I want a partner and I'm not getting one.  And right now, I need him to be there for me and he's not.

Depression...

I started to miscarry on Wednesday night.  I found some painkillers so I took that which helped.  Now I have cramps on and off since then.  I'm glad it started and my body is starting to feel somewhat normal again. Well, sort of.  Maybe not.  Things are so depressing right now.  Sometimes I feel so sad all I want to do is curl up in bed and stay there.   I'm worried about everything.  Worried about money, paying bills, J's dismal disability check, being able to get to NY for my Dad's unveiling, paying for our next trip to SC.  I want to try again but it's hard when all I think about is doom and gloom these days.  I'm hoping it's just my crazy hormones.  I just want to feel normal again.  I don't want to just go home and sleep all day and night.  And I can do that apparently.  I did it last weekend. Maybe this weekend will be better.