No outlets

So apparently, I'm the one that has to take all the crap in this house.  Everyone is falling apart and I have to deal with it.  J just gets angry and makes it worse.  I'm tired.  All I see is him checking vitals over and over.  As if his life depends on it.  Our daughter is going to grow up seeing this and be affected by this.  I'm scared she'll be thinking it's normal to do this all the time.  I understand having tools available is nice but if he doesn't get a number he likes, he goes back on the treadmill.  He comes off shakey and has lost a lot of weight.  This is not normal behavior.  And I'm supposed to just take it.  I go upstairs to get some peace and he starts banging and yelling because the number on the machine isn't what he wants.  He does it again and again and again and same result.  I walk out frustrated and with anxiety because I have to get it from him and her and I'm just on edge all the time.  I can't get it out of my system.  Only him and her get to express themselves and I'm just supposed to sit there and take it.  This isn't the way I want to live the rest of my life.  If this is how it's going to be, I hope for it to be over soon. Maybe I should just stop going to my doctors, let my diabetes go out of control, get sick so I can maybe get a break.  I don't like thinking like that.  I'm trying hard to lose weight and lower my cholesterol so I don't need to take more meds.  But the garbage in this house is exhausting.  

Drained...

It's been a long week.  We made it through.  It was hard.  J is back home and Giuli is happier than ever.  I'm still trying to work on getting Giuli to listen to me.  Sometimes she just ignores me and does what she wants.  Yesterday, the daycare tried to help me by saying to her she needs to apologize for what she did. Sadly, she doesn't always seem to understand her actions.  And of course, lots of loud noises and crying on the way home as a result.  I wish I had the knowledge to fix what's going on inside of her.  We're still trying to find ABA care for her.  Just sitting on the waitlist and waiting for another to provide us with the assessment they did.  Everything takes so long to get done.  I'm glad her school started doing extra with her.  She goes to something called Lunch Bunch.  I think she likes it too.  Yesterday, she got 2 tokens so I told her if she can do that every day, I'll give her a matching dollar.  She wants to go to Target and she needs money for that.  Hoping a goal like that will give her incentive to do well in school.