Healthcare and meds...

So, G had some crazy looking marks on her leg.  Possibly bug bites but I wanted to have it looked at since it was so many and so round. I was lucky to get an app the next day in the morning with her doctor.  We decided that since it was the Dr and not the NP we would ask the her questions about coming off the meds. When J mentioned it the nurse who checked us in she looked pissed off and was very combative.  I don't know why.  I'm not sure what she gained from acting like that.  She didn't want us to talk to the Dr about it because we have an app in Sept to review it.  But why was is it that she was so freaking angry about it.  If it was the NP, we would have just had her look at G's leg and we'd be done.  Anyway, we got a prescription to start her coming off the meds. We started on Saturday and by Sunday, we had a change of heart and gave her the extra dose.  Sunday and Monday were ugly days for G.  No self control at all.  I was terrified for her and anyone she would come in contact with.  She wasn't being bad.  Just so wild.  Anyway, she had an incident at school so we are now waiting to get with the pyschiatrist and we'll assess whats needed then.  So much for taking her off meds we didn't think worked anyway.  

Challenges...

I feel like I'm drowning in responsibilties. I get up at 6:30pm to get ready.  Then get G up to get ready.  We've started picking out clothes the night before to alleviate the struggle in the morning.  It seems to be working for now.  Then get her breakfast, put her bag together, get her meds together, pack her snack and water.  After that, we go back upstairs to brush teeth and wash face.  In between with her running to J to say hello and not do what she's supposed to do.  Finally all of are in the car and we drop her off.  Then, I get home, make my breakfast and coffee and work.  I do some side hustle and get my act together for my day job.  Now, I'm reminding J to do things, throwing in load of laundry, again reminding J to do things, working, figuring out dinner, keeping the kitchen clean, possibly pulling out the vaccum and going back to work, etc.  Now we are trying to get G off the current meds but it's all such a mess.  According to the doctor's office ,she should have been monitored every 3 months by the prescriber which we weren't aware of.  Anyway, just not happy these days with healthcare.  

Updates on our lives...

So we had a crazy July.  We took our little one to VA to stay with Grandma and Grandpa.  And J and I drove to NJ to have his surgery done.  It was really crazy, stressful, and exhausting. Hotel living and surgery don't mix well as well as travelling as much as we did.  G was not happy to be at Grandma and Grandpa's house.  She did get to meet her cousins in person.  They are her second cousins but they are her age.  She had the best time with them.  We had an extra 2 days in VA before we traveled home.  I spent as much time with G as I could.  We went to Surge and she had a great time climbing and jumping all afternoon.  She even got to have desert for lunch.  Not my idea but aparently there are no food options except for the pancake desert place in the mall.  So for dinner we had pizza and then she got to go play in the pool and her Aunt and Uncle's house. The next day was travel back home day.  Longest drive ever.  8 hours plus a car wreck that took over an hour to clear up just 500 feet away from us.  But we made it home and tried to get G under control.  Monday was orientation day with her teacher and Wednesday she started 1st grade.  We went to her therapist app as her behavior has been deteriorating lately.  Maybe it's all the traveling. Or J not being well.  Or just starting 1st grade.  Who knows.  She has good days and bad days.  The therapist is going to have a psychiatrist contact us to get her started with another medication.  In the meantime we have to wean her off of the current medication.  It's not really helping so better to get her off of it.  That's where we are right now.  I'm doing all the work.  Working full time, taking care of G, cooking, laundry, shopping, etc.  I have been looking into preparing and having ready meals ready to make.  Some will be in a jar that can cook with just water.  Others will be in a bag with all the ingredients ready to grab off the shelf and prep.  I have some things already that I like but meals in a jar is something we can use for long term storage as well has easy to go meals.  I joined Thrive Life and decided to become a consultant since I can get the lower prices for the products.  Plus, I really believe it being prepared and want to try harder to do that.  Covid got me that frame of mind and who knows what can happen.  I don't want to be unprepared for an emergency.  Anyway, that's where I am today. 

Anyone interested in Thrive Life, just click on Thrive Life.

Silly G

1st Day of 1st Grade

Crazy moments with my daughter...

So this past weekend, G and I went to the pool.  I love taking her there.  The temps are really hot and I thought it was all going ok.  G got sick in the car on Thursday last week so J and I worked to get the smell out and clean it up. It still needs a really good cleaning but it smells ok.  So fast foward to Saturday.  We went to the pool and G and I were leaving.  Somewhere, somehow, she put goldfish in the cap of her water bottle.  I'm not sure why.  But she opened it all the crumbs came out and I lost my cool.  I asked her why she did that instead of just taking the bag of goldfish.  I told her she can't eat in the car if she's going always make a mess that others clean up.  Anyway, she then threw her water thermos.  I drove home angry.  I got out of the car to go to the front door and open the garage from inside (remote wasn't working). I came out and she was stomping on my phone in the grass saying I locked her in the car and closed the garage.  She went into the house and J followed her.  She hugged him and he came out.  It was then that I realized the windshield was cracked.  Huge crack and it'll cost us 500 to fix.  He went back inside and said, you broke the windshield.  She then kept stomping on his feet to hurt him.  Then went back outside to continue to stomp on my phone.  She was out of control.  Was it hunger, was it the heat, was it exhaustion?  I don't know.  She's seeing a therapist as I write this.  I hope she can help.  We need help parenting her.  The rest of the weekend was glorious.  She becomes really scary when she acts like that so something isn't right with her. I hope this therapist can help.

Struggles...

I love J but he doesn't always realize he's doing damage to our daughter.  He keeps commenting that he doesn't know how long he'll live like this.  She hears this and I can only imagine whats going on her brain.  She's been super clingy too. I want Daddy, running into Daddy's room, I need Daddy.  It's been over and over again and he says something not right with her.  I want to say, it's you.  You keep telling her it's over for you and you are not going to live much longer.  Every car ride you talk about it with me in the front and her in the back and she hears it.  I say stop.  I don't respond to it anymore.  If I say don't say that, he gets mad and loses it.  It scares me as well.  I'm not immune to his impending death.  I think if keep saying it over and over, eventually you'll accomplish the goal of dying.  Always so negative.  I want my little girl to be ok but he scares me.  And I'm at a loss at how to get him to stop.

So far so good...

This has been G's first week at the new daycare.  So far we like what we see in the place.  The person who runs it, has a child with ADHD and understands all too well.  She's a published author on a childrens book about ADHD.  It's on my list to order.  It's called "My Running Mind" and I'm purchasing it on Amazon.  If anyone is interested in it, I've linked it to the amazon page.  They seem chaotic but yet have total control over the children.  G has been having issues and we've been seeing her in the zone lately.  But they handled it so well.  So much better than just "your daughter is really aggressive"  I keep thinking of that comment and it gets me super angry.  These people are in the business of taking care of children and G is a child.  Have they never managed a child that has ADHD?  I guess they like to be selective with the children they get.  Only those that sit still.  We won't talk about the little boy that asked G if she wanted to see his weenie?  That was G's fault too.  I keep wondering where the adults were while this and other things were going on.  Well, keep praying for my little one and that she's now at the daycare she fits in well with.

The new daycare...

So G started her new daycare.  So far so good.  J thinks its too chaotic and she'll get bad habits there.  Maybe, maybe not.  But she got herself booted from the last one and that's the reality. J is always losing it these days.  She doesn't do what she's supposed to do and he yells that he's going to die soon.  I don't think that's good for her to hear and I'm not sure why he doesn't get it.  He keeps saying it to me as well and it gives me a lot of stress.  He doesn't feel well so everyone has to suffer.  Honestly, I think he'll accomplish dying if he doesn't stop saying it. He is always he should have done this or should have done that.  I'm surprised I'm still alive with the amount of stress he's put me through.  Anyway, G had an episode this morning and all this came up.  She can't control herself and you can say it to her over and over and she doesn't get it.

J is home and new daycare for G tomorrow...

I'm praying for her.  She knows she caused this to happen.  When you have an adult that is not compassionate and doesn't want to help a child, there is nothing you can do.  G is 6 years old.  She's smart but immature.  She doesn't know how to regulate herself.  She knows right from wrong but craves acceptance.  So when someone is giving her acceptance, it's ok to do the wrong thing.  This is what she's thinking in her brain.  It's not the right way.  We need to get her to understand that.  So even though there were other players in the mix of doing wrong, G is the one that got booted.  It breaks my heart because she doesn't understand how she was singled out.  Even when I explain it to her she doesn't get it.  Not totally.  She was always one step away from being dismissed.  The lady said it to me.  G is aggressive.  But the teacher said she was fine.  Two stories about one child.  G didn't mean to hurt anyone.  I'm not sure how a childs scissors can cut someone but if 3 children were playing with the scissors and one of these kids got hurt how did G get blamed for the entire episode.  Lots of unanswered questions but it really doesn't matter.  She has a new daycare tomorrow.  So I'm praying for her.  Praying she behaves well.  Praying she finds friends and acceptance.  Praying she makes good choices.  

Another daycare bites the dust...

It's hard to say what happened.  The teacher didn't say G hurt anyone but they were playing with scissors and someone got hurt. So off to Brain Balance and then they called as her session was ending early because G wet herself.  I had J call them back as I didn't want to talk to them.  They said a little girl was hurt and her parents were very upset and G is now not allowed to return to the daycare.  G said they were both playing with the scissors and throwing them and she didn't know how she got hurt.  But G is being blamed for it.  So there it is. This lady said she didn't want G there so now she isn't.  I don't think it's fair and I'm sure she isn't the only one so let her find out.  I know G isn't a perfect little girl.  My heart breaks for her.  I don't want her to think she's no good.  I want her to grow up and realize there are consequences.  She needs to make better decisions.  She needs to know right from wrong and not go down the path of wrong because others are doing it.  How do I get her to understand that?  How do I get through to her?

Monday night therapy...

So yesterday afternoon, J picked up G early.  We went to see her previous therapist.  He knows her so it was a good choice to make.  G likes to please people but doesn't understand that someone being a friend doesn't ask you to do things that aren't appropriate.  We just need to keep on reminding her about that.  We and her therapist believe it was initiated by the boy.  I don't know what goes on in his home nor do I care.  I care about what my daughter does.  Her actions and behaviors is what's important right now.  We did giver her the tablet for the ride but again, she just can't handle it.  She can't regulate herself to realize how it impacts her. So no tablet for now.   Let's hope for an uneventful week for G other than her having fun.

J is home and the story gets crazy...

So J came home on Friday.  He went to pick her up at the daycare with the hope of talking to that lady that has it out for G.  She was gone for the day so J talked to her teacher.  He told her what's going on and she was shocked.  She was the one who saw the boy and G doing something inappropriate.  She didn't think it was as bad as was relayed to us.  J also mentioned that the documentation is being used as a report to get G dismissed.  I was the one who asked for the reports so I can know what to talk to her therapist about when we finally get one.  This lady said to me we'll see how it goes and if in a couple of weeks we'll talk about unenrollment.  So why am I paranoid?  This is why.  Why am I stressed? This is why.  Her teacher said she had a pretty much perfect day.  Everything went so well.  Her teacher had no idea the reports were being used like that.  I should ask her to also document when she's having a wonderful day and just being a little girl enjoying her life.  I hate this woman right now.  G isn't a troublemaker.  She's a 6 year old little girl.  She's smart. She's sassy. She's outgoing. And she's the class clown but she's loving and sweet.  She wants to do everything herself but when she can't get's angry.  We are working on that.  We are working on her ADHD.  Small steps.  I feel like there are so many judgemental people out there.  G doesn't conform to what others want her to be and that frustrates them.  When you think you'll get one reaction, you wind up getting another.  But nothing is wrong with her that would justify being singled out like she is.  Please pray for my little girl.  She doesn't need to be treated like this.  

Waiting for the shoe to drop...

Yes, that's how I'm feeling right now. Today they had a field trip to a movie.  I'm worried.  She can't sit still for long and I'm sure it'll be used against her.  I found a poem and I can't stop listening to the words on the ballad put together.  I wound up creating a reel on facebook and I've been listening to the words over and over.

Wild Child by Jessica Ulrich

Pray for my daughter, pray for my family.  I want her to grow up to be a happy, successful, well-rounded woman.  I don't want these things to affect her but i'm afraid it will.  

My heart hurts for her…

 I love my little girl so much.  Lately she has been making bad choices.  At daycare a little boy wanted her to kiss his weenie.  They made a game of it and she isn’t 100 percent understanding what she did wrong. He’s her friend and she thinks it’s ok to go that.  Now the lady at daycare is picking G apart for anything that happens.  The teachers write reports and this lady blows them out of proportion.  I’m scared for her.  I feel like she’s disgusted with G and wants her gone from the daycare.  J is feeling that too.  I worry how she’ll feel if they kick her out and we need to find another daycare.  G is smart but she’s immature for her age.  We’re working to improve that but singling her out like this isn’t right.  J is coming home tomorrow and will go speak to this lady directly.  Right now I’m too emotional about it.  I need to know what path to take.  I’m praying G-d can show me the way

Unsure about what happened yesterday...

Yesterday we went to the pool party.  It was nice but really crowded and G met some of her school friends at the pool and really enjoyed herself.  It went downhill from there.  Crying and not listening well at all.  Somewhat improved after eating.  Got her into a bath and I did some cleaning up while she played in the tub.  Dried her hair and we read a book together (she's doing so well with that) and watched a show on youtube for a few minutes before putting her to bed.  However, she didn't go to bed.  She couldn't sleep and kept getting up and coming in my room.  Can I go potty, can we have perogies, I hear a woodpecker at my window, I hear booming (fireworks).  This went on all night till she came in and asked if she can sleep in my room.  When she settled down, she didn't settle down.  Legs up and down.  I finally put the TV on because it was apparent no sleeping was happening.  I can't have another night like this.  It made me angry and I was angry with her. And of course, she cried when she got up because she was so freaking tired.  I need to figure out what to do.  I took away her tablet but her motor wouldn't stop.  I purchased some supplements and hoping this will help her get settled down.  Please pray for us.

The weekend...

It's been an interesting weekend so far.  G got up yesterday and spent some time on the tablet before breakfast.  It went downhill from there.  She was so out of control.  We are both seeing how the tablet is affecting her behavior.  She was getting a medal at her gymnastics class yesterday and it was looking like we wouldn't be going. She was totally out of control and at one point, J wanted me to stay and sit in the training room (we call it that instead of time out now) but I screamed "I need a break".  My adrenaline was pumping and I was close to losing it with her.  He got the point. So we decided to stop the tablet for the weekend.  She can watch some videos right before bed while I scratch her back.  We already set limits to 1 hour/day durning the week and 2 hours/day on weekend.  But she needs even less than that and definitely not in the morning.  

On another note, I have changed the name of my facebook business page to Healthy Womens Lifestyle and put a new post introducing my niche.  People didn't follow me for this so I wanted to be transparent with my intentions.  I'm excited about it but still have some work to do on my website before it's fully finished.

My first canning project...

I'm so excited.  Today I didn't start off well today.  I was feeling down and depressed.  Nearly at tears every once in a while.  I'm not sure why.  Just so many negative thoughts crossing my mind.  Anyway, in the last month, I've been intrigued at canning.  I would love to grow my own vegetables but it's not in the cards right now till we have a house we own.  So I went in search of tomatoes for my first project.  Canning crushed tomatoes.  I bought about 20 lbs of roma tomatoes and basically spent the rest of my afternoon preparing, cooking and canning tomatoes.  I made 5 jars and here is a pic of them below.  I have 3 more in the canner and should be ready soon to remove.  I was careful to follow a lab tested recipe from Ball so it would be safe to consume with risk. I was torn between working on my affiliate business, cleaning or canning.  Since it will be next to impossible to do this with G around, I decided to do the canning.  I've always wanted to try it and we'll see how it comes out. So far so good. I have another recipe I want to try next and it's still waterbath canning.  

Last week of school..

I can't believe my little girl made a full year in school.  She wore the same outfit as her first day and you can see the difference.  In less than one year, she's grown up.  This weekend we have her awards for her gymnastics class and Monday is Memorial Day and there is a pool party to attend.  She loves the pool.  I got some fun things for the pool for her to play with. I hope she likes it.  Today, she met her First Grade teacher.  I can't wait to find out who it is.  

On to my next topic.  I'm still working out the content for my Affiliate Marketing Business.  Writing an article or blog post isn't easy when you need to do research to figure it all out.  I feel like I'm back in school writing essays again.  Whoop whoop.  But this will get me to my end result which is to own my own affiliate marketing business and make money doing it.  In the end I'll do it because I refuse to quit.  And my family needs this.  I worry about the future so much lately.  We're getting low on funds till J goes back to work.  So much so, that it keeps me up at night.  If this works out, it can be a second source of money to help pay down debts or save for G's education.  I just want to make sure I have enough content for about a month.  Then, I can promote on my facebook page to get people to view and hopefully follow.  

I still have some learning to do but taking my time to make sure I do it correctly.  

Here are some pics of my little sassy girl. Her face has thinned out