Well, I'm anxiously waiting to meet with my RE regarding this failed IVF cycle. After talking to J on Friday, I told him that I hope I don't get another call from the office cancelling. He didn't think that would happen but believe it or not, I got a call that the Dr. will be in surgery on Monday during my appointment time. I was almost upset but they gave me an appointment for the next day at 5PM. The good part is that J will now be able to be at the appointment. The other 2 cancelled appointments he was working. I'm used to doing things on my own but I'd rather him be with me during these appointments. It's a team effort and luckily, all the past appointments he was able to come to as well. This is why I was thinking that maybe everything happens for a reason and the reason the other appointments were cancelled is because J couldn't make it.
I'm also glad to say that my mood has definitely improved. I can't believe how down I was. It's not like me to be depressed but this whole thing can really take an emotional toll on a person. I remember the Dr. mentioning at one of the consults that this is all so emotional but at the time I didn't feel it yet. I handed my life over to them. They took blood and did ultrasounds and gave me direction on the next steps every other day. I had no emotional stress at all. I think the emotional part started in the middle of the 2ww. It was the hardest part of all and then the disappointment at the end of that. Add J not being here as well. I think it's safe to say I lost it and in the process learned valuable lessons. I think I need to keep this fertility stuff to myself for the next try. I don't want to have to explain to anyone about the disappointment of not being pregnant. If it works out then I'll have some positive news but until then, just J and I will know what's going on. Also, I decided that for the next time, I will take the day off when I go for the pregnancy test. Being at work and getting that news just killed me to try to act normal. I couldn't function. All I could think about was that I was a failure as a woman. Perhaps before I wasn't ovulating but this was different. I had 2 embryos places in my uterus and they didn't live. What is wrong with me? Did I do something wrong in those 2 weeks to make that happen? I just wanted to cry and I was at work and couldn't. It took everything to drive home and make it in the house before breaking down. It's been 3 weeks since then so I'm feeling much better. The extra hormones are out of my system and I think my ovaries are finally feeling normal again. Ok, to be continued on Tuesday......
I'm also glad to say that my mood has definitely improved. I can't believe how down I was. It's not like me to be depressed but this whole thing can really take an emotional toll on a person. I remember the Dr. mentioning at one of the consults that this is all so emotional but at the time I didn't feel it yet. I handed my life over to them. They took blood and did ultrasounds and gave me direction on the next steps every other day. I had no emotional stress at all. I think the emotional part started in the middle of the 2ww. It was the hardest part of all and then the disappointment at the end of that. Add J not being here as well. I think it's safe to say I lost it and in the process learned valuable lessons. I think I need to keep this fertility stuff to myself for the next try. I don't want to have to explain to anyone about the disappointment of not being pregnant. If it works out then I'll have some positive news but until then, just J and I will know what's going on. Also, I decided that for the next time, I will take the day off when I go for the pregnancy test. Being at work and getting that news just killed me to try to act normal. I couldn't function. All I could think about was that I was a failure as a woman. Perhaps before I wasn't ovulating but this was different. I had 2 embryos places in my uterus and they didn't live. What is wrong with me? Did I do something wrong in those 2 weeks to make that happen? I just wanted to cry and I was at work and couldn't. It took everything to drive home and make it in the house before breaking down. It's been 3 weeks since then so I'm feeling much better. The extra hormones are out of my system and I think my ovaries are finally feeling normal again. Ok, to be continued on Tuesday......
No comments:
Post a Comment