Overwhelmed....

Well, we had our appointment yesterday.  Not what I was expecting.  I had hoped we have an easier time of this but that is not our destiny.  If we are to be successful in having a baby then we will need to do IVF.  We are going to give it try since we do have some sort of chance.  1st month is a dry run.  No drugs invovled except possibly a 10 day supply of antibiotics.  Then I get to learn how to give myself injections of hormones.  I hope they don't make me crazy.  I'm not looking forward to that part.  I feel a little scared and emotional about the whole thing too.  Right now, anything can make me cry.  I just keep trying not to think about it but it comes back to me.  And worse than that, I really need people to be positive but sometimes they don't think.  For instance, someone tells me it will probably take a long time anyway to do this.  More than once because the first time won't work.  Why would someone say that to me.  They didn't go thru it and really don't know what can happen all because they had one friend that went thru it and happened to them this way.  Why does that mean it will happen to me.  Maybe it will work on the first try.  I need to be hopeful.  I'm feeling lost right now.  J is gone till next week so I'm all alone and feel really sad.  I wish we didn't wait so long for us to have a baby.  If we had started trying 13 years ago, things might have been different.  We might not have had these issues or maybe we would have but now I'm at the end of the line.  It's now or never.  Next step for me is menopause.  I don't think I can consider the rest of my life childless.  J says he wants kids and he has come with me to the doctors office so far.  He seems on board and knows that this is the last chance for us to have a child.  I just have so much anxiety right now.  I need to figure out how to relax.  Maybe I'll go to the gym.  It might help.