Trying to deal with stress....

I'm not doing a good job at it right now.  I'm feeling anger and annoyance at an anyone that messes up any plans I have.  Patience is at an all time low.  I had an eye exam set up for 12/26 and they just called to cancel the appointment.  They were trying to reschedule but they must make it so difficult.  Everything is in the afternoon or morning.  I know my eyes and I won't be able to go drive to work with dilated pupils.  Especially if it's sunny outside.  The last time I used sunglasses and the shades they give out at the desk just to get myself home.  Once she started talking about the new year I said I just can't schedule it right now.  I hung up while she was saying I should call back when I'm ready.  I have too many other things on my mind right now.  Tomorrow is the day for my biopsy and I'm still terrified of the procedure.  Nothing about using a medieval device will convince me of that.  I bet if this were for a man they would surely find a better way to do this.  I was told no pain meds are necessary.  Just some Tylenol.  You can't take Advil or Excedrin or anything with aspirin in it.  But they wrap you up in an ace bandage instead of wearing your bra.  And put ice packs in it to keep the swelling and bruising down.  And I'm supposed to do that till the next day but I'm told the pain is mild.  Seriously, I had pain meds after my egg retrieval and at least I was sleeping during the procedure.  I have pain meds from other medical issues and I won't hesitate to take them.  Screw them.  A hallowed needle is going in my breast to suck out tissue samples.  Please don't insult me and say only a mild discomfort.  It's my breast and two people I work with already said it's very sore after.  I'm just feeling so emotional and scared right now.  I wish this was over with already.  Right now, I'm not feeling so well.  I hope I'm not coming down anything.  Just need to get through today.

Countdown to 12/4...

Maybe it will be easier when J is home.  Or when I'm going to work on Monday.  Right now, it's hard to focus on anything but this biopsy.  I'm just terrified.  Of the procedure and the outcome.  I hate that everyone says it's not a big deal.  Just a hollowed needle going deep into your breast to suck out tissue for samples. Which goes in like a nail gun in case you where wondering.  How does that sound?  It horrifies me.  And I'll have to feel and listen to it first hand.  Then the results come and that terrifies me as well.  It's looking more and more like SC is out of the question till I get my results back.  This setback feels like GOD is saying "you're not meant to be a mother".  J is saying it's only another month.  The reality is that anything right now hurts.  It's just so painful to see everyone build their families and we're still trying to get caught up. My friends have kids that are in high school and starting college.  Here we are still trying to get in the game.  It hardly seems fair anymore.  My emotions are all over the place and this biopsy is my worst fear happening.  Right now, wine is my best friend.