Blood sugar ups and downs...

This diabetes thing is kicking my butt today.  I must say, that since I've modified my eating and count my carbs and exercise I have felt much better.  I don't get the constant headaches and fatigue daily anymore.  That being said, sometimes I still feel out of wack.  I was good till after lunch.  Then the headache set in.  I was feeling pretty miserable so when I got home I checked my blood sugar.  Surprise, surprise, it was 85.  That's like normal but for someone who's blood sugar has been in the 100-140 range for a while now, 85 can make a person feel rather ill.  No worries though, I ate some food and in 2 hours it was 119.  Just finished my snack but I still feel like crap.  I wanted to work out tonight and now I feel guilty that I didn't.  I hope I can make it up Thursday or Friday. 

Anyway, the rest of my week at work will be easy but at home, I'm in the midst of making my holiday cards and it's important that I finish and get them in the mail by the end of this weekend.  I'm pleased with how they are coming out too.  Last years card was a disaster.  Yeager was dying and I was overwhelmed with starting my first IVF. 

Getting ready for my 1st DE/IVF....

I've waited so long to start this process.  I can't believe it's finally here.  We have our initial consult out in NC at the end of January.  I'm so excited.  My understanding is that it could take 2-3 months after the initial consult.  We are doing a split donor cycle so we need to find a donor and wait for another couple that is interested in that same donor.  Hopefully, it will go by quickly.  Back to injections, meds, etc.  I don't know what kind of drugs they use.  I'm just excited to get the process started already.  J mentioned driving up to Richmond to visit his parents the day before our appointment.  We haven't told anyone in our families what we are doing so I don't know what J will say to them.  Anyway, it's nice to be able to focus on that appointment and know I'm moving in a direction.  Luckily, I'm super busy at work so the time should go by quickly.  I have our flight booked too.  J wanted to jumpseat down but I was in fear of him not getting there.  So I bought a one way for him and round trip for me.  He can jumpseat back.  I wouldn't have even batted an eye when he mentioned jumpseating exept that we once flew from DC-NC and he left me on the plane to go to NC by myself. He finally had to rent a car and drive to Raleigh.  He couldn't get on any of the jumpseats because of the weight, if I am remembering correctly.  Anyway, the whole thing was very upsetting and this is way more important this time. 

Lazy, rainy days....

I guess rainy is better than snowy but either way, I'm not feeling motivated to do much. So far, we've gone grocery shopping and now I'm touching up my hair.  I think that today is pretty much a wash for the big cleanup.  Wish the weather was nicer.  Well at least my hair will look nice.

J's vacation schedule comes out on 12/1.  Looks like he didn't put much thought into it.  His plan was to get a week off in January and then in February.  However, he didn't really look at the weeks and chose week 1 and 4 and they are both in January.  As soon as we confirm his vacation, I plan to review the flights to Raleigh and call the clinic to make an appointment.  I feel really excited about this.  These last months have been difficult and filled with severe mood swings.  Sometimes hopeful & excited, then sometimes in despair & sadness.  It doesn't help that the bills from the last IVF are still outstanding.  I don't know how it's going to end but my feeling is not good on my side.  I've learned a valuable lesson in all this. Get everything in writing.  They were very convinced that it would all be covered under my old plan and now that's it's all gone wrong, no one wants to help with fixing this.  I'm trying not to get upset about it but it's life changing.  I feel duped. Anyway, I plan to fill out the appeal but I'm not feeling very hopeful at this point.  In the end I will talk to both creditors and work out the smallest payment plan ever. It will take years to pay it back and if they have an issue, they can take it up with my RE's office since they are responsible for insisting that it would all be covered. Anyway, I'm sick of thinking about this and writing about it.  It's still the same no matter what.  Right now, I need to try to focus on the positive things happening.  Praying that next year is going to be our year for our baby dreams to come true.

Week of Thanksgiving....

Finally, J left for a trip so I can finally post.  I love having J home but I get nothing done when he is here.  Anyway, I can't believe it's been over a year since I began my infertility treatment.  Well, technically, we've been trying for the last 8+ years with no luck but the aggressive treatment with an RE was started in Aug 2010.  I had such hopes that IVF would be the answer to our baby dreams.  I'm still holding out hope for next year and I'm getting excited that it's almost here.  Plus, I've been working hard at getting healthy.  I've lost more than 10lbs and my blood sugar is going down too.  It's not completely normal but I have faith that I can get it under control and keep it under control.  My doctor has mentioned that this is progressive so one day I could be on meds of some kind and most likely will be on meds during a pregnancy for sure.  I've been going to the gym 3x/week for the last month.  I'm trying to up it to 5x/week like the doctor wants.  I really like how I feel after and like the results I'm seeing. 

Thanksgiving is only 2 days away and J will be home.  I decided that a traditional turkey with stuffing is in order.  And of course, Kahlua Chocolate Cheesecake for dessert with a simple Ganache (I didn't tell J about the Ganache, it's a surprise).  Usually J is off flying somewhere till after the holiday so this is a treat for us and I'm excited about that.  We are also doing a major house cleaning.  He's taking care of the basement and I'm taking care of the rest of the house.  It's going slower than I'd like but I got inspired today when watching a hoarders episode.  I'm grateful that even though I get lazy about throwing stuff out, I do know when it's time to do so.  No therapy needed for me in that department.

It's been awhile....

Hmm. I haven't written in over a month.  I've been working really hard to keep up with this diet.  Today I got on the scale and it looks like I have a slight setback.  My Dr is happy with my blood sugar readings and weight loss so far.  They have been between 100 -120 pre-breakfast but I just switched meters and it's now a lot higher than that.  Around 130's.  I guess different meters can be set differently.  I'm trying not to let that get me down.  Also, sometimes I feel like J is sabotaging me a little.  He'll make some dessert and insist that I try it even though he knows I'm battling diabetes.  He also has been wanting to go out to dinner to buffets.  It's been a bit frustrating for me. On those nights, I've seen a significant increase in my blood sugar.  I seem to have better outcomes when J is away on a trip.  I choose better foods than he does. I do push to eat more chicken.  I buy them from the Walmart already cooked.  It's delicious, cheap and my blood sugar is usually in good shape.   I have a follow up with my doctor at the end of December so hopefully, with some more weight loss, exercise and monitoring my carb intake will have made a difference.  I really don't want to go on meds.

On a happier note, it looks like J will be home for Thanksgiving.  He is working on Tues and Wed though so I hope he is able to get home.  If not, we'll have Thanksgiving on Friday which is typical for a pilots family.  We rarely get to celebrate on the actual holiday so this will be a treat if he makes it home that night.  I have huge plans for that week as well. I plan to do a deep clean around this house.  I've neglected so much this past year and it's about time I get it all in order.  I had no idea that IVF would take such a toll on me.  Maybe because it didn't work and physically needed to recover.  Plus, it doesn't help having issues with the billing still.  I wound up writing a letter to my RE about the bills not getting paid as promised.  I called the other day to follow up and the receptionist seemed more friendly than the last times I spoke with her.  The last time, she said I need to call this one and that one.  She didn't want to deal with it.   I guess it wouldn't have upset me but all the bills still haven't been processed through the insurance company.  I asked about what's happening with the hospital portion of the bill and she said it should be reprocessed.  I'll give it till the end of November and if nothing has happened then I'll have to do another call or letter if necessary.  I hated writing the letter but I don't think my RE was aware of the billing issues and we couldn't get past the receptionist.  She is supposed to handle the billing.  Oh well.  Hopefully, it will be smooth sailing from here and this chapter will be closed soon.   

Down Day....

Everyday I start out great.  Everyday by the end of the day I'm feeling sad and alone.  I worry about everything these days.  I try not to but I just can't help it these days.  I'm stressed about all the money I'm spending because of my eye injury and now diabetes.  I also found out that I was misled by my doctors office regarding the coverage.  Since my company was sold in the middle of treatment, I was told by my RE's office that the bills should go through WIN Fertility.  They told me to bring copies in or fax them over if I were to get bills from anyone.  Now suddenly, I talked to WIN and they said they don't manage the professional services (hospital and anesthesia).  They said they just pass those on to Cigna as is.  Well, that's great.  Isn't that something I should have known before we moved forward?  It's almost 9K worth of bills that should have been $250.  Big mistake if you ask me and not to be taken lightly.  We don't have 9K and I refuse to use my baby fund to pay this bill.  It's really getting me down and I'm sick about it.  Every time I think we are getting ahead, something sets us back.  My HR administrator has been helping me sort through everything.  She was very upset when I told her the outcome.  She wants to put in a complaint.  When J comes home, I think he needs to contact the billing departments and set up a plan to pay them back before they go into collections.  Maybe they can reduce the bill by half.  It's worth finding out.  Maybe we can still try and appeal.  I guess I'm so frustrated because if I knew for sure that I would have to pay after the sale, I would have cancelled the cycle.  It wouldn't have been worth it for just a 5% chance. 

Anyway, the only good thing going on is my dedication to sticking to this diet to get healthy and lower my blood sugar.  I have another appointment with a diabetes educator and a dietician next week.  I've lost about 4-5 lbs already and it gives me motivation to keep it up.  My goal is to lose at least 20 if not 30 lbs.  I'm not sure I can make it to 30 lbs but I'll try.   Everyone who knows me says the same thing.  "Your not obese, why do you have diabetes?"  Obviously, that doesn't matter.  I want to be very healthy for next year.  I still plan to move forward on doing DE/IVF.  I try to focus on that because it's most important to me now.