Benign....

That moment I had sheer relief and exhaustion come over me.  I almost started to cry on the phone.  I know at such an early stage my recovery wouldn't be a concern.  It was knowing that a diagnosis of cancer would put our plans for a baby on hold and probably end that dream altogether because of my age.  I just wasn't ready to let go of that dream.  We are ready to move past this bump in the road and on to the next step.  Slower than I had hoped but we'll get there. 

Waiting for test results....

So now that the horrendous biopsy is done, the next stress is waiting for the biopsy results.  Yesterday I started to really think about it.  Odds are in my favor that it's benign but I'm still freaked out thinking about it.  I really hope I find out by tomorrow.  I keep having these awful thoughts and it's hard to see past that.  Plus, I'm still not feeling all that well.  I've been taking painkillers every night.  I have pain on my rib cage, armpit and top of breast.  The pain comes and goes.  I also feel fatigued.  Probably from the stress of the procedure and now all the waiting.  I just want to lay in bed and sleep.  I also did a little binging today.  I try not to do that too often but sometimes I just break.  Today is one of those days.  I just want it all to be okay so I can move on from this nightmare.  I just keep praying that the nightmare will really end tomorrow.  I just don't know how I will deal with the alternative.