Ups, downs, highs, lows....

That's how I feel lately.  Every day I wake up not knowing how I'm going to feel throughout the day.  I put on a smile every day but inside I feel like I am being torn apart.  I feel so incomplete.  All I want is to be a mom.  Have a family of my own.  Year by year, month by month and I'm still not a mom and know that I need to wait a little bit longer.  I look at my savings over and over.  I keep trying to will it to grow faster but I know that's not possible.  Maybe by June, we'll be able to get this party started.  Actually, we still don't have a donor yet either.  I know it will all come together and I just need to be patient but it's so hard.  I've waited so long already and a little longer seems like an eternity.  I guess it's good to have a distraction.  I'm still working on losing weight.  I have another 10 lbs to go and I think I'll be done.  Let's hope my weight loss goal coincides with my quest for motherhood.  Till then.