The waiting game.....

Lately, I feel like all I'm doing is waiting.  Waiting till we have enough money saved, waiting for a donor to become available, waiting for the nice weather to come...etc, etc....I feel the clock ticking by and I'm always still in the waiting game.  I've watched as my friends have gotten pregnant, given birth and raised their children.  I've watched my sister raise her boys, both of my sister-in-laws raise their children.  I've watched and waited patiently for my turn.  For our turn.  Sometimes I feel like I've been trying to become a mother for so long that I don't know how I'll handle it when I get pregnant.  If I get pregnant.  I want to be positive but sometimes it's so hard.  Right now, I feel very lost.  Every aspect of my life is in disorder.  My blood sugar, my house, me.  I feel like I'm in disorder.  Will my dreams of being a mother ever really happen?  Is it a dream that is out of my reach forever?  I didn't know it was going to be this hard.  I had thought that getting pregnant would have been the easy part.  What did I do to deserve this?  Why am I so broken?  I know this is just a moment I'm having today and it will pass.  And I'll continue waiting for my turn.