It's an official BIG FAT NO.....

I'm amazed at how devastated I was when I heard the message.  Your Not Pregnant.  I took HPT's all week and saw that it was negative.  I knew but yet I needed to hear it officially and when I did, I nearly fell apart.  I could barely talk to J and I was good in telling everyone in chat or email but once I said it to someone, I lost it.  Luckily, my supervisor and team said it would be a good idea if I left early.  I really needed to get out of there. Once I got home and hopped into a hot bath, I broke down and let it all out.  I feel broken.  Everything seemed to go well.  What went wrong.  Is it me?  J is gone till Tuesday.  I feel so alone right now.  This is so painful.  I put my life in there hands.  It was the only way to do this without any stress.  Why does this have to be so hard.  All I want is to be a mother.  Am I asking for a lot.  I was so terrified at every turn.  First, I was afraid that J's sperm would be all dead when it came time to fertilize not to mention I was afraid that my eggs would be no good.  Then, once I got the info that all was good and had 2 grade 1 embryo's, I was more confident.  I guess, I just wanted to believe it would work for me right away.  That I would be different and all we needed was a little help to get pregnant.  I guess it's just more complex than that. I need to call and make an appointment to see my RE to see what went wrong.  I just really need to keep the faith but today and maybe for the rest of the weekend I really need to mourn this loss. I had 2 embryo's in my uterus and they both died instead of implanting.  It hurts.  I really wanted them both to be a part of my family.  Right now, all I can feel is sadness.  I just feel drained and exhausted.