When the universe is against you...

I just don't know what to do anymore.  Every time I take a step forward, I feel like we take two steps back.  Today I had my sonohystogram done.  And who gets excited for a painful ultrasound?  I do.  J did too.  My Dr said I had a polyp and my lining is thick which is odd.  I'm not sure if the polyp will be a problem but I'm sure I'll find out in the next few days.  Then I finally got my answer from the clinic about the FSA funds.  Only 2 days before open enrollment ends and I get my answer.  I can't use it to pay for the program.  Hopefully I can use it to pay for donor fees but we were counting on using it for that.  So now I'm stressed and upset because I'll have to apply for a bigger loan and I'm worried that we won't qualify now.  We did back in April but we've increased our spending and things are different now.  I just don't know what to do anymore.  How can things go wrong so quickly.  I hope I'm just over reacting but I don't think so.

Summer Blur....

It's been awhile since I posted anything.  I've been battling a lot of medical issues this summer so posting wasn't a priority.  My blood sugar started to go up, up and up.  Turns out that I have Type 1.5 or LADA.  Latent Autoimmune Diabetes for Adults.  I was originally diagnosed with Type 2 back in 2011.  Watching my blood sugar go up made me feel like I was doing something wrong.  I wasn't exercising as much as the doctors had said but my A1C was 5.5 at the beginning of this year without medications.  Just diet and exercise.  So why suddenly was everything changing.  I'm not obese.  I watch what I eat.  I measure my food so I don't eat too much (carbs especially).

I'm glad I found out what's wrong but it's a huge change that will be difficult to adjust to.  I won't just take insulin till I'm better, I'll be taking it for the rest of my life.  I'm also struggling with symptoms of fatigue.  I don't just feel a little tired.  It's an "I can't see straight fatigue and I need to sleep, sleep, sleep but I can't because I'm in a meeting at work or I'm driving somewhere or " and it happens every day many times during the day.  I try to walk around the building at lunch as many days during the week that I can.  Once the weather gets colder, it will be too cold to do that.  With exercising and counting my carbs, you'd think I'd have it under better control but it's not.  I'm currently going through diabetes education to learn as much as I can.  I have to get this under control because I still plan to move forward with our fertility plan and my doctor said it's not safe for me to be pregnant right now.  Not for a growing fetus.  Luckily my A1C isn't too high so I'm hoping with medication it will be down within 3 months to safer levels.  My fasting blood sugar has gotten much better. Now I just need to get my after meal numbers down.  Tracking food, carbs, taking blood sugars, exercise, how I feel all day, taking blood sugars, injecting insulin, checking blood sugars (did I say that already)  is hard on a person. It's day after day after day and it will never change for me.  I'm trying to accept all of this.  I want to be a mother so badly that getting this under control is all I think about so I'm willing to do just about anything.