Staying Positive....

I'm trying.  TTC and not getting anywhere is exhausting and disappointing.  It's something I have no control over and I need to keep reminding myself of that.  I just want it now.  And why not?  I've been trying for years and it hardly seems fair anymore.  It seems the ladies at work get preggo by drinking the water.  They don't know how lucky they are.  But seeing them everyday has been difficult.  I was talking with one of my co-workers and the subject came up.  I usually say we are trying and having some difficulties.  They know how old I am.  Anyway, she said, "you can take one of mine".  Really?  I don't want her kid, I want my own kid.  I know she didn't realize she said anything wrong but it stung.  I'm counting the months till we get close to the end of the year.  We plan to do a consult with the clinic and apply for a loan.  Hopefully, everything will work out this time.  I'm not looking forward to the shots again but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.  Anyway, we're still trying naturally but ever since my last IVF, my cycle is not the same  Not sure why but I'll keep trying even though it's been hard.  J has a lousy job for TTC.  That along with both our IF issues doesn't make it easy.  I'm thinking that it's crazy to try to take all these supplements.  They are expensive and I could be putting that money away for the IVF next year.  Well, it's only 4 more months.  Just wish it was now.