Life....

On Monday, January 10th at 9AM our lives changed forever.  Our furry family member, Yeager, passed away.  It was a tough decision.  We knew he was very sick.  I had to bring him to the vet nearly twice a week to drain the fluid off his chest just so he wouldn't suffocate to death or rupture an internal organ and die a slow painful death.  I knew it was just time for him to rest.  Yeager has been with J and I since we were together.  Always, J & A and Yeager.  He was family.  We all miss him.  I was surprised at how much Amelia and Scottie missed him.  I've been trying to pay extra attention to them even though I feel just as bad as they do.  It was so strange when I came home that night.  Only putting food in Amelia and Scotties dishes.  J had to go drive to DTW to go to work so I was home alone with the cats that night. I found myself looking for him even though I knew he wasn't here.  I long to have him on my pillow, purring the night away.  Rubbing his face with my face.  Cradling him in my arms like a baby.  He loved being held tightly to me.   He would chase after me to spend a moment alone with me in the bathroom.

Here I am, running to the vet in my spare time, trying to figure out how to I was going to keep Yeager alive and do this IVF with the anxiety of losing Yeager.  Now, I don't have to worry about that.  The decision was made for us.  Yeager doesn't have to suffer anymore and I won't have the anxiety about his loss but to grieve his loss.  I guess the time has come to move on to the next phase of our lives.