Mother's Day and Dad's Day....

My Dad passed away on May 7th in the afternoon.  My sister had called me the day before and told me that Dad was struggling to breath and on lots of pain meds.   I got my work prepared as best I could and went home thinking she'd call me in the middle of the night with the bad news.  No call, so I went to work. She called me after lunch and told me Dad was gone.  Even though I was prepared I wasn't prepared.  I still cried and felt overwhelming grief that I would never again hear my Dad call my name and never see him again except in my dreams, memories and pictures.  But in true Dad fashion, he died just when J was finishing up a section of training so he could be with me at the funeral and we could be with my Mom on Mother's Day. I haven't spent Mother's Day with my Mom since I've been married and living in IL.  The funeral was at the cemetery.  We didn't have any service at the funeral home.  It was a short service and a few cousins came out to pay their respects.  Why is it that funerals seem to be the only way we all get together?  Anyway, I'm finally home and exhausted.  Dad, was 83 years old and married to my Mom for 54 years.  Daddy, I miss you and love you.  See you again someday. 

A Happy New Years Eve...

Well, this year has been rather crappy.  Last Thursday, my Dad collapsed and my sisters called the ambulance.  He was severely dehydrated and had an infection in his gut.  My plan was to go visit in January. On my way home from work, I spoke with my sister.  He had a tube in his throat but was stable.  When I got home, J was making us dinner and I was enjoying a glass of wine,.  Much needed since I was a wreck not knowing how my Dad was.  Anyway, I got another call from my sister and apparently my Dad's blood pressure dropped drastically and his heart rate went down to 30.  Hospital called and wanted to know if they should resuscitate.  She didn't think he'd make it through the night.  When I got home from work, J was insisting that we go to NY the next day.  My supervisor is on vacation and I was in charge while she was out but J was right and after that call, I was convinced I was going to a funeral.  The next day we threw stuff into suitcases, listed ourselves on the flight, reserved a car rental and hotel.  We got to the hospital at 8:30 PM and my Dad was still with us.  The PA explained what resuscitation meant and I spoke to my sister about it.  She spoke to my Mom and a DNR was signed.  My Dad had tubes going down his throat and looked  just so awful.  He didn't really wake up that night.  It was hard not to cry in there but I didn't want to risk him hearing me cry.  Just in case.  The nurses kept reiterating how sick he was.  The next day he opened his eyes and looked around. Then the Dr's asked us about putting in a tr-ache.  In the end we decided that wouldn't be an option.  Right now, he is breathing on his own and tomorrow he is being moved to a regular room.  But if he gets very sick again, they are only going to give him morphine to make him comfortable and let nature takes it course.  Right now he is on the mend but they think in the future he will aspirate saliva into his lungs and wind up with pneumonia.  Maybe not today or tomorrow but sometime in the future.  I'm glad we didn't have to plan my Dad's funeral but now we are looking for nursing homes for him.  Not that losing him in the future will be any less painful but not realizing how sick he was and how close to death he was puts everything in perspective.  I remember when my cousins died.  My Mom called me and said someone had died.  I remember thinking, my Aunt or Uncle but not my cousins.  They were only 50.  And it was a freak accident to boot.  I remember how devastating it felt.  And this felt the same way.  I am grateful that I had the chance to see my Dad.  That he looked at me today and even though he is still so sick, I saw a glimpse of the cocky look I used to get from my Dad.  Just for that split second, it was my Dad in there.  He knew who I was.  As difficult as 2013 has been, today, on the last day of the year, my Dad looked at me and knew me. That made 2013 the best year ever.

Happy New Year!! 

Goodbye 2013...Hello 2014