PREGNANT....

Well, first HCG levels were drawn yesterday.  Came back at 39.  Technically, I wasn't supposed to have a blood test till today.  Yesterday I wound up giving myself an overdose of long acting insulin.  I usually take 16 units in the evening and my doctor added a morning shot of 3 units.  I was rushing and without thinking I dialed to 16 units and proceeded to inject myself.  Once I realized what I had done, I finished my breakfast (already gave myself short acting) and rushed off to the ER.  They called poison control and said I needed to stay for the day to be monitored unless I'm pregnant and then I'd have to stay overnight.  They had me take a urine test first but they had the same problem I did.  Looked like a line but not quite sure, but if you hold it up to the light you can see it, etc.  So they ran a blood test and I couldn't believe it.  I'm pregnant.  My clinic decided to have me go in on Monday instead of today and see where it leads to.  Praying hard that Monday will have a rising HCG level.  Hoping for a 100 or more at least.  Right now, I feel cramps, some nausea, boobs hurt, bloated and tired.  I even took another test today when I came home and was so happy to see the second line.  No squinting needed.  It may be light but it's visible.

Obsessing....

What else can the 2 week wait bring on but the obsessing of symptoms and possibilities that I'll be on my to becoming a mom. This transfer has a host of differences this time than any of the others. For one thing, the PIO shot hurts like hell. Not when I give it but hours later, I'm sore and feel bruised. It hurts to walk and both hips hurt. No sign of any trauma just pain. The next thing is that my boobs aren't as sore as they have been in the past. I just started feeling soreness in my boobs yesterday. That's a big difference from the past.  I also have lots of sharp pains in my lower abdomen. Hopefully uterus and signs that something is going on.  I like to be hopeful that's what's going on.  It's 4 days past transfer and I'm thinking that tomorrow afternoon I might start POAS.  I have no self control and just need to torture myself.  I'm prepared for it to be NEG.  That's all I'm used to and it is still might be too early to know. Blood test is on Friday.  

Blastocyst transferred....

Yesterday was very exciting for me.  Transfer went very well.  I even have 4 snow babies.  I really think this is going to work but I'm grateful to have 4 frozen.  This is my baby and the next pic is when it was transferred.  I can't believe all that has happened in the last few days.  I'm excited about my single bean.  Just got to keep busy till I can get my beta done.

My big day....

Last night as I went to sleep, I realized it would be my last as childless.  Today is my embryo transfer.  This is the first time I'm doing a 5 day transfer and I have a really good feeling about this one.  I won't just be pregnant, I will a mom with this blastocyst.  I'm nervous, scared and excited.  I know it won't be an easy road during pregnancy but I'll do what I have to do.  I'm still worried about my blood sugar.  I was doing well with them till I started the progesterone.  I've noticed some really high numbers.  I just don't want anything jeopardizing my chances this time.  I've sent an email to my doctor and hopefully, I'll hear back from her today. Either way though, at noon, I'll become a mom.

Next big day...

Embryologist called me this morning with the details.  I had 13 eggs.  One didn't mature but the rest have fertilized and are growing strong.  She believed it would be a 5 day transfer.  I asked her if that was a definite because I would change my travel plans.  I told her I was worried because we had done this with frozen eggs and it didn't work out.  I was worried about the quality of J's sperm.  When we hung up I was still deciding if I would leave tomorrow or wait till Tuesday.  Then the on-call nurse called me and confirmed that it would be a 5 day transfer and all the embryos were growing strong.  I pray she's right.  So I changed all my plans and will leave on Tuesday now.  I'm so nervous and scared.  I just need to keep reminding myself that it's all in G-d's hands.  

The first of many big days....

At least I hope it is.  Step one terror:  tomorrow my donor goes through retrieval.  Step two terror: will J's sperm defrost and have live sperm present?  Step three terror:  if sperm is alive will they fertilize our eggs?  Step four terror:  will they live to day three?  Step five terror:  If they all live to day three, could they live to day five and will the doctor want to do that?  Step six terror:  Did they use the correct sperm to fertilize our eggs?  These are the thoughts that go through my mind day in and day out.  I know it's all in G-d's hands.  I have no control and it's hard to deal with.  All I can do is put my life in my doctors and nurses hands and especially, G-d's hands.  Here's to successful retrieval and fertilization.

Progress...

Things are finally moving at full speed now.  I've been on Lupron since 4/13.  Donor is on day 11 of stims and I'll be getting an update tomorrow from my nurse.  Retrieval is either Thursday or Friday. So far they are counting 21 follicles about 12-16 mm.  I'm nervous, excited and scared.  I can't believe this is finally happening.  I keep praying that this is my time.  My stress level is through the roof.  J hasn't helped with that at all.  My blood sugar is getting lower though.  I've lost a few pounds due to stress.  I've woken up in the middle of the night dripping in sweat with a blood sugar of 60.  Luckily for me that I keep boxed juice by my bed. I'm so hoping for a five day transfer.  I've asked my nurse about that.  Hopefully when she gives me an update she can tell me if a five day is possible.  She may not know till after I'm there and I'll just have to wait.  I guess I could consider it a vacation and just sit by the pool and exercise to relieve as much stress as possible.  J won't be with me.  I"m doing this one alone.  Again, another stress factor.  I'm not good with travelling to places I don't know and getting around on my own.  I've been there before but not enough to be comfortable with my surroundings.  But I'll do what I have to do.  I've asked my cousin if she could meet me there.  She gets sick a lot and I'm worried about that too.  I told her not to worry if she can't come.  I just wanted company but not at the expense of her health so hopefully she's listening.  As of now, I'm planning on being their alone but if she can make it, all the better.  We'll see.  Right now, I"m focused on hearing some good news from my nurse tomorrow.