Bad news...

I'm feeling rather sad right now.  I found out our remaining embryos arrested.  I'm hoping and praying the ones they tranferred are still growing.  It's so hard to deal with all this but J and I talked about our options.  First, I guess I'll find out if the other recipient got pregnant and still is.  If so, J and I will look into embryo donation.  He doesn't want to waste any more time by trying to go through this again if it's his sperm that is the problem.  Right now, I'm just going to continue my medication and pray that my embryos will be ok.

PUPO and hopeful....

Well, I'm officially PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise).  We wound up doing the transfer yesterday.  They transferred 2 embryos (one 8 cell, one 7 cell).  The remainder of the embryos are growing at a slower rate which is why my Dr wanted to do the transfer on day 3.  I'm still hopeful that this will bring home my baby.  I'm hoping to find out about the other embryos sometime tomorrow.  I'm praying that we'll have some frosties to give us some siblings but the fact that they were growing a bit slower wasn't a good sign.  It's a good thing J was with me, because that diazapan had my head spinning and I couldn't retain what the Dr was saying to us.  I looked so out of it plus, my bladder was so full I had to pee and fill 2 cups and then stop.  I'm not sure what's worse, in pain from an overfilled bladder or trying to pee and stop midstream. Being that I was pretty much stoned on valium, I almost forgot to stop peeing.  Anyway, the fun waiting game begins. 

Another day of waiting...

J did his deed today at the clinic.  Tomorrow we hear how our embies are doing and what day we're going to transfer.  I'm so nervous, anxious, excited, happy and giddy all at once.  I've waited so long and all I can really do is pray because this is truly in God's hands at this point.  Even the hurricane seems to be moving in a direction that won't cause us to delay anything. 

So far, we're on track....

Yay.  My body is cooperating and doing what it's supposed to do.  I'm so ready for a good nights sleep.  Next step is for J to get to SC tomorrow.  His part needs to be done at 8AM and then on Sat we find out how our precious embryos are doing.  Deep breath in and out, repeat.  I'm so nervous about all of this.  I'm praying for my eggs, embryos and future babies. 

Tomorrow is judgement day....

Well, maybe not but I will be finding out how the meds are treating my body.  I'm praying that my ultrasound shows a nice thick lining and ready for developing baby.  I've been so stressed about this working out exactly like they planned.  J said if anything goes wrong, he'll go to the chief pilot and talk to him and see what they can do.  He said he'll do reserve or whatever it takes.  I really needed to hear that.  Now, I need him to learn how to do injections.  I'll have to start progesterone injections and my nurse mentioned about teaching him.  I think I can do one side but not the other.  Then again, I've never done this injection myself.  But I might be asking one of my co-workers for help a few times a week since J will be gone for most of November anyway.  Well, I'm trying not to think about the PIO shot too much.  I'll stress myself out if I do.  I just want to get through tomorrow, get good news in the afternoon and then finish the week and not think about my job.  I think something must be happening.  I've been getting some wierd feelings in my uterus.  A dull cramping and my abdomen is sensitive.  I'm up to 6mg of Estrace so we'll see.  Well, tomorrow will be a super early day for me so I think I'll get as much ready tonight as I can.  Hopefully, I hear the good news I'm hoping for. 

Finally started.....

It feels like this year has been the longest ever but still the shortest ever.  I'm finally on meds.  1st was BCP's and then I started Lupron injections on 10/4. On 10/12 I started Estrace.  I've been having fatigue and killer headaches but I'm keeping my eye on the prize and praying that this time we are successful.  I still have lots of panic and nightmares though.  I keep dreaming things are going to go wrong.  It's so hard when it's all out of your control.  I take the drugs when they tell me to, get monitoring when I'm told, and I'll do my transfer when I'm told.  I'm just hoping my uterus cooperates.  I'm so scared things won't go on schedule.  J is due to fly to SC on 10/26 to fertilize our eggs.  Then we are going down again on 10/28.  Transfer is either 10/29 or 10/31.  It's all planned but what if the timing is off.  All these what if's keep going through my mind all the time.  What if my body is a week behind schedule.  J has the end of the month off and I can't just take days off on a whim.  What if the eggs don't survive the thaw.  What if J's sperm doesn't fertilize the eggs.  What if the embryos that do fertilize don't make it to day three.  I'm so terrified of it all.  J asked me if we had a plan if for some reason the eggs don't fertilize with his sperm and I figure our last option is embryo donation.  It's really all we can afford to do after this.  But, I'm trying to be hopeful about this.  My RE said they've had great success with this and I just read a story about him being the first doctor in SC to use frozen eggs with successful pregnancies through delivery.  One set of twins and a singleton birth.  I just need to try to focus on those positives and try to get those nightmares out of my head right now. Also would be nice if the  hot flashes and headaches would stop.  Darn Lupron.